Nadine Feldman, Author

celebrating strong female characters and whatever else strikes my fancy

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New Year Reflections

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When we first thought about moving to Port Townsend, we visited in November and December to see if we could handle the darkness. Not only are the days shorter than in Houston, but in this small town we have fewer electric lights. Even after nearly three years here, we are not jaded to the sight of a night sky with thick layers of stars.

I love the winter. As a writer, I am always fighting the distractions of life. This time of year, friends are out of town, the garden needs little work beyond pruning the fruit trees, and I can curl up on the sofa with a cup of hot tea and FOCUS. I am a hibernating bear here, enjoying the solitude and quiet. In the darkness, the nothingness, my world begins anew.

We are, of course, starting a new year. This is a natural time for reflection, to revisit dreams we set aside yet again, to hope, to start fresh. Of course we can do that on any given day, but there’s something special about making new commitments in the dark of winter.

My resolutions work better when they are fairly general. I plan to get healthier in 2015. This includes following a more seasonal diet, and to that end I’m taking Dr. John Douillard’s Three Season Diet Challenge. Dr. John bases his work on Ayurvedic principles, and the more I practice them, the better I feel.

I’m also taking Gaiam TV’s 21-Day Yoga Challenge. Gaiam TV requires a subscription, though they do have cheap starter deals for anyone who’s interested. Having practiced yoga for more than half of my life, my practice can sometimes get a bit stale. Taking the challenge exposes me to styles of yoga that are different from my usual routine, allowing me to mix things up a bit.

One of my big issues is giving my own hopes and dreams the time and energy they deserve. I intend to finish my second novel this year. What She Knew is coming along well, but I’m giving it more punch. To help me with that, I’m using the book Writing with Emotion, Tension, & Conflict by Cheryl St. John, and it’s providing me with some marvelous help. My goal is to get the book done, including multiple rounds of editing, by the end of the year. I also hope to blog more this year and to extend my reading audience.

From the darkness, hope rebounds. I reset, recalibrate, recommit.

What about you? Do you make resolutions? What is your vision for 2015?

 

One More Resolution: I’m Fessing Up

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This morning I made chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast. Yep, you read that right. And yet I have kept my New Year’s resolution to lose weight! I took an existing pancake recipe, substituted unsweetened applesauce for butter and a soy/quinoa flour mix for the white flour. I added a few scoops of protein powder, and tried chocolate low-fat soy milk in lieu of regular milk. I included a quarter cup of organic chocolate chips. Each pancake has about 67 calories, or two Weight Watchers points, and the protein/carb/fat ratio adds up pretty darn close to The Zone diet. Needless to say, I’m quite pleased with myself. Now, the test will be if the breakfast stays with me all morning, but it should with that combo.  I’m not a fan of syrup, so I eat them plain, and they’re tasty as is, but hubby added some pure maple syrup and pronounced that good, too. It’s just not as low-cal!

Speaking of those pesky resolutions, I have one more that I haven’t told anyone about. So far I’ve kept it, but I figure it’s a good idea to ‘fess up before I fall short. I have tried and failed before.

No, I’m not talking about my Diet Coke jones, though I probably should. That’s an ongoing on the wagon, off the wagon problem. Not good for a resolution — it’s an addiction that I struggle with quite a bit. But I digress.

I’m talking about my penchant for writing snarky comments on The Huffington Post.

I tempt myself every time I start reading what people have to say about various articles. One recent article, for example, was about how people weren’t going to the movies as much, and Hollywood was reporting a large drop in ticket sales. A few commenters announced that they didn’t go to movies anymore because they didn’t want to support the liberal Hollywood agenda.

I felt compelled to tell these people that if they went to the movies now and then, they wouldn’t be so cranky. That’ll teach ’em, right? I also believe that Al Quaeda wouldn’t need to blow up buildings if they’d let go of some of their sexual hang-ups. But they don’t care what I think, either.

Sometimes I would fall off the wagon by commenting on an article written by someone I know in the blogosphere. Just this once, I would tell myself, I will comment to support the person writing the article. Of course, one beer comment leads to another, and before I know it, I have pissed away time that I will never get back.

Truth is, I will never change anyone’s mind. No matter how brilliant my comeback, no conservative commenter will agree with what I have to say. I’m sure some of them feel the same frustration about me. So why do it?

Part of it is ego. If you comment enough, you get fans. And badges. Lots of bright, shiny objects in an ADD world. Hey, look at me, people like me, they really like me. We all have our Sally Field moments, after all!

The other part of it, I think, is frustration. I’m a Democrat living in Texas. Need I say more? Well, no, but I will anyway. I worked in the energy field for many years. I had to learn to keep my mouth shut — a lot — especially when it came time for the company to solicit PAC money. We’re nonpartisan, they said, we just support candidates that will represent our business interests. I smiled, nodded my head, and held on to my pocketbook. All I had to do was look at the “nonpartisan” candidate list, nearly all Republican.

So now I’ve had my therapy on The Huffington Post, with months of trading insults with those whose beliefs don’t match mine.  It feels good. It’s just not good for me. It’s time to move on.

This is not to say I haven’t learned anything along the way. Some commenters make sincere arguments that educate me. I am guessing that if we sat down together with open minds, we would find that we have more in common than we think. We would find that each side has valid points worth looking at.

Unfortunately, this is not how our world works these days. We can’t disagree without being insulting. I’ve tried to stay above the fray. I even went to the Rally to Restore Sanity. But I get sucked in, over and over again, into arguments that have no end. Some of these folks even earn income by writing comments that rile people up.

And oh, by the way, I’ve also figured out that some of the articles themselves are set up to appeal to our base emotions. I read about some proposed legislation that hasn’t passed and most likely never will, but the author writes as though it’s already happened. Cue the indignant comments and shouting on both sides, even though it’s totally unnecessary. Is that how I want to spend my time? I don’t think so.

I suspect that as this election year progresses, I’ll have a thing or two to say here on the blog about things. I may get some snarky comments as karma for my past misdeeds. I’ll do my best not to be snarky back. In the words of yoga teacher Beryl Bender Birch, “I will save my breath to cool my porridge.” I hope.

Anyone out there get sucked in like I have to HuffPo or some other time-waster? I’d love to not feel like the only one! 🙂

The War of Art: Winning the Inner Creative Battle by Steven Pressfield

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First, I must apologize to the blogger who brought this book to my attention. I read a number of blogs and did not note where this recommendation came from. If you’re out there and happen to read this, let me know and I will give you proper acknowledgement. In the immortal words of Texas Governor and Presidential wannabe Rick Perry, “Oops.”

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With this blog, I hope to encourage women, especially those of us who are 50+, to go for our dreams. For me, that means writing my books, but yours may be different. When I share information, even if it’s aimed at writers, I think it may work for a broader spectrum of people. I think that The War of Art by Steven Pressfield is one of those books. It even seems natural, after writing last week about my current weight loss journey, to discuss The War of Art next…yes, I think it can help with weight loss, too.

Let’s face it. Regardless of our dream or vision for our lives, we will have challenges. We get on the scale and see a plateau. We work hard on a book and struggle to find a publisher or, if we self-publish, struggle to find readers. My late mother-in-law Jenny, a fine artist, gave up on trying to display her work and ended up making it only for herself.

Steven Pressfield also had his share of disappointments and even disasters as a writer. A film he made with great pride and excitement bombed. He was left in the lobby of an agent who had sent him out to wait, then forgot about him…and that happened when he was in his 40s, after years of having manuscripts go nowhere.

Yet this author of The Legend of Bagger Vance and other novels persevered. Not only did he succeed, but in The War of Art he tells us wannabes how to persevere as well.

The first phase of the book talks about Resistance. Often, when we are working toward a goal, we will find ourselves struggling to meet it. We get busy doing other things. We run out of money. We decide that our work sucks and we shouldn’t bother. Pressfield would argue that whenever we find ourselves straying from that goal, we are encountering our Resistance. Often that resistance gets stronger as we get closer to our goal.

Think of it, ladies. For those of you who have given birth, isn’t there a moment toward the end, just before that beautiful child comes into the world, where you say to yourself something like, “I can’t do this!”? It happened for me as my daughter was starting to move into the birth canal. I announced that I couldn’t give birth, and I was ready right then for the C-section. She came out a few minutes later. Though this metaphor is mine, I think the ultimate creative process — birth — carries within it these elements of resistance that Pressfield writes about.

Writing about weight loss last week, I mentioned my fear of success. Someone asked me recently, “Why do we do that?” What a great question! Pressfield discusses the fear of success at length in his book, a culprit for many a creative person. I cringe at the ways I’ve sabotaged success over the years — sending out queries with typos, not following up on leads, not accepting help that was offered.

So what’s the answer to the question of “Why do we do that?” I have no idea. If we want to handle our resistance and fear, though, what if we tweaked the question? Let’s switch the “why” to “how,” and we may be on to something.

“How do we do that?” We stop writing. We eat the whole darn pie and give up on our diets. We fill our lives with food/drink/sex/work and all other manner of methods to avoid doing what our souls would have us do. Then we can move on to, “How do we NOT do that?” This is what Pressfield’s second section is about.

The second section is a blueprint for professionalism. For a writer who deals with periodic discouragement such as myself, it means getting butt in chair and writing, even if we think it sucks, and especially if we think it sucks. If we’re going back to school, signing up for the next semester can give us a moment of peace. If we want to lose weight, then taking a walk or preparing a lovely but healthful meal helps us stay on track. We listen to our fears, our pain, and our desire for self-sabotage, but we make a decision to do the opposite. In other words, we, in the words of Dr. Phil, behave our way to success. When we do the work that our soul needs, we feel nourished inside. Easy? Hell, no. But I think of a song by Tim McGraw in which he sings, “Temptations may come, that ain’t no sin. You get stronger every time that you don’t give in.”

In part three, Pressfield gets more spiritual. He points out the mysterious thing that happens when we do what our soul longs for. Something happens. The story we struggle with starts to open up and characters start telling US what they’re going to do. After several weeks of a plateau, our body’s metabolism suddenly kicks into gear and we start losing weight. We want to sign up for that conference that we can’t afford, and we end up getting a scholarship or benefactor to help us pay for it.  Our wishful thinking alone doesn’t bring about change, but our longing combined with action creates opportunities.

I read The War of Art during a time of deep self-doubt. As I’ve worked on Blood and Loam, a novel that pushes every button I have inside of me, I wanted to quit. Pressfield reminded me that it’s just my resistance, and the more powerful the resistance, the more I need to finish. Oh, yeah, that again! So I sat down and went back to work…and I will finish the novel. If I need a little help, I’ll just go read The War of Art one more time.

The Trouble With Resolutions

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One of the fun things about blogging is that I’m always meeting new people in the blogosphere. This is especially important this week, because I’m writing about weight loss…but as you know if you read my work regularly, I have a lot on my mind about many subjects, so I’ll be leaving this topic after today. For ongoing support, take a look at Inspired Weight Loss, which is providing a great service to the online community. Go visit Patsy and friends, and you won’t be sorry.

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The trouble with resolutions is keeping them. I started my weight loss resolution in December because I didn’t want to put on yet another pound over the holidays. So far, so good. However, here are the facts: I am basically where I was this time last year, within less than a pound. I started 2011 with the same good intentions, and it fell apart.

One of my guilty pleasures is watching The Biggest Loser. Even though I have never had a lot of weight to lose, I do know that my personal issues have often kept me from living to my highest potential. As I watch the contestants work through their fears and unresolved pain, I see hope for myself. It also inspires me to keep working out when I don’t feel like it! Anyway, this season they are focusing on “no excuses,” so I thought I would confess mine (you may relate!), along with strategies for overcoming those excuses.

  1. I have too much going on — There’s never a good time to lose weight. Life is always happening! I think the key is to see healthful eating and exercising as necessary fuel to get through the stressors that come at us at all times.
  2. I have perimenopausal mood swings — At 53, I’m getting damned sick of this one. I am STILL having periods, though they are at least getting more erratic. With them come tears for no reason, dark moods, and irritability. During these times, the last thing I want to do is have a salad. Bring on the cake! To counter this one, I meditate more, take my Omega 3 supplements, and nourish my system with herbal infusions. I write down whatever is upsetting or confusing. I let myself have a good cry. And yes, I have some chocolate — but in small amounts, and only the dark kind. It really satisfies my cravings without blowing the diet.
  3. I hit plateaus — It’s harder to lose weight than it used to be, so I get discouraged easily. Last year I got sick of trying. It seemed as though it didn’t matter whether I ate like crazy or didn’t, my weight was about the same. I’m hoping that by tweaking my fitness regimen and measuring my food, I’ll be able to break through plateaus this year. I’m also willing to go to Weight Watchers meetings if need be to get support and help.
  4. It’s hard to lose weight when traveling — I covered most of my nutritional strategies a few days ago, so I won’t repeat them here. I have gotten much better. Sometimes I still get fooled and order something less healthy than it looked on the menu, but I’m doing my best, and that’s what matters. As they say in 12-Step programs, “progress, not perfection.”
  5. All or nothing — It’s easy to give up when I have had a “slip” and eaten too much. It’s important to take things one day at a time. If I fall, I can forgive myself, and get up the next day and begin again.
  6. Fear of success — And this, folks, is the winner. Every time I have come close to my goal weight, I’ve been scared about just how darn good I look. I have a lot of thoughts about this subject…so I’ll revisit this one soon in more detail.

What about you? What are or have been your excuses? How do you counter them?

Weight Loss Exercise Strategies

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For those of us who are 50+, our fitness levels are as different as snowflakes. Some of us are strong and healthy, while others have mobility challenges and joint problems. As you read this post, please remember to take precious care of yourselves and see a doctor before beginning any new activities.

When we pass age 40, and even more at age 50, our bodies start to lose muscle mass. This makes weight loss more challenging as our metabolism slows. Any exercise program at our age must include a certain amount of strength training to rebuild muscle mass and thus increase our metabolism.

Also, after suffering from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome from 1996-2001 (with occasional flare-ups for a few years after that), I have learned something interesting about my body. It is essential that when doing cardio, I don’t allow my heart rate to go above that magical 80% of maximum. If I do so, even after all these years of feeling great, I have a flare-up. If I stay within my guidelines and use a heart monitor, no problem. This may be useful advice for you, too, even if you are healthy!

My current physical condition is good, as evidenced by my ability to hike for up to eight hours a day up Swiss mountainsides. The good news is that I’m strong. The question is, then, what do I need in my daily routine in order to lose weight?

My favorite forms of exercise are walking and yoga, both of which have a strong mind-body component to them. I will keep them both around because of the mental health benefits, even though both are great as physical activities. If you’re new to exercise, start with walking, which doesn’t cost any money and is unlikely to cause injury. If you want to try yoga but are 50+ and inflexible, start with a gentle class. I was chatting with a technician recently at the medical clinic who told me she was doing the video Yoga For The Rest of Us. She does her poses in a chair because she can’t yet get on the floor. I think that’s a fantastic place to begin, especially if you have mobility issues.

For me, though, to lose weight I have to do a little more. First, I started to intensify my aerobic activity. My favorite aerobic videos are by Ellen Barrett, who combines pilates, yoga, and calesthenics with aerobic dance to create a fun mind-body workout that feels easier than it actually is. Although Ellen isn’t 50+ and doesn’t market specifically to the 50+ crowd, I would recommend them highly as a safe workout if you’re in good health. I own (almost) every video she’s done since. She’s an absolute treasure!

By the way, if you have an iPad, you can download the FitnessClass app and watch Ellen’s videos there. I take her with me when we travel. At home, we have Apple TV, so I can open the video in the iPad and then send the video to our TV. We’re geeky in our household, what can I say?

To improve strength, try out Eight Weeks to a Younger Body by Joan Pagano. In this book, you create a customized workout of cardio, stretch, and strength. My only caution here is to check with your doctor, especially if you have knee problems, before combining a stepper with weights. You will need some equipment for these workouts, but do the tests before buying anything.

How often to work out? Currently I do cardio 5-6 times per week at about 45 minutes per session. I exercise in the morning after my breakfast digests. Some recommend exercising before breakfast, but that doesn’t work for me — so find what’s right for you. When I had a corporate job, I exercised on my lunch hour or in the evening.

My strength training combines cardio with it, so that’s included in the cardio frequency. I do strength training 2-3 times per week. I do yoga in the afternoons after I’m done with my work, and it allows me to transition from the workday.

Your workouts may vary. If you’re not exercising, I encourage you to begin. The dividends will pay off in better sleep, improved mood, and weight loss.

Okay, so I’ve given you my eating and exercise plan. The only thing left to do is talk about…sabotage. More about that tomorrow!

Where’s My Dinner?

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A lot of us start the new year with an intention to lose weight. For most of us, that resolution will disappear by the end of January or shortly thereafter. I’m no exception. The last time I hit my ideal weight was in 2006, and that lasted for about five minutes. Then the kids had their birthday (twins, May 18), Hebrew school graduation, and high school graduation, all within a few weeks. A move followed, and before I knew it, I had gained everything back. This is a tough pill to swallow for someone who never had to watch what I ate when I was young.

I don’t have a lot of weight to lose — 10-12 pounds. Being petite, though, a few pounds make a big difference. Plus, the family genetics do not tolerate extra weight well, so I have to keep a close eye on cholesterol and triglycerides. While some in my family need medication even at a healthy weight, I seem to be able to manage my numbers via the scale.

And I would be lying if I said I didn’t want my pants to fit better! I’m one of those “apple” shapes, so extra weight hits me square in the belly and waist. Things are a bit snug these days, and I’m too cheap to buy bigger pants.

It would be easy for me to say, “Well, I’m over 50, and I have a thyroid disease, so it’s hard to lose weight.” That would be true. At 50+, I am losing muscle mass, which affects metabolism. While I take medication to regulate the thyroid, it’s tricky to get the right balance.

But…

My big culprit is our travel. Even though our vacations are active, with plenty of hiking, biking, and more, we make up for it in the restaurants. Bread! Dessert! Wine! Oh, yeah, the entrees, too! We hope that with our upcoming move to Washington state, we can enjoy outdoor activities without having to leave home (and home cooking).

I started employing my 2012 weight loss strategies in December and lost 2.6 pounds in three weeks during the holiday season, so I think I’m on to something. I’ll write about exercise tomorrow, but here are my food strategies:

  1. First, I had a check-up. I am waiting on the results, but my doctor thinks we may need to adjust my thyroid medicine. Low thyroid is common among women of my age, so it’s worth checking out.
  2. I have returned to the tried and true Weight Watchers program. Some time ago they instituted a new program that didn’t work for me, but they’ve made some adjustments for 2012 that make sense. I do Weight Watchers online, but if I’m having trouble losing weight, I have promised myself that I will go to meetings.
  3. My goal is to lose about a pound a week. Gradual weight loss tends to work better for most people. In my case, that seems to be about the most I can lose anyway — but I am going to allow myself all the time I need.
  4. Helpful, though not required, is that hubby is on board, too. He lost 60 pounds several years ago before I met him, and he has to be diligent about keeping weight off. Having a buddy in cahoots with me makes a big difference.
  5. I’ve ordered a food scale! When I recently started measuring portions with cup measures, I would look at my plate and say, “Where’s my dinner?” Apparently what I think is a cup of spaghetti is more like…three. Funny thing is, the measured portions are always plenty! The problem is, some of the serving sizes are listed in grams, leaving me clueless, so the scale should help keep me honest.
  6. When I go out, I check menus ahead of time to create a plan. My sister-in-law prepared her annual Hanukkah dinner, complete with yummy latkes (potato pancakes). Because I knew ahead of time what was being served, I planned my choices and portion sizes in advance. Turns out that one latke is enough (I normally can eat three or four).
  7. If I’m unsure of the “point” count of a meal in a restaurant, rest assured I can usually cut my portion in half (or more) and bring the rest home. As soon as I get the food, I divide it. I’ve gotten two meals out of my New Year’s Eve dinner, and still have some left over.
  8. Speaking of New Year’s Eve, we avoided the fixed price multi-course special meal and instead ate earlier, when we could order the restaurant’s usual delicious fare. I checked the menu online ahead of time and walked in the door knowing what I would eat.
  9. I load up on fruits and veggies, which I love. None of this 3-5 servings per day for this girl! I usually go for double.
  10. I will not deprive myself. I simply cannot do diets that restrict my food choices. I served a chocolate cake at a family gathering on New Year’s Day, and yes, I had a small piece. I also had a glass of Chateneuf de Pape, which went well with my spaghetti and meat sauce, I might add. Weight Watchers allows for “discretionary points” so I don’t have to avoid the occasional treat.
  11. We make our meals as attractive as possible, with lots of color. I buy as much as possible from farmers’ markets, with herbs  from my garden (I have lots of greens growing nicely, too, as I write this). We believe that eating well should be pleasurable and fun, with fresh ingredients and delicious scents filling the home.
  12. Each week I have foods high in Omega 3 fatty acids, often in the form of wild Salmon. I also take an Omega 3 supplement and have flax oil in my morning smoothie.
  13. I power up my foods with herbs and spices that can have medicinal benefits as well as making foods more tasty. For example, my morning smoothie includes cinnamon that may regulate blood sugar; nettle for detox and extra nourishment; and turmeric for brain power. And, I hear that cayenne can rev up metabolism as well. At the very least, my food smells and tastes great!

Tomorrow I’ll write about exercise; Thursday I’ll talk about the ways I sabotage myself along with ideas on how I hope to end the sabotage this time.

Do you have any tips to share? Let me know!