Nadine Feldman, Author

celebrating strong female characters and whatever else strikes my fancy

creativity

Goodbye Old Friends

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It’s been a tough 2016 so far for us Baby Boomers. So far we have lost Natalie Cole, David Bowie, Alan Rickman, and now Glenn Frey. All were in their 60s — far too young to me now. At 57, I can’t imagine the thought of having a decade or less to live.

We came of age with most of these icons (Alan Rickman came later). Bowie fascinated with his endless reinvention and enigmatic creativity. The Eagles formed a soundtrack for my restless, confused young adulthood. Later, in his solo career, Glenn Frey recorded one of my favorite songs, Soul Searchin’.

Natalie Cole’s Unforgettable, which used technological wizardry to allow her a duet with her late father Nat King Cole, was stunning. Though she grew up in his shadow, she forged her own unique style and career. When she died, I recalled how I felt at age six when I learned of her father’s death, also too soon.

Ours was the generation determined to make the world different. We were sure we would conquer aging, illness, and death. Yet here we are, unable to transcend our impermanence, just like every other generation.

The most stunning part of these deaths is the sheer weight of contributions made in life. They all leave behind an impressive body of work that will live long after them.

Most of us don’t know any of these celebrities, but their deaths hit us hard. They remind us to get busy, to make our lives as meaningful and rich as possible. Bowie managed to release one last album right before he died, and he reinvented himself to the end.

We cannot conquer old age or death, but we can let these icons teach us by example to make every day count. We could be here for decades, but we could be gone tomorrow. We might as well go for it.

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What She Knew is now available for pre-order! Ebook will be available February 29. Release date for the paperback is March 29.

What Ifs and Wales

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Portmeirion Village
Portmeirion Village

What if a man finds himself a prisoner in a place of great beauty, unable to go home? What if he loses his name and is known only as Number 6? What if he raises his fist and refuses to conform, saying, “I am not a number. I am a free man!”

Debonair, charismatic British actor Patrick McGoohan asked those questions in the 1960s during a visit to Portmeirion Village in Wales. The result was The Prisoner, an iconic miniseries that remains a cult favorite.

It’s not surprising that Portmeirion inspired a classic. Sitting on the edge of an estuary, Portmeirion has the look and feel of a hillside Italian village in miniature. Upon seeing it for the first time, I let out an involuntary gasp at the stunning, elegant buildings and the abundant nature surrounding them.

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Portmeirion was the brainchild of Clough Williams-Ellis, who asked himself, what if he could create beauty without disturbing the surrounding environment? He spent 50 years working on the answer.

What if? It’s my favorite question. Sometimes “what if” paralyzes me with fear when I’m trying something new and fear the worst. “What if” helps me plan ahead and solve problems before they happen. “What if” ponders my fate had I made different choices as a young woman.

As a writer, I rely on “what if” to come up with story ideas. What if an ambitious female money manager gets caught up in the Madoff scandal and loses the life she knew? What if a troubled young woman with low self-esteem and a burgeoning alcohol problem is the only person who can stop a dangerous bully? What if my great-great grandmother, the one who bore a child out of wedlock and died ten months later of typhoid, was not the victim her story would suggest?

“What if” brought me to Wales. When we decided to visit the U.K., I said, “What if I ask Juliet Greenwood, a Welsh author I met online, if she wants to meet in person?” I did ask, and she said yes. We met first in her home, then she joined us later to relax in Portmeirion.

Juliet recently wrote about her visit here. As you will see, she gathered some incredible nighttime photos!

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Juliet is one of those writers for whom I have great respect. She works hard at her craft and has created two lovely novels, Eden’s Garden and We That Are Left. Getting to know her better in person in Portmeirion made the experience that more magical.

What if I worked as hard to build my stories and skills as Juliet does? Hmm. Something to think about.

Rested and recovered with creative juices flowing, we left Portmeirion for Bronte Country. What if we find a Bronte ghost walking on the moors? More about that next week! As they say in The Prisoner, “Be seeing you.”

Spa Week Continues: Remembering and Returning

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“You’re just scared.” With her trademark high-pitched giggle, a gentle hug, and a warm smile, country music legend Dolly Parton soothed Stephen Colbert as he displayed a rare moment of vulnerability. As one icon calmed another, they eventually performed their duet together.

After a “busy” day at the spa, I caught up on Colbert episodes in the evening, and Dolly’s presence brought back warm memories. My parents were country music fans, and I saw Dolly in concert at least twice, maybe more. When Dolly sat onstage alone with her guitar singing “mountain songs” of her childhood, such as Coat of Many Colors, that younger version of myself longed to write with that kind of simple beauty.

Oh, yeah, that…the songwriters of my youth pointed the way to my own love affair with words. Somewhere in the hassles of daily life, I had forgotten.

This week I have busied myself with stripping layers of tension and stress away, and what has remained? That which was already there. I have a plethora of tools at my disposal to help me navigate life’s stresses, but I sometimes forget what I already know. Slowing down, taking a break, has allowed me to say, “Oh, wait, I could do that…I could try this…”

Truth is, I had let the fears and anxieties take over. And yes, I had to admit, I uncovered some anger, too. I had allowed the behavior of a few thoughtless people to disrupt my zen. Upon further examination, perhaps I allowed them to do so because of the fears…my anger emerged because yet again, I had held myself back.

After lunch I felt some agitation again, just a day after spending hours in the spa. Some of life’s troubles had revisited and were churning inside me once again. I wandered over to the pool and alternated laps with dips in the hot tub, feeling my strength in the water with each stroke, grateful for the power of a healthy body. Once I had that “good tired” feeling, I went back to my room.

I had forgotten that according to Ayurveda, the sister science of yoga, water calms my fiery “pitta” nature. Later, while doing a specific yoga practice aimed at calming pitta, I was reminded of that and much more.

This week I have remembered that when I get into trouble with writing, I can always return to The Artist’s Way. Usually it takes just a few exercises in the book to get me jump-started again. I logged in to Julia Cameron Live and let her remind me, with her patient teacher’s voice, of what I had first learned from her more than fifteen years ago.

I also remembered that I can use yoga as therapy to quiet my inner storms and fears. Sure, I planned to meditate, but I’m someone who needs physical movement to really let go. As I’ve mentioned in this blog before, My Yoga Online is a great resource for videos, and I am using it extensively during this retreat week. (If anyone wants a two-week trial, let me know, and I’ll set you up.)

I had forgotten that for me, whatever the problem, writing is the cure. When I write, I am a happier person. Period. So I will keep writing, even if I feel like I’m talking in an (almost) empty room.

I had forgotten that even though we live in Paradise, we need a vacation now and then…and my sojourn on the sofa this summer while I waited to resolve medical difficulties doesn’t count. I was too tired then to do anything but catch up on every season of How I Met Your Mother. I needed solitude away from the house in which there are always rooms to clean and meals to cook.

Reading a novel this week, with great subject matter but unfortunate editing, I remembered that our work can be good without being perfect. While I want to create quality work, sometimes it’s just time to put the darn thing out there. I have good work worth finishing, and it’s time to get to it.

Mostly, I had forgotten that I’m a better writer when I see it as an adventure. The “get your butt in the chair” advice doesn’t work for me. Yeah, it appeals to that internal critic and editor, but for making new work, it needs to feel like I’m making mud pies. I need to be the small child who doesn’t care if her clothes get dirty, and allow myself to get lost in the exploration, the play. Early drafts are muddy and messy anyway. Why not just plop myself down and revel in it?

As I go forward, I hope I will also remember the moment of Stephen Colbert’s naked struggle as he sat next to his idol with guitar in hand, strumming along and harmonizing as best he could. He’s just scared. And so am I. And that’s just fine…I can find my way through my song, too.

 

Die Vampire Die! (And Other Inspirational Songs)

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A sign we saw on our recent trip to Forks!

Since Hallowe’en is coming, I’ve been humming one of my favorite Broadway show tunes. A few years ago we saw [title of show] (which isn’t a typo, that’s the name of the show, complete with the brackets), and we use many of its songs as a source of creative inspiration. Die Vampire Die is a ditty about the creative “vampires” that can suck our creativity dry, and it has a way of bringing me back to a place of determination and resolve.

Sometimes we have a family crisis, or a crisis of confidence, but a lot can get in the way of our creativity. When that happens, we need a little boost to keep us going, to prevent that short break from turning into a long one.

When I get into those funks that make me want to give up, I use music to bring me back to the present moment so I can believe in myself again.

Some other songs to light the creative fire:  How Bad Do You Want it? by Tim McGraw; The Resolution by Jack’s Mannequin; The Rising by Bruce Springsteen; Breakaway by Kelly Clarkson; and God’s Promise by Ellis Paul (lyrics by Woody Guthrie). Enjoy this musical interlude!

How about you? Do you have favorite songs to lift your spirits when you’re feeling discouraged?

The Ghost of Emily Carr

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Canadians love Emily Carr. They didn’t back when she was still alive, an eccentric woman who didn’t follow society’s rules for her, but decades after her death, this artist and writer is hitting her stride. A Carr painting sold in 2009 went for $2 million. In Victoria, a bronze sculpture of her, complete with signature hair net and pet monkey Woo, greets tourists as they enter the garden area near the Fairmont Empress Hotel. A short walk away, her childhood home is on display for those who love her writings, art, or both.

(For a look at Carr’s art, click here. For a look at her books, click here.)

The sculpture apparently sets some peoples’ teeth on edge because it conveys the oddities of the woman and not her genius as an artist and writer. “This is a sculpture for tourists,” one critic complained.

Carr was well ahead of her time, a woman who chose not to marry in order to marry her art. She spent time in the forests of Vancouver Island, living with First Nations People and drawing images of their lives, including totem poles that European settlers later took down.* She lived in Victoria during its beginnings, born upon the arrival of the railroad, and her writings are rich with description of life in the city that hadn’t yet developed.

Though she struggled most of her life for money (even turning her back on art for 15 years to run a boarding house), she managed to scrounge enough together to study in San Francisco and, later, Europe. Fascinated by the post-Impressionists, her work took on new depth and dimension when she combined her love of Canadian nature with the influences of her European teachers, creating extraordinary works of vivid color and expression.

Though she had always kept journals, she turned seriously to writing late in life, when ill health kept her from traveling to her beloved woods to paint. Her writing gave her recognition, which then led her to Canada’s legendary Group of Seven, Canada’s finest artists of the time. She found a level of success at about the time she could no longer paint.

Carr was considered a “difficult” woman. Her legendary rudeness occurred when she thought young artists were lazy, or when someone was trying to interfere with her own art-making time. As someone who often gets snappish when I feel that others are trying to usurp my work time, I relate to her.

I thought about the many male geniuses whose bad behavior was often excused. Picasso, anyone? Or, we just saw a documentary on Bob Marley, whose influence on reggae and music in general still astounds — but who also seems to get a pass for less-than-stellar behavior. We women, on the other hand, are supposed to be “nice” no matter what. Some things haven’t changed since Carr’s time.

Sitting in her childhood home, I was overcome by her courage and forthright individuality. She reminded me, in her way, to get on with it — to create and to learn, to continue to seek out my own vision for my work. Like Emily, I love nature and animals, but am less comfortable with people. Like Emily, I have often felt a sense of isolation, of not fitting in, which often shows up in my fictional characters. Yet what fascinates me is that Emily Carr, in spite of what people thought, kept on with her craft, creating until the end of her days. I am a sucker for resilient people.

Let me be like Emily and to always create no matter what!

What artist, writer, or other figure has influenced you in your work? Do tell!

 

*Emily’s reputation has endured some controversy about her painting of Native totems. Though it is believed that the First Nations People of her generation supported her desire to preserve the images, other modern First Nations People see her as appropriating their work. In her writings, she herself struggles with her inability to comprehend fully the experience of native life. She also rails against the fashion of the time of “converting” and “civilizing” native peoples. Unfortunately, many of her reflections were edited out of her first book, Klee Wyck, leaving many First Nations People with an inaccurate impression of Carr.

I’m Guest Blogging Today!

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Hi, all,

I’m beginning my virtual yoga conference at YogaHub, where I will spend the next five days. In the meantime, thanks to Michele Tracy Berger for offering me a spot as a guest blogger, talking about creativity. You can find my guest post here.

See you next week!