• Skip to main content

Nadine Feldman, Author

celebrating strong female characters and whatever else strikes my fancy

  • Home
  • Reviews
  • Contact
  • Book Clubs
  • About Nadine
  • Sample Chapters
You are here: Home / Archives for inspiration

inspiration

My Mother, My Muse

December 23, 2021 by admin

My mom & dad, a 70-year love story

Today I am not trying to sell books. For that reason I am not including purchase links to the ones I mention below. I just want to try to express what is in my heart, though words are difficult to come by right now. Please bear with me. I have written about some of what follows before, but it bears repeating. Sometimes we have to tell a story many times to connect the right threads.

On December 19, my mother, who I jokingly said had more lives than two cats, said goodbye to the world. Her determined, fighting spirit could no longer master the body that had grown too fragile, too frail.

I write this today because those two telephone calls totally changed the trajectory of my life in ways too many to count. Two calls that gave me an entirely different life.

In 1998, a few months after I’d had a stillbirth, my second pregnancy loss in nine months, Mom and I talked on the phone. My husband at the time and I were going to a support group for parents. I learned that she and Dad were grieving as deeply as I was, and I quickly learned about the unique qualities of a grandparent’s grief. She asked me if I could find them a book that would help them, and I assured her I would.

There was just one problem: at the time, there were no such books currently in print. I managed to find an out-of-print book and some pamphlets, but that was it.

Like a lot of people, I’d “always wanted to write a book someday.” Turns out, When a Grandchild Dies: What to Do, What to Say, How to Cope, was that book. I gathered information from grandparents who said they’d never been able to share their story with anyone before. To this day, WGD continues to help people.

WGD helped me, too. It helped me as a grieving mom, and my parents, but also guided me to the writing path I had longed for. A further side benefit was, when I met my current husband, WGD made him want to get to know me better.

All this from one telephone call.

Fast forward to 2014. We were planning a trip to Scotland, and I asked Mom if there was anything she wanted me to see on her behalf. Her answer surprised me: “I’d like to know where my great-grandfather is buried,” she said. That simple remark led to my finding him, but also learning that the woman who bore his child was not who we thought she was…and I discovered Jane Thorburn, who had disappeared from the family history. This led to a new interest in genealogy, but also to The Factory Girl and the Fey. The lack of details from Jane’s life could only be filled in by fiction.

The struggle to finish Factory Girl took years. It was an unruly book, a new genre for me, and one that punched all my emotional buttons. As Mom’s health and vitality began to fail, I feared I wouldn’t get it done in time for her to read it. I sent her drafts, just in case. Then, finally, I was able to send her a real book.

It’s too soon to say what finishing Factory Girl will lead to for me, but I have a feeling more major life changes are yet to come.

All because of one telephone call.

There were likely countless other times when her words influenced me, and no doubt they will surface in the coming weeks and months. Thanks, Mom, for being my muse. Say hi to Dad for me. Love you.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: family, grief, inspiration, mothers, muse

What Ifs and Wales

November 6, 2014 by admin

Portmeirion Village
Portmeirion Village

What if a man finds himself a prisoner in a place of great beauty, unable to go home? What if he loses his name and is known only as Number 6? What if he raises his fist and refuses to conform, saying, “I am not a number. I am a free man!”

Debonair, charismatic British actor Patrick McGoohan asked those questions in the 1960s during a visit to Portmeirion Village in Wales. The result was The Prisoner, an iconic miniseries that remains a cult favorite.

It’s not surprising that Portmeirion inspired a classic. Sitting on the edge of an estuary, Portmeirion has the look and feel of a hillside Italian village in miniature. Upon seeing it for the first time, I let out an involuntary gasp at the stunning, elegant buildings and the abundant nature surrounding them.

IMG_3363

Portmeirion was the brainchild of Clough Williams-Ellis, who asked himself, what if he could create beauty without disturbing the surrounding environment? He spent 50 years working on the answer.

What if? It’s my favorite question. Sometimes “what if” paralyzes me with fear when I’m trying something new and fear the worst. “What if” helps me plan ahead and solve problems before they happen. “What if” ponders my fate had I made different choices as a young woman.

As a writer, I rely on “what if” to come up with story ideas. What if an ambitious female money manager gets caught up in the Madoff scandal and loses the life she knew? What if a troubled young woman with low self-esteem and a burgeoning alcohol problem is the only person who can stop a dangerous bully? What if my great-great grandmother, the one who bore a child out of wedlock and died ten months later of typhoid, was not the victim her story would suggest?

“What if” brought me to Wales. When we decided to visit the U.K., I said, “What if I ask Juliet Greenwood, a Welsh author I met online, if she wants to meet in person?” I did ask, and she said yes. We met first in her home, then she joined us later to relax in Portmeirion.

Juliet recently wrote about her visit here. As you will see, she gathered some incredible nighttime photos!

IMG_3381

Juliet is one of those writers for whom I have great respect. She works hard at her craft and has created two lovely novels, Eden’s Garden and We That Are Left. Getting to know her better in person in Portmeirion made the experience that more magical.

What if I worked as hard to build my stories and skills as Juliet does? Hmm. Something to think about.

Rested and recovered with creative juices flowing, we left Portmeirion for Bronte Country. What if we find a Bronte ghost walking on the moors? More about that next week! As they say in The Prisoner, “Be seeing you.”

Filed Under: books, travel, writing Tagged With: books, creativity, fiction, good books, inspiration, novels, Portmeirion, travel, Wales, women's fiction

Spa Week Continues: Remembering and Returning

November 29, 2012 by admin

“You’re just scared.” With her trademark high-pitched giggle, a gentle hug, and a warm smile, country music legend Dolly Parton soothed Stephen Colbert as he displayed a rare moment of vulnerability. As one icon calmed another, they eventually performed their duet together.

After a “busy” day at the spa, I caught up on Colbert episodes in the evening, and Dolly’s presence brought back warm memories. My parents were country music fans, and I saw Dolly in concert at least twice, maybe more. When Dolly sat onstage alone with her guitar singing “mountain songs” of her childhood, such as Coat of Many Colors, that younger version of myself longed to write with that kind of simple beauty.

Oh, yeah, that…the songwriters of my youth pointed the way to my own love affair with words. Somewhere in the hassles of daily life, I had forgotten.

This week I have busied myself with stripping layers of tension and stress away, and what has remained? That which was already there. I have a plethora of tools at my disposal to help me navigate life’s stresses, but I sometimes forget what I already know. Slowing down, taking a break, has allowed me to say, “Oh, wait, I could do that…I could try this…”

Truth is, I had let the fears and anxieties take over. And yes, I had to admit, I uncovered some anger, too. I had allowed the behavior of a few thoughtless people to disrupt my zen. Upon further examination, perhaps I allowed them to do so because of the fears…my anger emerged because yet again, I had held myself back.

After lunch I felt some agitation again, just a day after spending hours in the spa. Some of life’s troubles had revisited and were churning inside me once again. I wandered over to the pool and alternated laps with dips in the hot tub, feeling my strength in the water with each stroke, grateful for the power of a healthy body. Once I had that “good tired” feeling, I went back to my room.

I had forgotten that according to Ayurveda, the sister science of yoga, water calms my fiery “pitta” nature. Later, while doing a specific yoga practice aimed at calming pitta, I was reminded of that and much more.

This week I have remembered that when I get into trouble with writing, I can always return to The Artist’s Way. Usually it takes just a few exercises in the book to get me jump-started again. I logged in to Julia Cameron Live and let her remind me, with her patient teacher’s voice, of what I had first learned from her more than fifteen years ago.

I also remembered that I can use yoga as therapy to quiet my inner storms and fears. Sure, I planned to meditate, but I’m someone who needs physical movement to really let go. As I’ve mentioned in this blog before, My Yoga Online is a great resource for videos, and I am using it extensively during this retreat week. (If anyone wants a two-week trial, let me know, and I’ll set you up.)

I had forgotten that for me, whatever the problem, writing is the cure. When I write, I am a happier person. Period. So I will keep writing, even if I feel like I’m talking in an (almost) empty room.

I had forgotten that even though we live in Paradise, we need a vacation now and then…and my sojourn on the sofa this summer while I waited to resolve medical difficulties doesn’t count. I was too tired then to do anything but catch up on every season of How I Met Your Mother. I needed solitude away from the house in which there are always rooms to clean and meals to cook.

Reading a novel this week, with great subject matter but unfortunate editing, I remembered that our work can be good without being perfect. While I want to create quality work, sometimes it’s just time to put the darn thing out there. I have good work worth finishing, and it’s time to get to it.

Mostly, I had forgotten that I’m a better writer when I see it as an adventure. The “get your butt in the chair” advice doesn’t work for me. Yeah, it appeals to that internal critic and editor, but for making new work, it needs to feel like I’m making mud pies. I need to be the small child who doesn’t care if her clothes get dirty, and allow myself to get lost in the exploration, the play. Early drafts are muddy and messy anyway. Why not just plop myself down and revel in it?

As I go forward, I hope I will also remember the moment of Stephen Colbert’s naked struggle as he sat next to his idol with guitar in hand, strumming along and harmonizing as best he could. He’s just scared. And so am I. And that’s just fine…I can find my way through my song, too.

 

Filed Under: creativity, Life Changes, writing Tagged With: Alderbrook Resort & Spa, creativity, inspiration, retreat, solitude, spa vacation, writer's block, writing, yoga

Blog Recommendation: Inspiration Peak

September 1, 2011 by admin

“It rains here so people know to rest.” Our landlord was discussing our plans for the next few days, as clouds and rain have rolled in. I am also slowed by two large blisters, one on the side of each foot. While they haven’t stopped my hiking because of their location, they woke me in the night a few times. Today we have an easy schedule with no hiking involved, to give my feet a chance to rest and heal.

Many of us have been forced to rest and heal at this point in our lives. I’ve met a number of women recently who have shared stories of how they started writing at midlife. In many cases, illness forced them to slow down and reassess their lives, causing them to change priorities to those which mattered more. This happened to me as well, though my moment of truth occurred at age 37 when I temporarily lost my ability to think, let alone write. As I look back on those years of chronic illness, I am grateful for the gift I received: I learned that to speed up in my life, I needed to slow down.

Having learned from this experience, though, I not only have committed to my writing but also to keeping myself healthy and strong. This includes taking needed downtime to relax and rejuvenate.

As children, we were taught the story of The Tortoise and the Hare. We learned that “slow and steady wins the race.” Unfortunately, we have sped up as a society and embraced “no pain, no gain,” and “just do it.”

As we enter September, we’re going to examine silence and stillness as tools for helping us manifest our dreams. It may feel counter-intuitive at first, but when we learn to spend time, even a little bit of time, quieting our minds and bodies, we somehow get more done with less effort. I almost hesitate to write that, because the goal is not to achieve — the goal is to relax and delve into deeper parts of ourselves. The achievement is more of a side benefit.

Let’s start with something easy. By reading inspirational words daily, we give ourselves time to nurture our spirits, which are often parched from day-to-day pressures and stresses. For today, I thought I would recommend Inspiration Peak, a place to find quotes, stories, and poetry. Spend five our ten minutes on this site. Instead of refreshing the web page, the page refreshes you!

I hope you enjoy visiting this lovely site and that you find inspiration there. I’ll be back on Monday with new blog posts. Have a great weekend!

Filed Under: blogs Tagged With: creativity, inspiration, Inspiration Peak, writing

Copyright © 2023 · Author Pro on Genesis Framework · WordPress · Log in