dreams

Birthday Reflections

December 5, 2012 by admin

Yesterday I turned 54, a number that I find somehow surprising. Physically, I feel no different from when I was younger. In fact, in many ways I am stronger and healthier than I was then. I’m still limber enough to surprise an unsuspecting massage therapist who decides to stretch my legs. It wasn’t always so. At age 26, when I first took up yoga, I couldn’t touch my toes, so I’ve gotten better with age.

Mentally, I feel smarter and wiser, though part of being smarter and wiser is knowing that you’re not so smart or wise. I still take delight in learning new things. This year, my education centered in the home as I learned the arts of canning food and spinning wool.

We took a big step several months ago and moved from Houston, where I had lived for 30 years. I never thought I would stay there for the rest of my life, but this year, I finally knew where I wanted to go. It’s been a good decision, and I’m excited about where I live now.

If there is a looming discontent, it’s about the increased urgency to leave a legacy. I’ve putzed around with my writing this year, and I’m ready once again to get serious. I don’t want to beat myself up about it; after all, moving cross-country, from a red state to a blue one (sigh of relief), from a major city to a small town, takes some getting used to. Even though I didn’t write as much as I wanted, I felt as though I was gathering new material that would turn up in my stories. Now, though, I want to roll up my sleeves and git ‘er done. I have several books in process and a Google doc file full of ideas, so I need to get on with it. With my health, I can probably expect many productive years left, but we never know at this point. I’ve said goodbye to friends who didn’t make it this far, so I don’t take my life for granted.

I just started reading Neil Young’s book, Waging Heavy Peace. Though I’m not too far into it, what I find most interesting is that he’s looking forward, engaged in new projects that excite him. In fact, he covers quite a bit of ground before he gets into the “memoir” part of it because he’s so involved in what he’s doing now. I love his restless, chaotic, inventive spirit. As I begin another year in the unstoppable march of time, I hope that I can follow his example.

Under Construction

June 20, 2012 by admin

It’s fun watching big chunks of concrete wall disappear!

The house shakes as portions of a concrete wall come tumbling down, leaving gaping holes for future doors and windows. Upstairs, plastic sheeting covers a new patio door that will lead out onto a deck. The back yard is one big pile of dirt. The vegetable garden is a way station for stacks of pipe. Welcome to the wonderful world of remodeling.

The first few weeks, hubby and I left the house to escape the noise, but I’m tired of taking refuge in a coffee shop. I like to break up my writing tasks with exercise or housework in between, so I’m learning to ignore the sounds of electric saws and forklifts beeping in favor of keeping a regular routine. Yesterday I did an exercise DVD, and hubby didn’t even know it. I had squirreled myself away in a spare bedroom and turned the iPad up loud enough to hear over the banging and clanging.

I don’t like to complain. After all, once the work is done, I will have a home with

I don’t think I want to go tumbling down these steps!

plenty of room for overnight guests and entertaining. One side of the basement will have spectacular water views, and we are creating a wonderful, restful refuge for friends and family. My yard will no longer be an unusable slope, but instead a set of terraces with flowers, shrubs, and stone. I’m darned lucky and darned grateful. These are the kinds of problems people dream of having.

Still, it’s unsettling. As I write this, a radio blares downstairs so that the workers can whistle while they work. It’s hard to concentrate, since I normally write in silence. And there is something odd about seeing the basement stripped of walls, ceiling, and floor, and fireplace brick nothing but a pile of rubble. I tread carefully to avoid tripping over electrical cords and temporary drainage pipes, all extra hazards to an already-challenging set of downward stone steps to the garden.

I feel a bit like the work in progress that is my home. New to this part of the country, I am learning to garden all over again as I adapt to a new climate. I’m meeting new people and learning a culture that’s community oriented, as opposed to rugged Texas individualism. Once anonymous in a city, I am now exposed in a small town. These are the adjustments I wanted, but they are adjustments nonetheless.

As the book industry continues to roil and shift, I’m having to adapt, studying the craft of marketing and sales as well as writing. Despite having three books under my belt, it all feels brand new. Every aspect of life calls for patience, which is hardly my strong suit. I do a lot of deep breathing, and sometimes I just need a good sob to discharge discomfort.

Still, the strawberries are ripening, and so far the broccoli and onions look sturdy. The leaves of potato plants are spreading in one of the beds, and beets and tomatoes are making tentative progress. I’ve planted herbs in pots to sit on my living room windowsill. One of the terrace walls is basically done, and the guys have started work on the second. We’re turning the corner, moving from destruction to rebuilding. Amidst the cacophony of construction, progress reveals itself, bit by bit. My paradise may be under construction, but it’s paradise nonetheless.

I’m 50 pages into the first draft of a new novel, and I’m revising Blood & Loam one more time. I’ve just signed up for Joel Friedlander’s Self-Publishing Roadmap course, starting from scratch to construct a better foundation for producing and marketing my books. Over time, this will mean more changes: the look of the blog, where and how I sell my books, and the way I roll out new work.

I know that nothing is ever finished. We are never “there.” The destination remains a moving target, and there’s always something to learn, something to fix, something to discover, something to revise. There are always new ideas, and life, including publishing, will always be in flux. All we can do is take the journey, enjoy what we’ve built, and, if necessary, tear it down again.

In spite of it all, the Spanish lavender is in glorious bloom.

What Part of No…

January 30, 2012 by admin

“I don’t have time.” I hear that a lot from busy women, women who are trying to care for homes, families, children, and even grandchildren, all while trying to explore their dreams and interests. Life has speeded up, and I get that.

Whether it’s due to nature or nurture, though, we women tend to take care of others first, while men tend to take care of themselves first. Wanna bet that Stephen King doesn’t do the laundry? A while back we visited the home where Carl Sandburg spent his last years, and we learned that no one DARED interrupt him when he was writing. We women are tapping out a story with one hand while stirring the soup pot with the other. Sandburg’s wife ran an award-winning goat farm, but she also took care of the house.

But I didn’t mean for this to be a man vs. woman thing. In fact, we have a lot to learn from our male counterparts about setting boundaries. These days, for example, I exercise in the mornings, five days a week, about an hour after breakfast. That’s what works for me. Housework can wait. I don’t check e-mail when I write. And I definitely don’t pick up a ringing phone just because it’s ringing. That’s what voice mail is for. Once upon a time, when my stepson was younger, he asked me, “What if I have an emergency?” I said, “Call 911.”

We live in a world of instant gratification. Everything has become an “emergency,” when in fact, little of it actually is. And, if you do have an emergency, it usually means calling someone qualified, like a doctor or a fire department.

I’m not saying that our families never need us. I can drop what I’m doing if someone else’s needs trump mine, and sometimes they do. What I think happens, though, is we get into a habit of taking care of everyone else first all the time. It’s up to us to tell our families when we are working, and would you please keep the television off while I’m writing? Sometimes, dare I say it, we can get our hubbies to make dinner or throw a load of laundry in the wash so we can stay focused on our own projects.

So I don’t respond to e-mails the minute they come in. If someone comes to my door, I don’t open it. I ask what they want. I’ve actually had people say, “Would you please open the door?” Well, no. I didn’t invite you. You interrupted my work. So, no, I’m not helping you out.

If we women are busy tending to people, even strangers, to the degree that we stop pursuing our dreams, we have to ask ourselves, “Why?” Why are we letting strangers take up our time? Why are we letting the kids run roughshod over us? Why do we think that our house has to be spotless before we write/paint/make music/sing? Does the bed REALLY have to be made?

Let’s practice, then, today’s mantra. Instead of OM, chant with me: NNNNNOOOOOOOOO…

How Do I Get Started?

January 25, 2012 by admin

A reader asked me recently, “How do you get started as a writer?’

When I get a question like this, I think about the times when I didn’t know how to begin. How does anyone begin to act on their dreams? Many times people told me, “Just write,” but that wasn’t helpful. There are so many questions layered in that single question, things like: “Could I really do this?” “I want to write (paint, take pictures, act) but who do I think I am?” “What if I’m never any good?” “What if people don’t like my work?” “What if I never make money at it?” The list goes on and on.

When we ask how to begin, though, we’re also asking for someone to open a door and invite us in. We’re asking for help, one artist to another. We want encouragement. And, of course, we want specifics. So, here are a few:

Study, and that doesn’t mean go back to school (though it could). Study the works of others who have similar concerns or styles as you. Ask yourself, “What do I like about this work? What don’t I like?”
Find out what’s meaningful to you. In the case of the reader who inquired, she already has a subject in mind, but some of you don’t know what to write about. What excites you? Angers you? Keeps you up at night? Chances are, whatever affects you emotionally is a good subject.
Find books that open your creativity. For me, the classic is The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. When I ran across this book in 1997, I had no idea how it would change my entire life. Not only did I start writing spontaneously within three weeks of doing the exercises in the book, but I also learned to quilt, started taking photographs, and decided to travel more. Other people have their favorite creativity books, but this one is mine.
Let go of wanting to be perfect. Your first efforts won’t look good, and they shouldn’t! Be willing to write badly. I’m still a humble student with a great deal to learn.
The secret to writing, and to all of life, is to revise. Though my blogs tend to be off the cuff, my books are not. They go through a lot of changes along the way. Recently I was going through my late mother-in-law’s art, and I was struck by how many drawings she made of a subject before she made the actual painting. With each drawing, she made changes sometimes so subtle that I had trouble figuring out the differences — but she was looking for a particular look and feel, and she explored until satisfied.
Find people who do what you do and connect with them. If you’re a writer, join She Writes or Red Room or some other online writing group. She Writes has sub-groups within it, so if you’re a blogger, join the blogging group. If you can find a local critique group that you enjoy, all the better.
Now, after these other steps, I can say it: just do it. Spend some time each day writing, drawing, or whatever you’re inspired to do. You may not have a lot of time, but start with fifteen minutes. If you write a paragraph a day, you’re still writing. Over time, as you gain confidence, you’ll get creative to find more time. The more you practice, the more you learn.

I hope this is more helpful than “just write.” I hope this inspires you to begin. Fledgling artist, I am opening the door to you. Come inside sit down, and have some cookies. You are welcome here.

Celebrate! Take a Pause!

January 24, 2012 by admin

Music works not just because of the notes, but because of the space between them. Those pauses, some brief, some longer, create a mood. When we hear good music, we may fall in love all over again. Sometimes we are inspired, and other times just want to dance. Without the pauses, the music is nothing but a frantic pile of notes.

In life we must pause, too. Goldie Hawn, on Dr. Oz last week, said, “I have to take in that I’m holding a human brain.” She forced Dr. Oz and the audience to stop, breathe, and take in the magnificent wonder of that moment.

In Jewish religious services, each segment of the service is separated by a kaddish prayer. Each has a specific purpose, as in the well known Mourners’ Kaddish, but when we come to a kaddish, we know that we are pausing to transition to the next part of the service. It cleanses our spiritual palate.

In our work, though, we often move quickly from one project to the next, often not taking the time to stop, pause, and breathe. We run down our to-do list, busy, busy, busy, trying to take care of everything and everyone. Before we know it, the day is over, and we are left feeling as though we fell short somehow. I see this happen over and over again, especially with women. No matter how much we accomplish, it’s not good enough.

We haven’t learned how to pause.

Take a moment now. Stop reading this, close your eyes, and let in something that you completed yesterday or this morning. Maybe it was just unloading the dishwasher, but take a moment to celebrate. Acknowledge your success.

How did that feel? Did you let in that “atta girl” feeling easily, or was it a struggle? What if you did that throughout the day?

This past weekend I entered a manuscript in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel award contest. As I got closer to the opening of the entry period, I worked hard, making as many last-minute revisions as I could. I spent the prior seven days straight going through it over and over again. I entered the contest in part to give myself a deadline, and that last gasp of effort took a lot out of me.

So yesterday I stopped. I didn’t start a new project. Instead, I put on my 2010 NaNoWriMo winner t-shirt to remind me that I completed something big. I called a local day spa to book a special spa day for myself — I figure that finishing a book is a big deal that deserves some special celebrating. In a few days I will get pampered from head to toe.

I see many people start to pursue their dreams, only to get discouraged and quit before really getting started. I used to do that myself: get going, all excited, then bump up against a problem I didn’t know how to solve, or maybe just a good dose of fear. Being the good Puritan that I am, I would just work harder and try to muscle through. Of course, that doesn’t work. It just makes me tired and miserable.

What does work? I believe that if we build these little pauses and celebrations into our lives, giving ourselves little “atta girls” along the way, we settle down. We say, yes, I can do this. I can keep going.

Do you celebrate your successes, big or small? What’s your favorite celebration?

The War of Art: Winning the Inner Creative Battle by Steven Pressfield

January 10, 2012 by admin

First, I must apologize to the blogger who brought this book to my attention. I read a number of blogs and did not note where this recommendation came from. If you’re out there and happen to read this, let me know and I will give you proper acknowledgement. In the immortal words of Texas Governor and Presidential wannabe Rick Perry, “Oops.”

***

With this blog, I hope to encourage women, especially those of us who are 50+, to go for our dreams. For me, that means writing my books, but yours may be different. When I share information, even if it’s aimed at writers, I think it may work for a broader spectrum of people. I think that The War of Art by Steven Pressfield is one of those books. It even seems natural, after writing last week about my current weight loss journey, to discuss The War of Art next…yes, I think it can help with weight loss, too.

Let’s face it. Regardless of our dream or vision for our lives, we will have challenges. We get on the scale and see a plateau. We work hard on a book and struggle to find a publisher or, if we self-publish, struggle to find readers. My late mother-in-law Jenny, a fine artist, gave up on trying to display her work and ended up making it only for herself.

Steven Pressfield also had his share of disappointments and even disasters as a writer. A film he made with great pride and excitement bombed. He was left in the lobby of an agent who had sent him out to wait, then forgot about him…and that happened when he was in his 40s, after years of having manuscripts go nowhere.

Yet this author of The Legend of Bagger Vance and other novels persevered. Not only did he succeed, but in The War of Art he tells us wannabes how to persevere as well.

The first phase of the book talks about Resistance. Often, when we are working toward a goal, we will find ourselves struggling to meet it. We get busy doing other things. We run out of money. We decide that our work sucks and we shouldn’t bother. Pressfield would argue that whenever we find ourselves straying from that goal, we are encountering our Resistance. Often that resistance gets stronger as we get closer to our goal.

Think of it, ladies. For those of you who have given birth, isn’t there a moment toward the end, just before that beautiful child comes into the world, where you say to yourself something like, “I can’t do this!”? It happened for me as my daughter was starting to move into the birth canal. I announced that I couldn’t give birth, and I was ready right then for the C-section. She came out a few minutes later. Though this metaphor is mine, I think the ultimate creative process — birth — carries within it these elements of resistance that Pressfield writes about.

Writing about weight loss last week, I mentioned my fear of success. Someone asked me recently, “Why do we do that?” What a great question! Pressfield discusses the fear of success at length in his book, a culprit for many a creative person. I cringe at the ways I’ve sabotaged success over the years — sending out queries with typos, not following up on leads, not accepting help that was offered.

So what’s the answer to the question of “Why do we do that?” I have no idea. If we want to handle our resistance and fear, though, what if we tweaked the question? Let’s switch the “why” to “how,” and we may be on to something.

“How do we do that?” We stop writing. We eat the whole darn pie and give up on our diets. We fill our lives with food/drink/sex/work and all other manner of methods to avoid doing what our souls would have us do. Then we can move on to, “How do we NOT do that?” This is what Pressfield’s second section is about.

The second section is a blueprint for professionalism. For a writer who deals with periodic discouragement such as myself, it means getting butt in chair and writing, even if we think it sucks, and especially if we think it sucks. If we’re going back to school, signing up for the next semester can give us a moment of peace. If we want to lose weight, then taking a walk or preparing a lovely but healthful meal helps us stay on track. We listen to our fears, our pain, and our desire for self-sabotage, but we make a decision to do the opposite. In other words, we, in the words of Dr. Phil, behave our way to success. When we do the work that our soul needs, we feel nourished inside. Easy? Hell, no. But I think of a song by Tim McGraw in which he sings, “Temptations may come, that ain’t no sin. You get stronger every time that you don’t give in.”

In part three, Pressfield gets more spiritual. He points out the mysterious thing that happens when we do what our soul longs for. Something happens. The story we struggle with starts to open up and characters start telling US what they’re going to do. After several weeks of a plateau, our body’s metabolism suddenly kicks into gear and we start losing weight. We want to sign up for that conference that we can’t afford, and we end up getting a scholarship or benefactor to help us pay for it. Our wishful thinking alone doesn’t bring about change, but our longing combined with action creates opportunities.

I read The War of Art during a time of deep self-doubt. As I’ve worked on Blood and Loam, a novel that pushes every button I have inside of me, I wanted to quit. Pressfield reminded me that it’s just my resistance, and the more powerful the resistance, the more I need to finish. Oh, yeah, that again! So I sat down and went back to work…and I will finish the novel. If I need a little help, I’ll just go read The War of Art one more time.