Nadine Feldman, Author

celebrating strong female characters and whatever else strikes my fancy

writing

Hope for the Insecure Writer

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Do you ever have those times when you are bored with yourself? I had one of those mornings as I struggled (and failed) to come up with meaningful, eloquent prose to share. I have plenty to say, but my words came out plain vanilla instead of Rocky Road.

This happens from time to time. I’m in the midst of some deep structural revisions to my novel, and am adjusting my approach as I study my craft. It’s like rewiring the brain, and right now I feel like I did in junior high when the girls’ clothes no longer fit, but the women’s clothes didn’t work, either.

I was so depressed I set aside my blog. Instead, I decided to shop for bedspreads online. Why bedspreads? Oh, I don’t know. Maybe I had a deep-seated urge to crawl under the covers and hide. In a few days, as my purchases arrive, we will know how much folly I have wrought with my purchases.

There is hope, however.

First, a small group of us on Goodreads plans to do an informal NaNoWriMo in February. Since this isn’t a formal, sanctioned NaNoWriMo event, writers can choose to work on either new or existing material. This has provided me enough psychic juice to get back to work on my novel without waiting until February.

Then, I learned about The Insecure Writer’s Support Group. Insecure? Me? Yes! And I’m not alone! *happy dance* We’re doing a blog hop in April. Since I’ve wanted to perk up my blog, this is a good way to kick into gear.

Yes, I know. Blog hops mean reading lots of blogs as well as writing them, and that’s a time challenge. However, I can prepare blogs in advance of the hop, and now that I’m breaking the Facebook habit…

Finding the ISWG felt like receiving a Message from God. Or am I a Mission from God? Let’s take a moment to pay homage to the Blues Brothers, shall we?

The ISWG is organizing a blog hop for April, so if you’re an Insecure Writer like me who’s looking to re-energize, take a look and see if it looks like fun for you.

Already I am feeling better. Just knowing there’s a group for Insecure Writers like me gives me the extra steam to keep going.

Hope to see you there!

Do long-term projects get you down? How do you cope?

New Year Reflections

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When we first thought about moving to Port Townsend, we visited in November and December to see if we could handle the darkness. Not only are the days shorter than in Houston, but in this small town we have fewer electric lights. Even after nearly three years here, we are not jaded to the sight of a night sky with thick layers of stars.

I love the winter. As a writer, I am always fighting the distractions of life. This time of year, friends are out of town, the garden needs little work beyond pruning the fruit trees, and I can curl up on the sofa with a cup of hot tea and FOCUS. I am a hibernating bear here, enjoying the solitude and quiet. In the darkness, the nothingness, my world begins anew.

We are, of course, starting a new year. This is a natural time for reflection, to revisit dreams we set aside yet again, to hope, to start fresh. Of course we can do that on any given day, but there’s something special about making new commitments in the dark of winter.

My resolutions work better when they are fairly general. I plan to get healthier in 2015. This includes following a more seasonal diet, and to that end I’m taking Dr. John Douillard’s Three Season Diet Challenge. Dr. John bases his work on Ayurvedic principles, and the more I practice them, the better I feel.

I’m also taking Gaiam TV’s 21-Day Yoga Challenge. Gaiam TV requires a subscription, though they do have cheap starter deals for anyone who’s interested. Having practiced yoga for more than half of my life, my practice can sometimes get a bit stale. Taking the challenge exposes me to styles of yoga that are different from my usual routine, allowing me to mix things up a bit.

One of my big issues is giving my own hopes and dreams the time and energy they deserve. I intend to finish my second novel this year. What She Knew is coming along well, but I’m giving it more punch. To help me with that, I’m using the book Writing with Emotion, Tension, & Conflict by Cheryl St. John, and it’s providing me with some marvelous help. My goal is to get the book done, including multiple rounds of editing, by the end of the year. I also hope to blog more this year and to extend my reading audience.

From the darkness, hope rebounds. I reset, recalibrate, recommit.

What about you? Do you make resolutions? What is your vision for 2015?

 

No Place Like Home

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My sweetie at Stonehenge
My sweetie at Stonehenge

I love to travel, I really do. Our recent month-long trip to the U.K. was extraordinary. We met warm, friendly people everywhere we went. The diverse geography of Scotland and Wales surprised us, and we struck a balance between rest and activity.

Meanwhile, now we’re home, returning to routine. Smells of beets and carrots roasting in the oven, and kitchari on the stove, fill the house. Apples are picked and applesauce made. I’ve aggressively pruned my lavender since I now understand it’s nearly impossible to kill it. I’ve installed mulch under the fruit trees and planted cover crop to provide a protective blanket of green to bare soil.

Henry and I both feel changed by the trip. Magic is afoot, though its definition eludes us at the moment. The last time a trip impacted us this much, we moved cross-country.

While I continue to process its meaning, though, I have noticed a shift in my writing practice. I have returned to my novel manuscript, slowing the pace to consider individual sentences or to ponder word choice. At the end of each day I don’t have a lot of pages under my belt, but the work is stronger and more detailed. I am more protective of my writing time. I feel quieter and more creative. I feel more determined.

Other changes are showing themselves bit by bit. I have “unfollowed” Facebook friends who over-post or dwell on the unpleasant. I have unplugged from all Facebook games. I visit Facebook less often.

Six days ago, I quit drinking Diet Coke. This addiction, in my opinion, has affected my physical and emotional health, so it has to go. Instead, I’m drinking tea. For the afternoon, when I need a bit of fizz, I combine a homemade root beer tea with a splash of club soda. I’ve failed several times in my attempts to abstain, but I am ready to try again — and hopeful I have a better strategy, which I’ll write about in more detail at another time.

I’ve returned to healthful eating habits, and I’m exercising daily. Travel is tough on the waistline!

Who knows what happened to cause so many shifts? Maybe the ghosts of the Bronte sisters are urging me on. They knew how short and precious life can be. Maybe I’m just refreshed from the long break, especially since we could ignore our legal woes for a month. Maybe genealogy provides a longer lens that changes my worldview. Or maybe Stonehenge worked some goo-bi-di-goo on me. I don’t know.

In short, I am returning to the routine and activities that nourish me and bring me both health and happiness. Much as we love travel, it’s good to come home.

The View from Our Deck -- Truly, There is No Place Like Home.
The View from Our Deck — Truly, There is No Place Like Home.

Bad Boys and Nasty Girls: The Unlikeable Characters We Love

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Apparently my lead character in my work in progress is not “likeable” enough. “She’s shallow and materialistic,” one person declared.

I know. I made her that way. On purpose. I’ve also heard this before, about other characters I’ve written. One of those novels is now so overwritten it may never see the light of day. It tries to hard to somehow apologize for my protagonist, in that case a promiscuous young woman with an alcohol addiction.

I’m not dismissing the critiques. Writers benefit from having fresh eyes looking at our manuscripts, and as I work on my latest revisions, I have kept my readers’ valuable comments in mind.

But something bothers me about this likeability thing.

Turning to that vast repository of information and opinion, the Internet, I found other authors who are bothered by it, too. Daniel Swenson of Surlymuse.com wrote a thoughtful piece about this very subject. Roxane Gay also weighs in on Buzzfeed.com.

Granted, characters should be enticing. They should fascinate. But we don’t have to like them.

Take two of television’s most iconic antiheroes: Tony Soprano and Walter White. Believe it or not, I’m just now watching The Sopranos, and we didn’t catch up on Breaking Bad until after the finale. Both men are violent, sociopathic, despicable. Yet these are characters we remember.

Granted, in both cases we are watching the skill of extraordinary actors. In Tony Soprano, we see the lost, wounded little boy who suffers from depression and panic attacks as an adult. We also see, in spite of his mobster lifestyle, a guy having to deal with mouthy teenagers, aging parents, and other life problems we can all relate to. In Walter White, we feel the frustrations of a brilliant Everyman, for whom life has dealt repeated doses of unfairness.

These are also men, though Woody Allen’s caustic Blue Jasmine could give both men a run for their money on the female side. Television has also given us Glen Close’s Patty Hewes in Damages, though methinks the writers tried a bit too hard to soften Patty’s mean streak. She’s a lot more fun when she’s at her worst.

Truth is, my protagonist interests me. In all of my work, there seems to be a focus on redemption, on people growing into better versions of themselves. It feels more like the human journey to me. It’s why I prefer Spiderman and Batman to Superman. It’s why, from a story perspective, I prefer the Old Testament to the New. Those people were messed up…much like we all are.

What do you think? Who are your favorite heroes or antiheroes from books, television, or movies?

Meeting the Shadow

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Normally I wouldn’t discuss a writing class in this blog, but the one I’m taking is more about inner growth work than writing, so I thought I would share! This class, Shadow Writing, is taught by Gloria Kempton, whom I met at a recent writers’ conference. I loved Gloria’s warmth and honesty, and something inside me whispered, “You can trust this teacher.”

For those not familiar with the concept of the “shadow,” it’s the part of ourselves that we keep hidden. We bury it under social masks, and the more we deny that part of ourselves, the more it wreaks havoc with our lives. For writers, denying the shadow self makes for weak and uninspired characters, because as writing brings us closer to our shadow, often we start making excuses for not finishing our work.

I signed up for the course because I have a villain in one of my novels whose head I’ve never quite been able to get into. I’ve also felt that my writing of late has been bland and boring, and I’ve lost some motivation to write — and yet, I know that when I am writing, I am a happier person.

In the past few weeks, I’ve gotten better acquainted with this character. I’ve poked into his childhood to try to understand why he is so cruel and sadistic. I’ve poked into my brain to uncover why I’m so unwilling to let him express himself fully. As a result, I’ve bumped into my shadow on several occasions already. Good thing my teacher feels so safe to me, because I’ve shed many tears in the past few weeks as I get to know this side of myself.

Through my studies, I am encountering the way I envy others who have been more successful at writing. I’ve also uncovered a great deal of ambition that I had pushed aside. No wonder I’m so darn tired all the time! So yes, I am admitting that I would like to sell some books…maybe even a lot of them. No more apologizing for wanting that!

Already I’m spending more consistent and focused time on the novel I’ve been working on, and in December I should be able to dust off the old novel with my problematic villain to try, yet again. The more I embrace my shadow, the more I am at peace.

Do you have any buried longings or dreams?

Random 5 Friday…A Little of This, a Little of That

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It’s Friday, so it’s time for the Random 5! Check out Nancy at A Rural Journal to catch up with a lot of fine bloggers. I’m still making my way through the list, but I’m seeing some quality writing and brilliant photography. Enjoy, and have a great weekend!

Here’s my five:

  1. Cloris Leachman has the town abuzz. She’s been visiting, and the Cloris sightings are everywhere (she even showed up at an open house for a friend’s birthday). We caught a glimpse of her, too, as we passed by one of our favorite restaurants and saw her sitting at a table near the window. She looks amazing! 
  2. I picked the first figs off the tree. The fruit will keep me busy for the next few weeks. Figs are fragile things and can get mushy if left unpicked for too long. I’ve just put a batch of them in the freezer!
  3. I’m oh so close to finishing draft #2 of my next novel. I have about twenty pages left, though I am sure I will need to add more to the end. I’m wrapping it up waaayyyyy too fast. I was hoping to finish this draft by the end of August, and it looks like I may make my goal, even with adding more scenes!
  4. The sun has returned after two rainy days. We took a walk in the rain yesterday, and it was glorious! It made a mess of my hair, but I didn’t want to put my hood up…it was like getting a nice, misty facial.
  5. Just as I woke this morning, I learned from American Express that someone tried to use my card number yet again. I’m grateful that the good folks at AmEx are on top of these things, but I’m annoyed at what will be the third replacement in just a few years. Worse, it creeps me out that any time someone attempts a fraudulent charge, it’s for something that I might actually purchase. Are these creeps reading my blog? Makes me wonder.

Here’s a bonus for friends who may be going through menopause. I’m going to be listening to a webinar this coming week. If you’re interested in learning more about “The Powerful Transition of Perimonopause and Menopause,” take a look at this video here. I hope it’s helpful!