Nadine Feldman, Author

celebrating strong female characters and whatever else strikes my fancy

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Learning More Than French in French Class

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We returned to Houston from a family visit, having scheduled our flight so I could be back in time to go to French class. I’ve been studying since January, and my original goal was to be fluent enough to chat with marketplace vendors during an upcoming trip.

French, for me, is hard. First, I’m dusting off some unused brain cells, and I often lapse into Spanish, which I haven’t studied since my youth. Then, of course, there is the ongoing challenge of life’s interruptions, which sometimes limit my study time. I won’t even begin to discuss the many and varied excuses I can come up with for why I shouldn’t put in the effort. As a writer, I have a good imagination, and I can be very creative in convincing myself that I am incapable of learning the language. And yet, I keep going back to class.

So why do I go? I could be like many other Americans and use a phrasebook or point or talk loudly in English, thinking that the French would better understand me if I pump up the volume. I don’t need all this struggle–I’ve got enough to do! However, other reasons compel me to continue.

There are the students themselves, with whom I share a love of travel. Several of us are close in age, and we’ve not only helped each other with our studies, but we have bonded as friends. We have seen family photos and keep up with everyone’s personal current events.

Then there is Josee. My teacher is part mother, part clown, and part therapist, gently cajoling and coaxing us to expand our vocabulary. Like many women, I have moments where I am busy nurturing others and am not getting nurtured. Every Monday and Wednesday afternoon, I feel my cup being filled with Josee’s lovingkindness.

As I was heading out the door yesterday, she asked me, “How is the writing going?” Her husband writes, so she’s always interested. I filled her in, and then the conversation turned to French films. She talked about how important it is to her, when reading a book or watching a movie, to feel invited in to participate. “I don’t want someone telling me how to think and feel,” she said. “I want to make up my own mind.”

Bingo. That’s what’s wrong with my novel, and her words were like a message from God to me. I’m not beating myself up–sometimes we need to get a bit heavy-handed in our earlier drafts because we’re trying to understand our characters or the story we’re trying to convey. But it tells me where to go in the next revision. It’s time for me to become, well, a little more French. This incident also reminds me that writing solutions often come in unexpected and wonderful ways.

Doing and Not Doing

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The past month has been crazy as I prepared for the Agents’ and Editors’ conference, but I came back fired up from all that time with fellow writers.  I plowed into my current projects: revising, laying out, and organizing. I set up my calender for the next several months.

I love when I get that much energy and fire to do my work. However, I also know that to be most effective, I need to take a certain amount of time off. Otherwise, I get burned out, cranky, and obnoxious (well, more than usual).

A few days ago we hopped a plane and are visiting family in Illinois. We are away from the searing Texas heat, and the pace of our visit allows us a lot of downtime.

Somewhere deep in the recesses of my brain, neurons are firing, solving problems with manuscripts, thinking about changes to the layout, and dreaming of new writing. I know that when I get home, rested and refreshed, I will have new and better ideas for my work. It never fails.

For me personally, part of being a writer has been to give up my Puritanical work ethic and to focus more on flowing with the writing. I value my ability to be consistent and organized–these qualities keep me on track. But cultivating the qualities of pacing, rest, and gentleness will make the writing I do better and more pleasurable.

A Bad Day Writing is Better Than a Good Day Doing Anything Else

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Today I printed a draft layout of Patchwork and Ornament. Taken from the journals and writings of my late mother-in-law, Jenny Feldman, P&O details her life from growing up in the South Bronx during the Depression, to her life as an artist and world traveler.

While I have a ways to go before it’s ready to go to print, I get goosebumps looking at the work. I am totally in love with it, not just because I love the author but because I think it’s really good.

Last year I left my corporate job with the intention of taking a year off to write. At the end of that year, my husband and I decided to extend my hiatus indefinitely, and each day I head to my writing area by about 8:00 a.m. and go to work. As with any job, some days I don’t want to do it. Some days the writing doesn’t go well, or I wonder if I will ever learn to write at all.

But today, when I look at the draft and see how far it’s come in a short time, I am filled with a satisfaction and joy that I find nowhere else. In these moments, just as after childbirth, I forget the pain and gaze with wonder at this new creation.

Writing can be isolating, lonely, and discouraging at times. We work hard, sometimes for years, and the work doesn’t always see the printed light of day. Even if it does, it may not sell. Still, I accept this life because of these magical moments, when everything comes together, and I feel like I know who I am.

Generosity and Business

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I listen to a lot of podcast authors, and they all say the same thing: be willing to give some product away, and you will build an audience of paying customers. This runs counter to everything I learned in the olden days when dinosaurs roamed the earth, but they tell me it’s true. Last weekend I became convinced that they are on to something.

While at the Agents’ and Editors’ conference, I attended a seminar on social media (hence my new enthusiasm for blogging). The two ladies who presented the seminar were knowledgeable and eager to share their wisdom. The result? I am seriously keeping them in mind for the near future to help me with the business end of my work.

I’ve taken other seminars in which the presenter was clearly protecting his or her self-interests and being selective about what information to reveal…telling just enough of the story to encourage dependence on their services. Needless to say, these are not the type of people I want to do business with.

As I proceed with this blog and other media, I hope to share meaningful information and dialogue. I love the new paradigm of building online community so we can help each other succeed. And I love the idea of hiring generous people when I need help.

What’s Next?

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Last August I began work in earnest on a paranormal thriller that won’t leave me alone. I’ve had a long history with this book, initially trying to write it more than 20 years ago…long story. Anyway, I attended the Writers’ League summer writing retreat in Alpine, Texas, hoping that someone would talk me out of finishing it. Of course, no one did!

I worked feverishly on the novel for ten months, including getting the first 40 pages or so critiqued in the Gotham Writers Workshop. I also entered the synopsis and first ten pages in the Writers’ League manuscript contest, and while I didn’t win or even make the finals with my novel (I did make the finals with a narrative nonfiction that I’m working on–yay), I received a helpful critique that identified a significant problem in my manuscript.

Unfortunately, despite my best efforts, I realized that the novel is still not ready to pitch. I still feel that there are some fundamental flaws that I need to address. I’m going to take a little break from it to create distance and to create some new material. At that point, I am going to get more critiques and see if some fresh eyes can help me figure out the problems.

I’ve just spent a weekend hanging out with other writers who understand the crazy road that we writers take, and it helps to know I’m not alone…that some books take years and years to complete. They are done when they are done, and no sooner.

Return from Austin Agents’ and Editors’ Conference

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I just got back from my first agents’ and editors’ conference. As someone who enjoys being an independent publisher, I confess to some resistance to exploring traditional publishing. However, it was a great way to meet agents and other writers and to learn what’s going on in the industry.

So what is going on in the industry? Well, it’s not looking good. It’s tougher to get a book published today through traditional means, and even established authors are getting less support for promoting their work. One agent told the story of an author with eight–count ’em, eight–best sellers, who was used to going on her book tours in planes and in limos, who is now driving around at her own expense.

There is still a stigma, perhaps even more so, for the self-published book. Print on demand technologies, while making it easier to get published, allow anyone to publish whether or not they have a good book.

For me, it all comes back to indy publishing. I can hire my own editors and printers and proceed as planned. If I get a significant audience, I can possibly attract a publisher. In the meantime, though, it looks like the message is “stay the course.”