Nadine Feldman, Author

celebrating strong female characters and whatever else strikes my fancy

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Sabbatical

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This is the year I turn 60. Earlier in the year, I started to ponder what I wanted for this new decade. Granted, we can’t control every aspect of our lives, especially at this age, but I wanted to create an intention for what can be a very special time. I considered taking a sabbatical, time to just “be.” I’d start it around my birthday, I reasoned.

During a meditation in April, though, the message was clear: start NOW.

What would a sabbatical look like? After all, I don’t have a day job. The kids are grown and on their own. Somehow the thought of a sabbatical from a life that’s already amazing felt, well, self-indulgent. Lazy. Selfish.

Still. Something needed to change. I needed to re-examine. Did I want to keep on writing, for example? For a few months my work had felt stale, exhausting, and no longer fun. The business of writing is something I have never enjoyed. So I decided to stop. For how long? I had no idea. I shipped two manuscripts off to editors, which got them off of my desk and allowed me to take a break.

After a bit of searching, I found the book Pause: Harnessing the Life-Changing Power of Giving Yourself a Break by Rachael O’Meara. Using this book as a guide, I set out on my new journey.

In the stillness and quiet that followed, I realized that I had ignored some annoying and sometimes disruptive health issues. Surprisingly, my first act of sabbatical was to seek a functional medicine doctor. This was easier said than done, so while I shopped around I changed my diet, removing gluten, dairy, and refined sugar. This brought some immediate relief, if not full recovery (yet).

Then I looked at ways to have more fun. I took a gardening class to further hone my skills. I took a botanical art class and started drawing for the first time in nearly 50 years. I signed up for cooking classes at a local restaurant. I read.

In the process, I discovered that I missed writing. By the time the first manuscript came back, I was refreshed and eager to write again.

These days my life looks much like it did pre-sabbatical, but in a sense it still continues. I have started taking social media breaks on the weekend. I am part of a meditation group that meets online every full and new moon. I make sure I take a break from exercise every week. My health and enthusiasm are returning!

As O’Meara points out in Pause, not everyone can afford to take time off. But even if it’s time to soak in a bath, or turning off the phone or television, or staying away from social media, we can all find tiny bits of time to unplug and rejuvenate. Even a few minutes of time to ourselves to rest can make a difference. Whatever happens with the arrival of this shiny new decade, hopefully I will take sabbatical rituals, big or small, along with me.

In what ways do you replenish and renew?

Sitting…Listening

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I took my knitting and went outside, where I found a shady spot on the wall at the bottom of a slope. My purpose? To sit and observe. I would knit a row, then look around, watching the patterns of the sun. I studied where rain water drains into an easement. I enjoyed the view of the tree, where deer often rest when they need relief from the heat.

I am starting to learn about permaculture. At its micro level, permaculture is a design method that utilizes strategies to get Nature to do much of the gardening work. By enriching soil, guiding water, and combining a variety of plants, garden yields can increase while workload decreases.

One of the first principles of permaculture is to observe. As we spend time in our yards, we learn little details about them that will help us later. No planning, no judging, no ideas, just listening. There will be time for action and planning later in the process.

At the same time, I am entering into the deep woods of menopause, waking more at night with hot flashes and night sweats. While I take herbs to help provide relief, this is a time of withdrawing and observing. I am told that when I get to the other side of the turmoil, I can then figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. For now, though, I need stillness and solitude and rest. It’s been one reason that my blog has been so hit and miss. While I like engaging with my readers, I am going through a powerful transformation and have to let go of what I think I “should” be doing.

Yesterday, after a relaxed morning, a loved one needed my emotional support. Because I wasn’t exhausted, I could be fully present and helpful. Last night, before bed, hubby and I lay a blanket out on the deck so we could watch the stars. It was a perfect night, with the Milky Way revealing itself more and more with each minute we were away from the artificial light. In the Not Doing, we could marvel at the miracles of the universe that are everywhere…something we need to do more and more in these troubled times.

I know that as one delves into permaculture more deeply, there are larger implications for our communities and our world. Already, I have learned enough to blow my mind about the solutions to food and climate issues that already exist. For right now, though, as I say goodbye to the young woman I was and embrace the beginning of my crone-ness, I am content to observe my own land and let it speak to me. My garden and I will grow in our own time and in our own way.

 

 

At the Spa, Part II: Direction of the Heart

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As I continue to explore and share my week at the spa, I recognize that many people do not have the time or money to enjoy such a retreat. For many years I was one of those people, and I’ve never forgotten my many years of financial struggle. This week, for Friday Fun, I’ll share some of the ways I found to enjoy spa treatments and mini-breaks at home or for little money.

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The Italians have a phrase: Il dolce far niente, or, the sweetness of doing nothing. For a former Midwesterner with a strong, Puritan work ethic, that phrase doesn’t bring a smile to my lips. Instead, it brings terror to the heart.

I am exactly where I want to be.

Over the years, I have learned that I get more done not from pushing and striving, but from relaxing and reflecting. Yes, work has to be done, but the more I nurture myself, the less it feels like work, and it becomes like the play of childhood. In my second full day at the spa, I am opening to nothingness. I have no appointments, no one to see and nothing to do. Yet my brain is humming in the background, processing my intentions for being here.

I seldom use the word “intention.” I prefer the lovely Hebrew word, kavanah, or “direction of the heart.” While I don’t want to turn this retreat into another job (something I’m good at doing), I took some time Monday afternoon to define my kavanah. What is the direction of my heart? Where is it leading me now? When I am feeling confused, anxious, and/or depressed, it often means that I have strayed from that direction. As I spend time in solitude, I can stop, breathe, and make a course correction.

I made notes, starting with my feelings: confusion about general life direction, anxiety, desire to withdraw, sense of failure, etc. The gist of it is that I’m about to have a birthday, and my desire to leave a legacy gains increased urgency with each new year. As a writer, that means books — or does it? Right now, it’s all on the table, though I am open to letting the writing take a different form, or changing my approach to writing and marketing. Am I forging a new path, or do I just need to clear the brush from the one I’m already on?

To answer those questions, I wrote a loose plan for the next few days to create a retreat environment. I scheduled spa treatments on my first full day here in order to release body tension as quickly as possible. This will help me think more clearly and make decisions. In addition, I plan to read, knit, swim, wander the grounds, and write my impressions. I also reminded myself that I have subscribed to Julia Cameron Live, so I can access Artist’s Way exercises — which never fail to unblock me.

Finally, I wrote answers to the question, “What do I want?” I want clarity of purpose, return of motivation, emotional strength to deal with my current challenges, and an action plan for when I return home. It doesn’t have to be a long plan, just a few next steps.

With intentions defined, my focus for the next few days will include working with them, and working with the blocks and fears that have gotten in the way. I’ll be using my new “Feed Your Demons” meditation technique to do that.

In the meantime, I’m also enjoying room service with fabulous food and tasty wine!

 

Celebrate! Take a Pause!

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Music works not just because of the notes, but because of the space between them. Those pauses, some brief, some longer, create a mood. When we hear good music, we may fall in love all over again. Sometimes we are inspired, and other times just want to dance. Without the pauses, the music is nothing but a frantic pile of notes.

In life we must pause, too. Goldie Hawn, on Dr. Oz last week, said, “I have to take in that I’m holding a human brain.” She forced Dr. Oz and the audience to stop, breathe, and take in the magnificent wonder of that moment.

In Jewish religious services, each segment of the service is separated by a kaddish prayer. Each has a specific purpose, as in the well known Mourners’ Kaddish, but when we come to a kaddish, we know that we are pausing to transition to the next part of the service. It cleanses our spiritual palate.

In our work, though, we often move quickly from one project to the next, often not taking the time to stop, pause, and breathe. We run down our to-do list, busy, busy, busy, trying to take care of everything and everyone. Before we know it, the day is over, and we are left feeling as though we fell short somehow. I see this happen over and over again, especially with women. No matter how much we accomplish, it’s not good enough.

We haven’t learned how to pause.

Take a moment now. Stop reading this, close your eyes, and let in something that you completed yesterday or this morning. Maybe it was just unloading the dishwasher, but take a moment to celebrate. Acknowledge your success.

How did that feel? Did you let in that “atta girl” feeling easily, or was it a struggle? What if you did that throughout the day?

This past weekend I entered a manuscript in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel award contest. As I got closer to the opening of the entry period, I worked hard, making as many last-minute revisions as I could. I spent the prior seven days straight going through it over and over again. I entered the contest in part to give myself a deadline, and that last gasp of effort took a lot out of me.

So yesterday I stopped. I didn’t start a new project. Instead, I put on my 2010 NaNoWriMo winner t-shirt to remind me that I completed something big. I called a local day spa to book a special spa day for myself — I figure that finishing a book is a big deal that deserves some special celebrating. In a few days I will get pampered from head to toe.

I see many people start to pursue their dreams, only to get discouraged and quit before really getting started. I used to do that myself: get going, all excited, then bump up against a problem I didn’t know how to solve, or maybe just a good dose of fear. Being the good Puritan that I am, I would just work harder and try to muscle through. Of course, that doesn’t work. It just makes me tired and miserable.

What does work? I believe that if we build these little pauses and celebrations into our lives, giving ourselves little “atta girls” along the way, we settle down. We say, yes, I can do this. I can keep going.

Do you celebrate your successes, big or small? What’s your favorite celebration?

 

 

 

Daring to Rest

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I’ve written a lot about rest this week. So far, I’ve stuck with my plan to take some rest time in the afternoons. Yesterday I was reminded of kindergarten, with my little red mat, and the milk and cookies that came after quiet time. I never slept — I wasn’t a napper, even then — but I remember fondly curling up on that mat. Maybe it’s why I’ve come to love my yoga mat so much!

There’s a hidden danger in all this resting, however. Dare to rest, and I cannot be responsible for what might happen!

When we find ourselves in a quiet, peaceful space, allowing our minds to unclutter, something happens. We start to notice the thoughts and feelings rattling around inside, and hearing our inner truth. It’s not always pretty, and it can definitely be inconvenient!

Case in point: since we returned from Switzerland, we’re still in a restful mode. We’re working, but we’re unwilling to put pressure on ourselves to achieve. In the quiet of our return, a message has emerged loud and clear. Well, it’s more like a question. “If you like the mountains so much, why do you still live in Houston?”

Indeed. Why are we here?

For years, the answer was easy. I had work and friends. Henry was raising a family, and his parents were here as well. I even used to like the heat! Then his children grew up and left home, and his parents died. While all of this was going on, we were traveling more, and taking trekking poles with us wherever we went. Our travel decisions started to center on where we could hike. We fell in love with two places in particular: the Pacific Northwest and Switzerland.

Still, we didn’t stop to think about living elsewhere until we came home. Henry called me from a bike ride, complaining about the heat and the lack of places to bike in the city.  I, meantime, was doing my daily meditations and starting to rest. “Why not move?” the inner voice asked. “Why not live in the environment that you love the best?”

Why not? Because we humans love inertia and habit. Sometimes the prospect of change just looks like too darn much work. Still, there comes a time when the pain of change is less than the pain of staying the same, and I think we’re just about there.

We are taking the next step by planning a trip to explore an area in Washington State that meets the criteria we have set. I try not to think about the work involved, of selling our house, finding another, and moving all our stuff a few thousand miles. This is the problem with resting. When you start getting ideas, they involve a certain amount of work.

Resting stops our complacency. Resting asks questions. Resting holds a mirror up to us and suggests, gently, that we see things a little differently. It may not cause us to want to relocate, but it may show us something in life that wants to change. Resting reveals who we are under all that busy-ness. There, we may feel emotions we don’t want to feel — but we will also learn the truth of ourselves. We will find our yearnings, our hopes, our dreams. We find surprises. I didn’t know until age 51 that I had a passion, and a certain amount of skill, for gardening. Resting showed me the way and suggested that I give it a go.

Rest if you dare! Take a little time each day, even if it’s five minutes, and let yourself unplug from the world. What does your rest tell you?

Discovery Tuesday: Integrative Restoration

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I’ll tell you my dirty little secret about the “daily rest” that I’ve decided to do: the idea came about as a result of trying to lose weight.

Yep, you read that right. At 52, I have found that losing weight ain’t as easy as it used to be. Despite our hours of hiking in Switzerland, I came back three pounds heavier! Of course, I convinced myself that I needed some extra food to give me energy for the hikes, and I suspect that I overdid things a bit, despite my best intentions.

I told Henry that I wasn’t going to travel in October. Besides the fact that I want to plant my fall garden, I also wanted to eat at home, where I can better manage food ingredients and portion sizes. Before we went on our travels, I also did a lot of reading and investigating about losing weight at midlife, so I could come home with a plan in mind.

The net result is this: I will leave my cardio program as is. On a fitness test, I scored in the “excellent” range on cardio, so if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. I also scored well on flexibility, which makes sense since I love yoga so much. As I suspected, though, I learned that I need to add strength training, and I found a regimen to follow in the book 8 Weeks to a Younger Body by Joan Pagano. I’m just getting started, but I’ll report back, hopefully with some fantastic results.

In terms of diet, I still find the Weight Watchers program to make the most sense, though I’m making sure that my meals and snacks have a protein-fat-carb ratio close to The Zone, which has brought me success in the past. My reading has suggested to me that I am probably a bit carb-heavy on my diet.

The other problem I see is that I’m a high-strung sort of woman, and I need to keep my stress levels down. Stress, as most of you know, raises cortisol levels in the body, and this can affect our ability to lose weight. In theory, lowering our cortisol levels can improve our ability to lose weight.

Yoga helps, and I also get regular massages. I’ve gotten back into a meditation habit, but I wanted to do a little more. Hence, the decision to make time to rest on a daily, weekly, and monthly basis.

One of the best ways to do that is through Richard Miller’s Integrative Restoration program. I’m including the link to his store, as opposed to one particular recording or book, because they are all worthwhile. I’m particularly fond of his six-volume Integrative Restoration program, which provides six one-hour guided yoga nidra practices.

In yoga nidra, or yogic sleep, we are guided into a state of heightened awareness of the various sensations in our body and mind. Miller has us notice the insides of our mouth, for example — it’s a detailed journey that keeps us conscious even as our bodies gain an extraordinary level of relaxation.

Yoga nidra has proven invaluable in therapeutic environments. Soldiers suffering from PTSD, for example, have benefited from Miller’s work. In our day-to-day lives, which have become increasingly stressful, we may live in a chronic revved-up state of tension, and integrative restoration can help us break that cycle — at the very least we’ll feel better, and who knows? Maybe we can lose some weight, too!