Nadine Galinsky Feldman

Thursday Blog Recommendation: National Association of Baby Boomer Women (NABBW)

August 18, 2011 by admin

Good morning, everyone!

I love Thursdays, because I get to share other websites that both inform and entertain, providing you, the reader, with much more content than I could provide alone. In recent weeks as I have revamped this blog, I have found genuine pleasure in finding resources to share. We Boomer women are forming a remarkable presence on the World Wide Web, with plenty of thoughtful insights and fine writing.

Today’s website is a real goodie! It’s the National Association of Baby Boomer Women. Here you’ll find a gathering place for articles of interest on women’s health, finances, humor, and more. the NABBW provides a staggering amount of information in an accessible format.

If you want to join the NABBW, you will pay $75, though there are ways to get discounts on that fee. However, I am currently at the “free” membership level, which allows me access to a wide range of information. So, you’ll have an opportunity to check it out before forking over any money.

Enjoy! I’ll be back Monday with more news and musings.

Wednesday Feature: Spiritual Archeology–Uncovering Our Identities

August 17, 2011 by admin

At this point in August, the nests are starting to empty as college students go off to school. Vacations are winding down. So now what? With the house quieter, our thoughts can turn to our own lives. Who are we outside of the role of parent? We may not even know the answer to that question, or even know where to begin to find the answer. Yet now is our time to discover ourselves.

This last year we returned to Rome, where ancient ruins coexist with roads, museums, and restaurants, the chaos of modern life. Turn a corner in Rome, and history rises up, sometimes unexpectedly, offering some treasure of an ancient and magnificent civilization. This time, having already seen many major sites on a previous trip, we went to the Domus Romane. Beneath the Palazzo Valentini, built in the 16th century and now home to governmental offices are the ruins of a home from the 2nd or 3rd century. We toured the museum on glass walkways that allowed us to peer into the past and into the former glory of the property, complete with mosaics in marvelous condition.

Our lives may look much like that. On the surface we have our jobs, our homes, our “stuff,” and it may all look pretty good. We just sometimes forget that we have deeper levels just waiting for excavation. Once we dig a little deeper, we may get very excited about what we find–and at midlife, we may feel the need, the urgency, to do so.

As someone who always planned to write a book “some day,” I struggled with how to get started. I had no ideas. I just knew I wanted to write. In the summer of 1997 I discovered Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way and started to work the program she provides. Within three weeks I wrote my first short story, and I haven’t looked back. I have published one book, edited two others, and am completing two novels that I plan to e-publish. I have other novels in various stages of development, just waiting for me to get to them.

Not only did I connect with my writing life, but I also learned to quilt, played with photos, videos, and audio recordings, went back to school, took yoga teacher training, and started a garden, just to name a few. My husband and I travel as much as possible in our hunger to see the world. In short, I unearthed a wild cacophony of creativity that continues to insist on bursting forth. Even at 52, I am still making new discoveries. I recently, for example, became curious about medicinal herbs and am starting to learn more about them.

What dreams live inside of you that have gone unlived? Yes, parenting is noble, as is grandparenting. We all have a desire to make a difference in our families, and perhaps even the world, by giving. But what makes you tick? What matters to you as a person? What longings live inside that demand expressing? Further, once you’ve identified those longings, what do you do?

If you have had a secret desire to change careers, what would it take to do so? Even taking a class or two at night or online can help you move toward developing new skills. If your nest still isn’t empty, you can study alongside your children still at home, and they can watch you do your work, providing an invaluable example for them to follow. I grew up with parents who were readers, and as I observed them in the evenings, noses burrowed into books, I gained value from their example.

Whatever it is, you’re not too old. You may not make the Olympic team, but what about the Senior Olympics? Or, you may want to try your hand at a half marathon or lengthy charity bike rides. You may not build a major corporation, but do you have a small business idea worth exploring? Is it time to take that drawing class?

Maybe you have dreams but need to clear some financial dead wood first. What resources can you find, such as books by Suze Orman or Jerrold Mundis, to help you? What about Debtors’ Anonymous? Having lived through and overcome some financial nightmares, I know that financial problems can be solved, and sometimes more quickly than we might think.

This week, make a commitment to do something for yourself and your dream. It can be a baby step. Some people who start writing, start with a paragraph a day, and that can be enough to create a small spark of satisfaction and fulfillment that opens up a new world for you. What is your dream? How can you get there? Unsure? Let me hear from you.

Book Discovery Tuesday — New Menopausal Years: The Wise Woman Way by Susun Weed

August 16, 2011 by admin

My late mother-in-law used to tell me, “Just wait until you’re finished with menopause! You are going to feel so liberated!” At 52, I’m still waiting for that time! Despite my best intentions to keep a good attitude, I’m not totally excited about entering what feels like a second puberty. Just as when I was twelve or so, the clothes don’t fit right, and I grapple with overwhelm, anxiety, depression, and irritability. The other women in my family have had hysterectomies, so I have no one to give me a clue as to how much longer this will go on.

Still, I am nothing if not stubborn and determined. I’ve examined and re-examined my diet. I’ve adjusted my exercise regimen. I am religious about getting sleep. I manage my stress with regular massages and a dedicated yoga practice. Recently, though, in my continuing attempt to find inner peace in the midst of menopause, I turned to herbal remedies. One day I discovered an article on www.herbmentor.com by Susun Weed, an herbalist with a national reputation.

With quiet confidence, Susun calmed my fears and soothed my angst. She told me the same thing my mother-in-law once did, assuring me that I would feel better. She comforted me by validating my experience and not trying to “make it wrong.” I don’t know about you, but I’ve met women who come through menopause with just a few symptoms and assume that the rest of us should, too. Susun, instead, honors our individual experience. I was delighted to find a compassionate mentor and guide, so I bought her book, New Menopausal Years: The Wise Woman Way.

NMY is not a new book. Originally written in 1992, Susun last updated it in 2002. In fact, she has a new book out called Down There–but I haven’t read that one yet. I think, though, that when a book is good, it’s worth talking about no matter how old it is.

One of Susun’s great contributions in this book is to create a road map that she calls The Six Steps of Healing (she refers to the same process elsewhere as the Seven Rivers of Healing, in case you’re familiar with some of her work). For those of us making decisions about how much medical intervention to seek out, she suggests that we start with the first step — “Do nothing.” This does not mean take no action at all, but to wait and observe a symptom for a period of time that feels comfortable. Sometimes symptoms abate, and if we leave them alone they won’t go away. Other times, we find the symptoms increase, and then we may jump one or more of the steps of healing. Along the way, we empower ourselves to add interventions as we deem necessary that may include herbs, vitamins, or, in the sixth step, surgery or other more invasive medical treatment. With each symptom, Susun suggests treatments for each step of healing.

When recommending herbs, Susun also provides detailed instructions on how to prepare teas, infusions, and tinctures. Since reading her book, I have settled on a daily infusion of stinging nettle and oatstraw to provide energy, adrenal support, and mood regulation. When I am faithful to the regimen, I definitely feel better.

You may or may not agree with Susun on her methods, but she invites you to make up your own mind. She never insists that her way is the only way, but her ability to help us see our symptoms as manageable so that we can make informed decisions is invaluable. Reading New Menopausal Years, I started to see this time of my life as positive, not just intellectually, but in the deepest layers of my being. We are embracing a new identity, going from “mother” to “baby crone,” and it is, truly, an exciting time–as long as we can help ourselves with the layers of discomfort that accompany this transition.

For more information on Susun, who offers courses, other books, and a forum among other things, visit www.susunweed.com/.

How to Write a Novel in 20 Years or More

December 19, 2009 by admin

Blood and Loam is on its last draft. Well, at least until (hopefully) some agent picks it up and demands some rewrites. For the first time since I started to toy with the idea more than 20 years ago, I am proud to say that I am close to finishing. I could call this post “How Not to Write a Novel,” but I believe, looking back on the process, that a unique perfection exists with every book. Some take a few months to write–I wrote When a Grandchild Dies in a few months, then spent another year or so revising. Patchwork & Ornament, which I edited, went from idea to printed book in about nine months.

Then there’s Blood and Loam, the book that wouldn’t leave, that wouldn’t end, that I have thrown in the trash more often than I care to think about. Here’s the story:

Somewhere in the late 1980s, I began a story about a confused, traumatized young woman who takes a profound inner journey in order to defeat a force of evil that threatens the survival of her Midwestern small town. I didn’t know anything about writing a novel, but I started anyway. Since my villain has supernatural powers, I researched dark arts, squirming all the while. When I had about 75 pages done, I signed up for a creative writing class to get some help and feedback. Sounds good, right? Well, not so much.

Mistake #1 – Showing a draft too soon, or to people you don’t yet know you can trust. We were assigned to share the first 25 pages for critique. Most of the feedback was helpful and positive, but apparently my manuscript hit some nerves with the teacher. She went into a long lecture about my protagonist’s lack of believability, and my protagonist was the one character somewhat based on me. Oops. I translated that into I am not believable. I came home and threw everything away.

Mistake #2 – Further with that, basing a character or story on oneself. Beginning novelists often do this. When, several years later, the idea for the novel kept buzzing around my head like a fly, I made sure my protagonist had her own appearance and totally different backstory. The Stella of my novel is her own person now.

Mistake #3 – Fighting the Genre. Blood and Loam is a dark, violent, creepy novel. I wanted to write a nicer book, and there is nothing nice about Blood and Loam. For many years, I worried about whether this novel would contribute to or detract from a society that already has so much violence in it. Over time, I’ve learned through personal experience that sometimes our greatest growth occurs in traumatic situations, and that sometimes life is messy, dark, and even violent as we forge our way through them. Stella is on a classic Hero’s Journey, and she has some big obstacles to overcome–the fact that she does helps me justify, in my mind at least, that B&L ultimately contributes something positive. (You might notice that I’m still touchy about this!) I believe we should write our ideas, no matter how much they bother us. Otherwise we do not honor the spirit of creativity that lies within us.

Mistake #4 – Not writing regularly. Any novelist will tell you that the best thing to do is to put the story on paper as quickly as possible. Stops and starts are painful. ‘Nuff said.

Mistake #5 – See Mistake #1. Yep, I did it again. I rewrote, took a novel writing class, and got scared yet again. I didn’t have a bad critique, but I wasn’t as far along as some of the other students, and I felt intimidated by their skills.

Mistake #6 – Not getting work critiqued when it’s ready. Conversely, there comes a point when we’re drafting when we might start to chase our tails. In my case, I found myself tweaking single words while ignoring some major plot problems. Given my history with critiquing, that’s understandable, but there came a point when I knew I needed outside feedback. I found it through a Gotham Writers Workshop class, and then by hiring a published author to provide a manuscript critique.

Mistake #7 – Not knowing how to let go. These characters have been with me for a long time now, and they feel a bit like one big, happy, dysfunctional family. We hang out together, and while terrible things happen when we do, we keep coming back. I’ve always related to Stella, even though she is not me. Stella represents some of the mistakes of my younger years about which I have continued to feel shame and guilt. Yet I have grown more into the character of Hannah, who, in the Hero’s Journey, represents the Mentor. I’m not nearly as calm and peaceful as Hannah, but I have come to know a thing or two over the years.

So here I am, letting go of Stella as part of my identity. Letting go, finally, of the person I once was, and haven’t been for many years. Embracing the inner wise woman, the Hannah who came out of nowhere, who is totally made up. Perhaps I gave myself the gift of Hannah as a character because I needed her; now I am her.

I’ve been reading a biography of Gabriel Garcia Marquez, and I learned that it took him more than 20 years to write 100 Years of Solitude. He says, quite simply, that he wasn’t ready for the book when he was younger. It was too big for him at the time. This statement, from a great master, reminds me that books come in their own time. We as authors sometimes have to have our own journeys in order to understand how to complete them. B&L has, for me, been a journey that is long, powerful, and deep. Which leads me to:

Mistake #8 – Forgetting why we write. I had forgotten that, for me, inner growth is the goal. In finishing, in letting go of these characters, I am opening myself up to new stories, new possibilities, new adventures, new challenges to ponder and work through. As 2009 comes to a close, so too do my adventures in a fictional small town in Iowa that I have grown to love. I shed this skin and emerge anew.