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A Book for Us Quiet Ones!

January 31, 2012 by admin

It sounds ironic, but I started to read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’s Stop Talking by Susan Cain in order to feel less alone.  For all you outgoing people out there, we Innies do like people — we just prefer solitude or one-to-one contact to large groups. I haven’t yet finished it, but I’m already excited enough to share it!

I’ve been quiet my whole life. My kindergarten teacher described me in a report card as “withdrawn.” I’m not sure we saw this as a negative — to my parents’ credit, I never felt that way, at least. The teacher wanted me to join in with the class, but noted that I preferred to play alone. As a writer, I continue to crave solitude, and I tend to “disappear” in big gatherings.

We are often given the message that the lone wolf is synonymous with guys like the Unabomber — not a self-esteem builder. At times, people misinterpret my quiet nature as being arrogant or stuck-up. When I have nothing to say, I just keep my mouth shut! By the same token, when I do talk, I expect people to pay attention because I don’t like to waste words.

Cain notes, however, that those of us who are quiet often prefer, as I do, to express ourselves in writing. We may be far more willing to disclose deeply personal information online that we would never talk about in person. Check and check!

As I read this book, I am part of an online writing group called Blooming Late on She Writes. I’ve mentioned the group here before in other contexts, but as a refresher, we’re a group of over-40 women who are dedicating ourselves to writing. We’re a lively bunch, and I am constantly inspired and engaged by these fine writers. I’ve been lucky enough to read some of their books (I’m still going down the list) and am excited by the overall high quality of the work.

We’re working on a promotional project. We’re looking at ways as a group that we can get the word out about our writing to build readership of our blogs and books.

What does this have to do with Cain’s book? What I’m finding is that group collaboration works well online, and Cain agrees. We’re still feeling our way through this project, but the combination of bouncing ideas off of one another — and then retreating to time alone to reflect on them — is producing some exciting results. While we’re in the infancy of the project, I’m seeing tremendous potential for our group that I doubt would happen if we were all in a room together.

As writing and publishing has changed, I have often wondered if I have become obsolete. What Cain’s book reminds me, though, is that in this strange new world behind a computer, I may have an advantage. I can embrace my quiet nature with pride. More and more, I find myself connecting with people online and doing the networking I could never do well in person. Hubby and I have both met people in person as a result of some of these connections, and that’s exciting, too!

Cain suggests that companies are now starting to understand that some of us work better if we have quiet spaces to retreat to. We don’t all work well as a big gang in a room, constantly surrounded by people. She cites Steve Wozniak of Apple as an example, and I think that many of our computer experts are leading the way in demonstrating that true innovation is often made alone, and not by committee.

If you have been “made wrong” for being quiet, or if you have an introvert in your life whom you struggle to understand, you’ll enjoy this book.

 

Filed Under: women, writing Tagged With: Blooming Late, books, introversion, introverts, Quiet, She Writes, Susan Cain, women, women over 40, women writers, writing

What Part of No…

January 30, 2012 by admin

“I don’t have time.” I hear that a lot from busy women, women who are trying to care for homes, families, children, and even grandchildren, all while trying to explore their dreams and interests. Life has speeded up, and I get that.

Whether it’s due to nature or nurture, though, we women tend to take care of others first, while men tend to take care of themselves first. Wanna bet that Stephen King doesn’t do the laundry? A while back we visited the home where Carl Sandburg spent his last years, and we learned that no one DARED interrupt him when he was writing. We women are tapping out a story with one hand while stirring the soup pot with the other. Sandburg’s wife ran an award-winning goat farm, but she also took care of the house.

But I didn’t mean for this to be a man vs. woman thing. In fact, we have a lot to learn from our male counterparts about setting boundaries. These days, for example, I exercise in the mornings, five days a week, about an hour after breakfast. That’s what works for me. Housework can wait. I don’t check e-mail when I write. And I definitely don’t pick up a ringing phone just because it’s ringing. That’s what voice mail is for. Once upon a time, when my stepson was younger, he asked me, “What if I have an emergency?” I said, “Call 911.”

We live in a world of instant gratification. Everything has become an “emergency,” when in fact, little of it actually is. And, if you do have an emergency, it usually means calling someone qualified, like a doctor or a fire department.

I’m not saying that our families never need us. I can drop what I’m doing if someone else’s needs trump mine, and sometimes they do. What I think happens, though, is we get into a habit of taking care of everyone else first all the time. It’s up to us to tell our families when we are working, and would you please keep the television off while I’m writing? Sometimes, dare I say it, we can get our hubbies to make dinner or throw a load of laundry in the wash so we can stay focused on our own projects.

So I don’t respond to e-mails the minute they come in. If someone comes to my door, I don’t open it. I ask what they want. I’ve actually had people say, “Would you please open the door?” Well, no. I didn’t invite you. You interrupted my work. So, no, I’m not helping you out.

If we women are busy tending to people, even strangers, to the degree that we stop pursuing our dreams, we have to ask ourselves, “Why?” Why are we letting strangers take up our time? Why are we letting the kids run roughshod over us? Why do we think that our house has to be spotless before we write/paint/make music/sing? Does the bed REALLY have to be made?

Let’s practice, then, today’s mantra. Instead of OM, chant with me: NNNNNOOOOOOOOO…

Filed Under: women, writing Tagged With: boundaries, dreams, say no, women, writing

Celebrate! Take a Pause!

January 24, 2012 by admin

Music works not just because of the notes, but because of the space between them. Those pauses, some brief, some longer, create a mood. When we hear good music, we may fall in love all over again. Sometimes we are inspired, and other times just want to dance. Without the pauses, the music is nothing but a frantic pile of notes.

In life we must pause, too. Goldie Hawn, on Dr. Oz last week, said, “I have to take in that I’m holding a human brain.” She forced Dr. Oz and the audience to stop, breathe, and take in the magnificent wonder of that moment.

In Jewish religious services, each segment of the service is separated by a kaddish prayer. Each has a specific purpose, as in the well known Mourners’ Kaddish, but when we come to a kaddish, we know that we are pausing to transition to the next part of the service. It cleanses our spiritual palate.

In our work, though, we often move quickly from one project to the next, often not taking the time to stop, pause, and breathe. We run down our to-do list, busy, busy, busy, trying to take care of everything and everyone. Before we know it, the day is over, and we are left feeling as though we fell short somehow. I see this happen over and over again, especially with women. No matter how much we accomplish, it’s not good enough.

We haven’t learned how to pause.

Take a moment now. Stop reading this, close your eyes, and let in something that you completed yesterday or this morning. Maybe it was just unloading the dishwasher, but take a moment to celebrate. Acknowledge your success.

How did that feel? Did you let in that “atta girl” feeling easily, or was it a struggle? What if you did that throughout the day?

This past weekend I entered a manuscript in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel award contest. As I got closer to the opening of the entry period, I worked hard, making as many last-minute revisions as I could. I spent the prior seven days straight going through it over and over again. I entered the contest in part to give myself a deadline, and that last gasp of effort took a lot out of me.

So yesterday I stopped. I didn’t start a new project. Instead, I put on my 2010 NaNoWriMo winner t-shirt to remind me that I completed something big. I called a local day spa to book a special spa day for myself — I figure that finishing a book is a big deal that deserves some special celebrating. In a few days I will get pampered from head to toe.

I see many people start to pursue their dreams, only to get discouraged and quit before really getting started. I used to do that myself: get going, all excited, then bump up against a problem I didn’t know how to solve, or maybe just a good dose of fear. Being the good Puritan that I am, I would just work harder and try to muscle through. Of course, that doesn’t work. It just makes me tired and miserable.

What does work? I believe that if we build these little pauses and celebrations into our lives, giving ourselves little “atta girls” along the way, we settle down. We say, yes, I can do this. I can keep going.

Do you celebrate your successes, big or small? What’s your favorite celebration?

 

 

 

Filed Under: women, writing Tagged With: Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award, celebrate, dreams, novels, rest, women, writing

Time for a Blog Recommendation!

January 19, 2012 by admin

It’s Thursday, so it’s that time again to talk about someone else’s blog for a change! I always check my Twitter feed for people who are doing interesting things, and I’m never disappointed.

This week’s recommendation is Aging Abundantly, a great website for the over-50 set. It is so chock-full of information and inspiration that I won’t even try to sort it out here! Suffice to say that if you visit the site, you’ll find anything and everything you want to know about enjoying this stage of our lives!

I’m keeping things short today. I’m finishing the latest revisions to Blood and Loam in hopes of getting it into the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award Contest, and I have a lot to do! At least I finally know, after a number of rewrites, the way it needs to end. It’s had an ending all along, and that doesn’t change, but my method of getting there is changing — and that’s a good thing. I finally feel satisfied that I am doing my absolute best!

Have a great weekend! I’ll be back on Monday.

Filed Under: blogs, books Tagged With: Aging Abundantly, Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award, Blood and Loam, fiction, good blogs, midlife, novels, women, writing

One Thing Leads to Another

January 16, 2012 by admin

This morning, as I sat down to look at blogs and create my own for the day, I couldn’t pull up the Internet. So, I got up to power cycle the router and decided to go ahead and shred some old tax returns while I was waiting. I went upstairs to shred and discovered that the shredder was full, so I had to get a box to hold all the confetti.

Mondays are often like that, where I start out with the best intentions, but as one thing leads to another, I end up scratching my head wondering what happened.

When hubby and I decided to start traveling, we didn’t know that one thing would lead to another. We hadn’t planned on leaving Houston. I’ve lived here for 30 years, hubby for longer. The more we saw the world, though, the more we asked ourselves where we want to live. Here we are, a few years later, planning a cross-country move.

You may have noticed a change in the look and feel of this blog. Here, too, one thing leads to another. In my case, “A Woman’s Nest” didn’t exactly fit the daily goings-on of this blog. It sounds so nurturing, and there is that side of me, but I need to feel the freedom to express all parts of me. We women at midlife are less “nice” and more “real,” so I felt a little constricted.

I’ve also mentioned being part of the Blooming Late group on She Writes. Last year I joined, then got involved in regular posting, then started making suggestions to our leader, Samantha Stacia. One thing leads to another, and now I’m handling the group’s administrative functions when she’s not available. We’re also working on a project so that we can better promote the many fine writers in the group, which led me to some research, which led me to fellow Texan Kristen Lamb‘s wonderful book, We Are Not Alone: The Writer’s Guide to Social Media…and then to these changes that you see.

One thing leads to another…who knows what will happen next? I think that’s part of the fun, don’t you? Any “one thing leads to another” experiences that you want to share?

Filed Under: blogs, Life Changes Tagged With: blogging, books, Kristen Lamb, social media, We Are Not Alone, women, writing

I’m Buried in Books — What a Way to Go!

January 9, 2012 by admin

I’m buried in books today. Surrounding me are piles of The Foreign Language of Friends as I ready them for book contests. Entry forms are accompanied by stacks of one, two, or three copies, depending on the requirements of the contest. It’s a busy time of year, with plenty of deadlines early on. I also got the crazy notion a few days ago to enter Blood & Loam into Amazon’s Breakthrough Novel Award contest. That means getting all the polishing done in the next few weeks, all while I have to leave my home periodically to let possible buyers parade through. I tell myself I must be crazy, but I have made it a rule to follow my intuition at all times, so I’m up for the challenge!

On my iPad, via Kindle, I’m reading Twin-Bred by Karen Wyle, a wonderful sci-fi book. In Wyle’s fictional world, humans are cohabiting a planet with a species called Tofa, and prejudice and miscommunication abound. In a special project, human and Tofa babies are gestated in host mothers as twins, in the hopes that the special twin bond will help the two species learn how to bridge their differences. It’s a good read, and I especially love the scenes of the little kids as they start to grow up and play, acting like the little kids they are, and not the world saviors they’re expected to become.

Karen is part of my online writing group, the Blooming Late gals of She Writes. If you’re a woman over 40, come on over and visit if you get a chance. There’s a lot of talent in this group!

In addition, Julia Cameron’s new book, The Prosperous Heart, came out last week. Like her masterwork The Artist’s Way, the new book offers simple exercises to unblock us, this time from blocks to prosperity. Though the use of money is examined, this is more a book about feeling that sense of having “enough” in our lives.

I bought it mainly because I want Julia to keep doing what she’s doing, but I didn’t think there would be much for me. I was wrong. These gentle but powerful exercises are already starting to unlock parts of my brain, giving me new and surprising ideas for marketing my work as well as the work of other writers who deserve to have readers find them. Though Cameron’s process is spiritual, it is also practical, which appeals to my active left brain. The book does NOT promote positive thinking, but rather positive action. As I go along, I’ll keep you posted on my progress with this 12-week program.

Speaking of positive thinking, Barbara Ehrenreich, author of the laudable Nickel and Dimed, has written some not-so-positive things about the positive thinking movement that now pervades our workplaces, churches, and financial institutions in her book Bright-Sided: How the Relentless Promotion of Positive Thinking is Undermining America. In coming days, I’ll write more about this book, which I’m still “chewing” on. I don’t agree with all of it, but she makes some excellent points that are worth examining.

Finally, as I promised last week, I’ll write more about Steven Pressfield’s The War of Art: Break Through the Blocks and Win Your Inner Creative Battles. Last week, when I wrote about my weight loss intentions for the year, some readers resonated with my fear of success. “Why do we do that?” a reader asked. Well, maybe we can figure that out. Pressfield’s book provides a great foundation for examining this block, which seems particularly difficult for women. Whether we’re losing weight, writing books, or have other goals, Pressfield’s advice can help us move beyond self-sabotage.

At any rate, these and other books that I’m reading should make for some lively discussion. What are you reading?

Filed Under: books, fiction, women Tagged With: Amazon Breakthrough Novel Award, Barbara Ehrenreich, Blood and Loam, books, fiction, Foreign Language of Friends, Julia Cameron, Karen Wyle, novels, positive thinking, Steven Pressfield, Twin-Bred, women, women's fiction, writing

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