Nadine Feldman, Author

celebrating strong female characters and whatever else strikes my fancy

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Spa Week Continues: Remembering and Returning

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“You’re just scared.” With her trademark high-pitched giggle, a gentle hug, and a warm smile, country music legend Dolly Parton soothed Stephen Colbert as he displayed a rare moment of vulnerability. As one icon calmed another, they eventually performed their duet together.

After a “busy” day at the spa, I caught up on Colbert episodes in the evening, and Dolly’s presence brought back warm memories. My parents were country music fans, and I saw Dolly in concert at least twice, maybe more. When Dolly sat onstage alone with her guitar singing “mountain songs” of her childhood, such as Coat of Many Colors, that younger version of myself longed to write with that kind of simple beauty.

Oh, yeah, that…the songwriters of my youth pointed the way to my own love affair with words. Somewhere in the hassles of daily life, I had forgotten.

This week I have busied myself with stripping layers of tension and stress away, and what has remained? That which was already there. I have a plethora of tools at my disposal to help me navigate life’s stresses, but I sometimes forget what I already know. Slowing down, taking a break, has allowed me to say, “Oh, wait, I could do that…I could try this…”

Truth is, I had let the fears and anxieties take over. And yes, I had to admit, I uncovered some anger, too. I had allowed the behavior of a few thoughtless people to disrupt my zen. Upon further examination, perhaps I allowed them to do so because of the fears…my anger emerged because yet again, I had held myself back.

After lunch I felt some agitation again, just a day after spending hours in the spa. Some of life’s troubles had revisited and were churning inside me once again. I wandered over to the pool and alternated laps with dips in the hot tub, feeling my strength in the water with each stroke, grateful for the power of a healthy body. Once I had that “good tired” feeling, I went back to my room.

I had forgotten that according to Ayurveda, the sister science of yoga, water calms my fiery “pitta” nature. Later, while doing a specific yoga practice aimed at calming pitta, I was reminded of that and much more.

This week I have remembered that when I get into trouble with writing, I can always return to The Artist’s Way. Usually it takes just a few exercises in the book to get me jump-started again. I logged in to Julia Cameron Live and let her remind me, with her patient teacher’s voice, of what I had first learned from her more than fifteen years ago.

I also remembered that I can use yoga as therapy to quiet my inner storms and fears. Sure, I planned to meditate, but I’m someone who needs physical movement to really let go. As I’ve mentioned in this blog before, My Yoga Online is a great resource for videos, and I am using it extensively during this retreat week. (If anyone wants a two-week trial, let me know, and I’ll set you up.)

I had forgotten that for me, whatever the problem, writing is the cure. When I write, I am a happier person. Period. So I will keep writing, even if I feel like I’m talking in an (almost) empty room.

I had forgotten that even though we live in Paradise, we need a vacation now and then…and my sojourn on the sofa this summer while I waited to resolve medical difficulties doesn’t count. I was too tired then to do anything but catch up on every season of How I Met Your Mother. I needed solitude away from the house in which there are always rooms to clean and meals to cook.

Reading a novel this week, with great subject matter but unfortunate editing, I remembered that our work can be good without being perfect. While I want to create quality work, sometimes it’s just time to put the darn thing out there. I have good work worth finishing, and it’s time to get to it.

Mostly, I had forgotten that I’m a better writer when I see it as an adventure. The “get your butt in the chair” advice doesn’t work for me. Yeah, it appeals to that internal critic and editor, but for making new work, it needs to feel like I’m making mud pies. I need to be the small child who doesn’t care if her clothes get dirty, and allow myself to get lost in the exploration, the play. Early drafts are muddy and messy anyway. Why not just plop myself down and revel in it?

As I go forward, I hope I will also remember the moment of Stephen Colbert’s naked struggle as he sat next to his idol with guitar in hand, strumming along and harmonizing as best he could. He’s just scared. And so am I. And that’s just fine…I can find my way through my song, too.

 

Poser by Claire Dederer

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I know I’ve written a lot about yoga lately, and I promise, I’ll get on to other topics. However, I ran across a wonderful book that I couldn’t put down, so may I share just one more?

In Poser: My Life in Twenty-Three Yoga Poses, author Claire Dederer explores her life with yoga as the backdrop. While the book at times gets heavy on yoga explanations and history, it’s more about the yoga of life. Dederer grew up in an unusual family situation, and her yoga practice helps her come to terms with how her unique upbringing affected her marriage and how she raises her children. As she examines and unwinds the knots of her earlier life, she begins to let go of her need to “grow,” to “improve,” to “get better.”

When reading Poser, there were times when I felt annoyed with Dederer for a variety of reasons. She could be, at times, pedantic, self-absorbed, spoiled. Though only a little more than a decade separates our ages, I felt the wide gulf of our different generations separating us from each other.

As a writer, though, I admire her for telling her story so honestly that I would feel these emotions and judgments. There is an element of fearless authenticity to her work that grabbed my attention. I kept finding time in my day to pick up the book and read yet another chapter. In the end, I applauded her journey. She has written about ordinary life — marriage, children, and work struggles — but in a way that never gets boring.

Whether or not you’re into yoga, if you have ever found yourself trying to be the perfect wife or mom, or perfect woman of any kind, Poser will remind you that self-acceptance, not self-improvement, brings greater peace and joy to life.

Exercise On The Go

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Staying active is essential as we reach midlife and beyond, and I am always looking for new ways to work out, especially when we’re traveling. Lately we’ve shuttling back and forth between Houston and Washington state in preparation for our move. Staying on an exercise regimen is particularly challenging during this time, with the stress and disrupted routine, so having easy access to a variety of programs makes life much easier.

I think I have mentioned Fitness Class before, which is an iPad app that allows me to take exercise with me. My favorite instructor is Ellen Barrett, with her mind-body approach to aerobic and strength conditioning.

I’ve also discovered an exciting website that I wanted to share called My Yoga Online. For less than the price of a single yoga class, you can watch yoga videos, choosing from a variety of class lengths, difficulty levels, and goals. At home in Washington, I may choose a gentle class in the afternoon after the workday is over. Here in Houston, since I don’t have my free weights to do my strength training, I’m choosing power yoga, which allows me to use my body weight to build strength. My Yoga Online gives me the flexibility (pun intended) to choose the best class for me on a given day.

In addition to the classes, you can read articles and plug into the community. Now, if you’re new to yoga, I would still suggest taking some classes from a teacher to learn proper alignment, but if you are comfortable with yoga and want a variety of classes for your home practice, give My Yoga Online a look.

Happy exercising! I’ll be back next week, reporting from Washington while I wait for my furniture to arrive! Have a great weekend!

 

Yoga: Another Day, Another Scandal

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I love yoga. If you’ve spent any time reading this blog, you know that. I’ve spent more than half my life engaging in this powerful, life-affirming practice, and I credit much of my current health and well-being to the cumulative benefits of yoga over the years. I am and will continue to be a cheerleader for yoga. Yoga, however, is getting beat up in the media these days, and I feel compelled to respond to the various allegations coming to light in recent weeks.

First, author William Broad came out with a book that points out the potential for injury. His NYT article, How Yoga Can Wreck Your Body, has showed up everywhere.

On the heels of Broad’s article and book, a well-known teacher, John Friend, has been embroiled in scandal. Friend developed a yoga system known as Anusara, meaning “flowing with grace,” building a huge following and training a number of teachers. After Yoga Dork published allegations of sexual and financial impropriety, Friend has decided to resign as head of Anusara, Inc., and is taking time to reflect on his behavior. William Broad, who now apparently is the spokesman for all things yoga, gleefully weighed in on his assertion that yoga originated as a sex cult (not true — I’ve included a rebuttal here), and why should we be surprised?

In my years of study, I have encountered many teachers, both male and female. I have never encountered inappropriate behavior on the part of a teacher, and I believe that most teachers demonstrate a sincere desire to observe yoga’s ethical practices, the yamas and niyamas, which read similar in some ways to the Ten Commandments.

Still, success and adoration can blind even the best teacher to integrity, and John Friend is not the first to fall from grace. Sadly, this has happened more often than it should.

I will not excuse or defend Friend’s actions, some of which he has admitted to (he disputes others). A teacher-student relationship is a sacred one that must be handled in the same manner as a therapist-client or doctor-patient relationship is. I hope that Anusara survives as a practice, because it is worth preserving. While Friend must face the music, his work remains admirable.

Many who surrounded Friend enabled his behavior to continue by lying and covering for him. Those who studied with him had a responsibility to recognize where the teachings contradicted his actions. Like a dysfunctional family covering for an addict, Friend’s behavior continued because people didn’t dare speak out.

This dysfunction also shows up in the discussion about William Broad’s book. While I don’t agree with everything he says, we should be talking about injuries in yoga practice. My primary audience for this blog is women at midlife, and we need to take particular care to avoid injury, especially if we have other conditions such as knee problems, back problems, osteoporosis, etc.

I know of many teachers who want to “challenge” their students to “overcome” their self-imposed limitations by pushing their bodies further. Yet when I taught in a corporate environment, my observation was that most students pushed themselves too hard already — and I needed to gently bring them back, showing them the place where effort and self-compassion meet in the middle. Forget “Om” as mantra; mine was “safety first.” Don’t get me wrong, we worked hard, but we worked with loving care, too.

If you find yourself drawn to a yoga practice, and I hope you do, find a teacher who will help you work hard but stay relaxed and injury-free. And for God’s sakes, if a teacher shows any evidence of impropriety, find another teacher. If you have to sacrifice your integrity or values in a yoga class, it’s not the place for you. Do not do any pose that causes you pain (discomfort is okay, pain is not), regardless of what the teacher tells you. Be curious, but also be discerning. It’s your body, mind, and heart — take care of them.

 

I’m Guest Blogging Today!

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Hi, all,

I’m beginning my virtual yoga conference at YogaHub, where I will spend the next five days. In the meantime, thanks to Michele Tracy Berger for offering me a spot as a guest blogger, talking about creativity. You can find my guest post here.

See you next week!

Hello, Monday!

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I usually start with “good morning,” but it’s getting later and later, even here in Washington State. I’m on Port Townsend time, so I’m running late. A local hair salon indicates on its window that it opens at eleven-ish, so I think I’ll adopt the local lifestyle.

I spent the bulk of my weekend on a yoga mat under the tutelage of Angela Farmer. She affirmed my own approach to yoga, which is more internal, with strength and fitness a byproduct rather than the goal. We spent a lot of time focusing on areas in the body that hold tension, and with love and gentleness, invited them to unwind. My body happily responded to the nourishment; my monkey mind, with its endless chatter, is still trying to “figure out” what happened over the weekend. I shrug and say, “I’m all right,” while mind sputters with “But…but…but…”

With Farmer’s method, we travel with the body into a pose. At the first sign of tension, we stop and hang out for a while, listening to the “voice” of the tension and wriggling the tight area to invite it to release. By not forcing ourselves, and by letting go more and more, the body will use its own wisdom to release, allowing us to go farther into a pose than we thought possible.

The weekend with Angela Farmer and 35 of my new best friends taught me nothing new — and yet, it was worthwhile for reminding me of what I already know, and what my body understands even as my mind argues and frets. Any time we feel stress or strain, we can stop, breathe deeply into our backs, and reconnect our roots with the earth. As we guide ourselves with compassion back to our center, we can do the difficult tasks with a cheerful heart. This week we will do more work to get the house deal done, and I’m glad to have these reminders now!

Normally I have a theme in mind for the week, but I think in keeping with the spirit of the weekend, I”m going to hang loose and see what comes up day by day. It feels good to let go.