Nadine Feldman, Author

celebrating strong female characters and whatever else strikes my fancy

mental health

Cacao and Creativity

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When we first moved to our little town in the Hudson Valley of New York State a few years ago, I hooked up with a women’s group where we danced, shared, and drank ceremonial cacao. I’d never tried the stuff before, but I loved it as well as the ceremony that went along with it.

Of course, then the pandemic happened, and group events were canceled. A few months ago I decided I could do my own ritual and have been doing it twice a week ever since. I find my little ceremony to be calming and uplifting, a way to slow down, ponder, and re-center. This helps me be more productive in the rest of my week, so I see it as an investment of time.

Ceremonial cacao is a drink made from cacao that hasn’t had the butter removed. The cacao has been lightly toasted and fermented, so it’s less processed than cocoa. There are numerous health benefits attributed to ceremonial cacao, but I don’t know how much its properties have actually been researched. I’ll just say that I feel great after I drink it. I purchase mine from Soul Lift Cacao, though there are several great sources.

Unlike, say, a cup of hot chocolate, ceremonial cacao has little to no sweetener. I put a small amount of honey in mine after the cacao cools a bit (raw honey is never meant to be cooked), but I’m moving gradually toward no sweetener. The flavor is bold because of the amount of cacao used.

Here’s how I do my personal cacao ceremony:

  1. Before chopping the cacao, I take a good, long sniff of it. It helps set the tone for my brain that the ceremony is coming.
  2. I gather my materials, including good, filtered water, spices such as cinnamon, vanilla, and a pinch of chili powder, and a special cup and saucer that’s fancier than my everyday teacups.
  3. I chop the cacao into small pieces so it melts more easily. I use 1/4 cup, but if you’re starting out, start with less. Too much too soon can cause the body to rebel.
  4. I heat the cacao with some of the water in a double boiler, heating it gradually and adding the spices.
  5. Once it’s heated, I take it off of the stove, let it cool for a few minutes, then add the honey.
  6. I then pour myself a cup and go to a quiet space with my planner.
  7. For planning, I use the Dreambook Planner by Dragontree. It works great with the spirit of cacao! You may have your own favorite, but the Dreambook Planner helps me set goals and intentions, but also acknowledge gratitude and self-care.
  8. Once I’ve settled in, I say a prayer of thanks for everyone who grows, processes, and ships the cacao to me. I also ask for guidance from angels, guides, and the Fair Folk.
  9. I review my week to see what I’ve accomplished, what I learned, what stressed me, etc. I also look at my monthly and quarterly goals to see how I’m doing.
  10. Next, I use this information to think about the coming week.
  11. While I’m doing these reviews, I take small sips of the cacao after each section to let it in. I think one of the biggest benefits is the process of slowing myself down.
  12. Once I’m finished, I give a prayer of thanks again and close the ceremony with a sip of cacao.

Since I’ve been doing this, I find myself more creative, more disciplined, and less scattered. If you feel so inclined, give it a try!

Meeting the Shadow

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Normally I wouldn’t discuss a writing class in this blog, but the one I’m taking is more about inner growth work than writing, so I thought I would share! This class, Shadow Writing, is taught by Gloria Kempton, whom I met at a recent writers’ conference. I loved Gloria’s warmth and honesty, and something inside me whispered, “You can trust this teacher.”

For those not familiar with the concept of the “shadow,” it’s the part of ourselves that we keep hidden. We bury it under social masks, and the more we deny that part of ourselves, the more it wreaks havoc with our lives. For writers, denying the shadow self makes for weak and uninspired characters, because as writing brings us closer to our shadow, often we start making excuses for not finishing our work.

I signed up for the course because I have a villain in one of my novels whose head I’ve never quite been able to get into. I’ve also felt that my writing of late has been bland and boring, and I’ve lost some motivation to write — and yet, I know that when I am writing, I am a happier person.

In the past few weeks, I’ve gotten better acquainted with this character. I’ve poked into his childhood to try to understand why he is so cruel and sadistic. I’ve poked into my brain to uncover why I’m so unwilling to let him express himself fully. As a result, I’ve bumped into my shadow on several occasions already. Good thing my teacher feels so safe to me, because I’ve shed many tears in the past few weeks as I get to know this side of myself.

Through my studies, I am encountering the way I envy others who have been more successful at writing. I’ve also uncovered a great deal of ambition that I had pushed aside. No wonder I’m so darn tired all the time! So yes, I am admitting that I would like to sell some books…maybe even a lot of them. No more apologizing for wanting that!

Already I’m spending more consistent and focused time on the novel I’ve been working on, and in December I should be able to dust off the old novel with my problematic villain to try, yet again. The more I embrace my shadow, the more I am at peace.

Do you have any buried longings or dreams?

It’s Blog Recommendation Day!

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In a few minutes I go pick up hubby, who flew in to Seattle last night and has made the journey by train, ferry, and bus to get back to town. One adjustment in our new lifestyle is that we are no longer less than a half hour from the airport, but he’s excited about mass transit — especially the ferries, which are a relaxing way to travel.

Some weeks it’s hard to find a blog to recommend. Others reach out and grab me from the get-go, and Bringing Along OCD is one of them. Blogger Tina Barbour, who has had OCD, anxiety, and depression since childhood, reflects on her journey with love, compassion, and grace. While I do not have OCD, I have written frequently here about anxiety, and I often find myself nodding my head when reading one of her posts. Sometimes I feel as though she’s reading my mind!

These days, we’re either more anxious or more willing to talk about it — or both. While professional help is necessary for healing, if you or a loved one have any of these conditions, it’s helpful to know you’re not alone.

Have a great weekend! “See” you here next week.