relaxation

Sitting…Listening

September 12, 2013 by admin

I took my knitting and went outside, where I found a shady spot on the wall at the bottom of a slope. My purpose? To sit and observe. I would knit a row, then look around, watching the patterns of the sun. I studied where rain water drains into an easement. I enjoyed the view of the tree, where deer often rest when they need relief from the heat.

I am starting to learn about permaculture. At its micro level, permaculture is a design method that utilizes strategies to get Nature to do much of the gardening work. By enriching soil, guiding water, and combining a variety of plants, garden yields can increase while workload decreases.

One of the first principles of permaculture is to observe. As we spend time in our yards, we learn little details about them that will help us later. No planning, no judging, no ideas, just listening. There will be time for action and planning later in the process.

At the same time, I am entering into the deep woods of menopause, waking more at night with hot flashes and night sweats. While I take herbs to help provide relief, this is a time of withdrawing and observing. I am told that when I get to the other side of the turmoil, I can then figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life. For now, though, I need stillness and solitude and rest. It’s been one reason that my blog has been so hit and miss. While I like engaging with my readers, I am going through a powerful transformation and have to let go of what I think I “should” be doing.

Yesterday, after a relaxed morning, a loved one needed my emotional support. Because I wasn’t exhausted, I could be fully present and helpful. Last night, before bed, hubby and I lay a blanket out on the deck so we could watch the stars. It was a perfect night, with the Milky Way revealing itself more and more with each minute we were away from the artificial light. In the Not Doing, we could marvel at the miracles of the universe that are everywhere…something we need to do more and more in these troubled times.

I know that as one delves into permaculture more deeply, there are larger implications for our communities and our world. Already, I have learned enough to blow my mind about the solutions to food and climate issues that already exist. For right now, though, as I say goodbye to the young woman I was and embrace the beginning of my crone-ness, I am content to observe my own land and let it speak to me. My garden and I will grow in our own time and in our own way.

Spa on a Budget: Creating Your Own Retreat

November 30, 2012 by admin

All week I’ve written about my spa adventure. Not everyone can afford it (I couldn’t for many years), and I can’t always get away for several days. Yet taking care of ourselves is a gift not only for ourselves, but for those we love. As they say, “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!”

The good news is that we can do a lot for ourselves at home for little or no money! Some of the activities that I suggest below may sound obvious, but often it’s the obvious that disappears from our brains when we’re stressed.

The suggestions that follow can be done on their own if you just have a few minutes, or you can set up a daylong or multi-day retreat, depending on available time. If you have children at home, maybe arrange an exchange with a friend — you watch their kids while she retreats, and vice versa. Pick a few items off the “menu” below, or use them to inspire your own ideas.

So let the dust bunnies collect. Let the rest of the family fend for themselves. Take a deep breath, and enjoy!

The Spa Food Experience

If you’re taking time to relax, you’re not going to want to do a lot of cooking, and you’ll most likely want to eat light, healthful meals. Gather your food items together before you start the retreat!

Fresh Fruit
Cut up veggies
Whole grain crackers
Soups
Light sandwiches
Tea
Dark chocolate
Wine (why not?)

For some lovely spa recipes and home spa ideas, take a look at Asian Secrets for Health, Beauty, and Relaxation by Sophie Benge.

Body Care & Relaxation

When our bodies are tense, we can’t think clearly. The first step is to relax!

Start with a hot bath — We women also may spend our time caring for others and forget this simple but effective tool for relaxation. Add essential oils, bubble bath, or Epsom salts to create a luxurious soak.
Stretch — When I taught yoga, several students said, “I used to do these poses when I was a kid. I just didn’t know it was yoga.” You can certainly take a yoga class if you want and can afford it, but feel free to put on some music and let your body move the way it wants to. Imagine yourself as a cat, making slow, languid movements.
Walk — Walking is, by far, the best mental health support I can give myself. Yes, you read that right! I love yoga, but walking gives me even more mental clarity. When I’m writing intensely, I take periodic walking breaks throughout the day. If you’re feeling really tired and just want to chill on the sofa, try a short walk instead. You’ll be surprised how refreshed you can feel.
Massage — For free, exchange massage with a friend or lover. Even if you’re alone, you can massage your hands, feet, arms, and legs easily. If you have a few bucks, try out a student at a massage school. While a student lacks experience, he or she really wants to do a good job, and I’ve had some fine massages from students.
Want to get into scrubs or facials? You can make your own! Organic Body Care Recipes: 175 Homemade Herbal Formulas for Glowing Skin and a Vibrant Self by Stephanie Tourles provides many recipes that are easy to make. I make my own skin cleanser, moisturizer and hair conditioner from this book, and there are lots of goodies to try! Have some girlfriends over and have a facial party!

Mind and Spirit Care

When the body relaxes, the mind can follow more easily. Try these methods to calm and soothe the nerves.

Environment — Think about what physical items cheer you. Fresh flowers? Candles? Soft music? A cup of hot tea served in a pretty cup? Even if your retreat space is just a corner of one room, make it beautiful. Clear the clutter and enjoy.
Nature — This goes along with environment, but often a visit outdoors, to a park, a waterfront, or just a grove of trees brings on a relaxation response.
Meditate — I can hear some of you groaning. I can’t tell you how many people have told me, “I can’t meditate!” Of course you can…you just need to know the secret of good meditation. It’s showing up! Yes, you will have thoughts. Don’t worry about them. Just focus on the breath and let the thoughts be. Let them float by like clouds. There are many good recordings if you want guided meditations to help you. Even if we just have five minutes, it’s five minutes we seldom take for ourselves.
Journal — Keep a journal during your retreat. Jot down thoughts and ideas as they come to you. If you’re going through struggles, write about them. Don’t worry about the quality of the writing. If your thoughts are petty, that’s fine, too. You’ll feel better when you get them on the page.
If you are religious, take some prayer time. Take out your rosary, your mala beads, your prayer shawl, or whatever helps you get in the mood for that Higher Power connection. Let yourself be supported in spirit, and let your burdens be lifted from you.

As we jump into this holiday season, I hope you’ll take some time to nurture yourself. You’re worth it! See you next week!

At the Spa, Part II: Direction of the Heart

November 28, 2012 by admin

As I continue to explore and share my week at the spa, I recognize that many people do not have the time or money to enjoy such a retreat. For many years I was one of those people, and I’ve never forgotten my many years of financial struggle. This week, for Friday Fun, I’ll share some of the ways I found to enjoy spa treatments and mini-breaks at home or for little money.

***

The Italians have a phrase: Il dolce far niente, or, the sweetness of doing nothing. For a former Midwesterner with a strong, Puritan work ethic, that phrase doesn’t bring a smile to my lips. Instead, it brings terror to the heart.

I am exactly where I want to be.

Over the years, I have learned that I get more done not from pushing and striving, but from relaxing and reflecting. Yes, work has to be done, but the more I nurture myself, the less it feels like work, and it becomes like the play of childhood. In my second full day at the spa, I am opening to nothingness. I have no appointments, no one to see and nothing to do. Yet my brain is humming in the background, processing my intentions for being here.

I seldom use the word “intention.” I prefer the lovely Hebrew word, kavanah, or “direction of the heart.” While I don’t want to turn this retreat into another job (something I’m good at doing), I took some time Monday afternoon to define my kavanah. What is the direction of my heart? Where is it leading me now? When I am feeling confused, anxious, and/or depressed, it often means that I have strayed from that direction. As I spend time in solitude, I can stop, breathe, and make a course correction.

I made notes, starting with my feelings: confusion about general life direction, anxiety, desire to withdraw, sense of failure, etc. The gist of it is that I’m about to have a birthday, and my desire to leave a legacy gains increased urgency with each new year. As a writer, that means books — or does it? Right now, it’s all on the table, though I am open to letting the writing take a different form, or changing my approach to writing and marketing. Am I forging a new path, or do I just need to clear the brush from the one I’m already on?

To answer those questions, I wrote a loose plan for the next few days to create a retreat environment. I scheduled spa treatments on my first full day here in order to release body tension as quickly as possible. This will help me think more clearly and make decisions. In addition, I plan to read, knit, swim, wander the grounds, and write my impressions. I also reminded myself that I have subscribed to Julia Cameron Live, so I can access Artist’s Way exercises — which never fail to unblock me.

Finally, I wrote answers to the question, “What do I want?” I want clarity of purpose, return of motivation, emotional strength to deal with my current challenges, and an action plan for when I return home. It doesn’t have to be a long plan, just a few next steps.

With intentions defined, my focus for the next few days will include working with them, and working with the blocks and fears that have gotten in the way. I’ll be using my new “Feed Your Demons” meditation technique to do that.

In the meantime, I’m also enjoying room service with fabulous food and tasty wine!

Off to the Spa!

November 27, 2012 by admin

One of the views out my balcony

The “Garden View”

Maybe it’s the birthday that’s coming up. It’s not a milestone birthday, just your run-of-the-mill ordinary ones, and yet it’s bothering me A LOT.

Maybe it’s that I have finally gone into the menopausal transition, with a little help from some minor surgery last summer to correct a female problem. Maybe it’s that I am still adjusting to a new life in a new culture and climate. Or maybe it’s a certain problem that I can’t write about because I live in a small town, and every now and then a local reads my blog. 99% of my life in my new home is wonderful, but the other 1% has caused a great deal of pain.

Whatever the case, I am worn down. I’ve struggled with my writing, leaving my latest heroine unemployed, in the midst of a Madoff-like scandal, and between relationships. She’s annoyed with me for abandoning her in her hour of need, but I’ve struggled with my focus. Blood & Loam also sits out there, waiting for me to go over it one more time…the novel that will not let go, and yet will not find its way to the finish line. Of course, there’s also the clumsy attempts to find an audience. I’m working on that, but marketing remains the weakest link in my skill set.

Hubby recognized, even before I did, that I need to get out of paradise now and then. I don’t like leaving my exquisite views, my downstairs fireplace, or the wonderful restaurants within walking distance. I don’t like leaving a place where I can walk downtown and easily run into a half dozen people I know, all with ready smiles.

And yet, I need to go.

Separating myself from the familiar, and from the endless tasks and chores that surround me, I can reset my brain. In solitude, I can build up my reserves. I can dream again.

Enter the Alderbrook Resort & Spa in Union, Washington, a stress-free couple of hours from home. I arrived hours before the formal check-in time, thinking (correctly) that I could check in early. My room overlooks a garden, with views of the water and the Olympic Mountains off to my right. Tomorrow I am spending a good part of the day at the spa getting a wrap, a massage, and a facial. They have a heated indoor pool, and I intend to order lots of room service.

Normal people might take the week off from blogging, but I suspect I will have a lot that I want to share this week as my retreat unfolds. I don’t know exactly what to expect from this week. Maybe nothing will happen, other than I get some needed rest. Or maybe I will find some miracles here. Nothing to do but wait and see — and hope.