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She Writes

A Book for Us Quiet Ones!

January 31, 2012 by admin

It sounds ironic, but I started to read Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’s Stop Talking by Susan Cain in order to feel less alone.  For all you outgoing people out there, we Innies do like people — we just prefer solitude or one-to-one contact to large groups. I haven’t yet finished it, but I’m already excited enough to share it!

I’ve been quiet my whole life. My kindergarten teacher described me in a report card as “withdrawn.” I’m not sure we saw this as a negative — to my parents’ credit, I never felt that way, at least. The teacher wanted me to join in with the class, but noted that I preferred to play alone. As a writer, I continue to crave solitude, and I tend to “disappear” in big gatherings.

We are often given the message that the lone wolf is synonymous with guys like the Unabomber — not a self-esteem builder. At times, people misinterpret my quiet nature as being arrogant or stuck-up. When I have nothing to say, I just keep my mouth shut! By the same token, when I do talk, I expect people to pay attention because I don’t like to waste words.

Cain notes, however, that those of us who are quiet often prefer, as I do, to express ourselves in writing. We may be far more willing to disclose deeply personal information online that we would never talk about in person. Check and check!

As I read this book, I am part of an online writing group called Blooming Late on She Writes. I’ve mentioned the group here before in other contexts, but as a refresher, we’re a group of over-40 women who are dedicating ourselves to writing. We’re a lively bunch, and I am constantly inspired and engaged by these fine writers. I’ve been lucky enough to read some of their books (I’m still going down the list) and am excited by the overall high quality of the work.

We’re working on a promotional project. We’re looking at ways as a group that we can get the word out about our writing to build readership of our blogs and books.

What does this have to do with Cain’s book? What I’m finding is that group collaboration works well online, and Cain agrees. We’re still feeling our way through this project, but the combination of bouncing ideas off of one another — and then retreating to time alone to reflect on them — is producing some exciting results. While we’re in the infancy of the project, I’m seeing tremendous potential for our group that I doubt would happen if we were all in a room together.

As writing and publishing has changed, I have often wondered if I have become obsolete. What Cain’s book reminds me, though, is that in this strange new world behind a computer, I may have an advantage. I can embrace my quiet nature with pride. More and more, I find myself connecting with people online and doing the networking I could never do well in person. Hubby and I have both met people in person as a result of some of these connections, and that’s exciting, too!

Cain suggests that companies are now starting to understand that some of us work better if we have quiet spaces to retreat to. We don’t all work well as a big gang in a room, constantly surrounded by people. She cites Steve Wozniak of Apple as an example, and I think that many of our computer experts are leading the way in demonstrating that true innovation is often made alone, and not by committee.

If you have been “made wrong” for being quiet, or if you have an introvert in your life whom you struggle to understand, you’ll enjoy this book.

 

Filed Under: women, writing Tagged With: Blooming Late, books, introversion, introverts, Quiet, She Writes, Susan Cain, women, women over 40, women writers, writing

Of Solitude and Support

March 28, 2011 by admin

“What a rude guy!” The class nodded in agreement. How dare Hemingway treat that poor man that way, refusing to chit-chat and insisting on getting his writing work done? At least, that’s how the majority of the class saw it that night, even the teacher, himself a writer. Many derisive comments were made, including an emphasis on how Hemingway’s writings were no longer “in style.” I slumped down in my seat, feeling too outnumbered to respond. Now I’m ashamed that I didn’t.

I think those in my class assumed that Hemingway could pop out stories with great ease, all while drinking, carousing, and carrying on great adventures. They didn’t understand that even the best writers have to work hard and may lose sleep over a single, elusive sentence. They didn’t realize that the Hemingway of those days was strapped for cash and enduring rejection after rejection while he and his wife scrimped on a modest inheritance of hers. They didn’t know that writers have to focus and concentrate, and that chatter takes us out of our groove. Like all writers he battled self-doubt and the sharp barbs of inner criticism, and the only way out was through, by working like crazy and trying to create publishable work.

For those of us who write, finding the solitude to create and to find the deeper places within ourselves where the bet stories lie, is a challenge. Even when we do that, we may get questions such as, “So what else do you do?” as though the writing takes ten minutes, and then what? Yet when we are writing new material and revising existing work, we desperately need quiet time to let ideas percolate and to resolve plot problems. Yes, some days it comes easily, but mostly it doesn’t.

Hemingway also knew that writers need support. He had friends in Paris, including Gertrude Stein, who could look at his work and provide qualified critiques. With these friends, he found his voice, the voice that still rings true to this day, whether or not he’s “in style.”

In my own life, I have lacked that circle of writing friends. There are the groups of people who want to talk about writing but never put a word on paper; the Ph.D. writers who want to bleed all the life and energy out of a piece; and those who aren’t geographically desirable. Online writing courses have been more helpful but haven’t created lasting relationships. So when I was invited to join She Writes, an online group for (primarily) women writers, I was skeptical.

She Writes provides social networking, allowing us to shamelessly plug our books, to blog, and to contribute to a variety of groups of our choosing. Now that the site has been around a while, people are starting to learn how to use the technology to create even greater support. We now have a weekly online chat for novelists, and I recently joined a new critique group that looks promising. The work I’ve read thus far is interesting, and the critiques are fair and helpful. I just posted some of my work yesterday, so we’ll see what happens on the receiving end. Most importantly, I’m starting to make friends with other people who understand what I’m doing and don’t think I’m rude if I say, “I’m off the site for a few days because I need to write.”

There are a few men on She Writes. Maybe Hemingway would have fit right in.

Filed Under: writing Tagged With: books, creativity, Hemingway, nadine feldman, nadine galinsky, novelist, novels, rough drafts, She Writes, writing

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