Nadine Feldman, Author

celebrating strong female characters and whatever else strikes my fancy

You are here: Home / Archives for women

women

Exercise On The Go

by

Staying active is essential as we reach midlife and beyond, and I am always looking for new ways to work out, especially when we’re traveling. Lately we’ve shuttling back and forth between Houston and Washington state in preparation for our move. Staying on an exercise regimen is particularly challenging during this time, with the stress and disrupted routine, so having easy access to a variety of programs makes life much easier.

I think I have mentioned Fitness Class before, which is an iPad app that allows me to take exercise with me. My favorite instructor is Ellen Barrett, with her mind-body approach to aerobic and strength conditioning.

I’ve also discovered an exciting website that I wanted to share called My Yoga Online. For less than the price of a single yoga class, you can watch yoga videos, choosing from a variety of class lengths, difficulty levels, and goals. At home in Washington, I may choose a gentle class in the afternoon after the workday is over. Here in Houston, since I don’t have my free weights to do my strength training, I’m choosing power yoga, which allows me to use my body weight to build strength. My Yoga Online gives me the flexibility (pun intended) to choose the best class for me on a given day.

In addition to the classes, you can read articles and plug into the community. Now, if you’re new to yoga, I would still suggest taking some classes from a teacher to learn proper alignment, but if you are comfortable with yoga and want a variety of classes for your home practice, give My Yoga Online a look.

Happy exercising! I’ll be back next week, reporting from Washington while I wait for my furniture to arrive! Have a great weekend!

 

Weighty Issues

by

Some years ago, when my grandma was getting on in years, she started to lose weight. I had remembered her as carrying some extra pounds, but she was never fat or obese. When she lost weight, she also lost perspective and couldn’t see that she was getting too thin. If anyone told her of their concern, she accused them of jealousy.

Maybe some of you at midlife and beyond think it will never happen to you, but do a search on “anorexia at midlife,” and you’ll get a surprising number of hits. Apparently the quest for perfection doesn’t end in the teenage years.

As I’ve mentioned before, I’ve been on a weight loss journey since mid-December, and I often think of Grandma in these past few months. While I have needed to lose some weight (we have heart disease in the family, and my cholesterol was slightly elevated), I want to stay in balance and not try to get too thin. I’ve been doing Weight Watchers online, and it’s been a blessing on many levels. One is that I HAVE to eat a certain amount every day, which keeps me honest. I’m also re-evaluating my goal weight and deciding what is “good enough.”

This weight loss journey has brought up a myriad of feelings and fears. I guess I thought that those were for people with a lot of weight to lose, but I’ve had quite a roller coaster with the 12 pounds or so that I’ve lost so far. Anyone relate to these?

1.  How do I handle ________ (fill in the blank — Valentine’s Day dinner, kid visit, funeral food)?

The real dread is that I’ll fall off the wagon completely. One big dinner could turn into two or more, that slippery slope into relapse and weight gain. Lately, though, this hasn’t been a problem. If I’m going out to eat and the restaurant has a website, I check the menu and go in with a plan. If they don’t, I can divide my meal in half or more. If we’re getting pizza, I load up on veggies and have one slice, not the whole durn pizza.

2.  I’m afraid I’ll gain the weight back overnight.

This has been weird. On Weight Watchers, we have discretionary “points” that we can spend during the week. Hubby and I enjoy a “date lunch” on Wednesdays and a dinner out on Saturdays, and I make the rest of our meals at home. When we are out, I still have to remind myself that it’s okay to enjoy myself, that having a pleasurable meal does not mean I’m going to instantly gain weight back.

One reason is that I’ve had a lot of trouble losing weight in the past few years. My thyroid was off-kilter for a while, we traveled a lot, and after I crossed 50 my metabolism went south along with other body parts. My success of the past few months has been a pleasant surprise, and I’m pinching myself. My new mantra is, “What I’m doing is working.” I have to remind myself of that a lot so that I can enjoy our dining out, that building in some treats within reason is important.

3.  I’m learning that less is more.

When I first started measuring my portions (a big reason, I believe, as to why I’m succeeding now), I would look at my meager plate and say, “Where’s my dinner?” I decided that I could get a larger helping if I really wanted one. Funny thing is, though, that smaller helping is always enough. Always. In fact, I don’t have those extremes of being either stuffed full or ravenous. Instead, I’m nicely full until the next meal.

4.  Moving and Not Moving

I’ve been active for years, so the thought of exercising more seemed impossible. Instead, I’ve made a few adjustments. I walk more for mental health than exercise, and have stepped up the aerobic activity through exercise videos. Since my writing work is sedentary, I try to do some movement in the afternoon as well as the morning. I also use weights a few days per week, to build muscle mass and therefore improve metabolism. I’m working toward those Michelle Obama arms!

That said, I notice that I have to make myself take two days off per week. After years of Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, I have to find a middle way of exerting myself, but not too much. Even now, having been symptom-free for years, if my heart rate gets too high I have a little “crash.” I usually take Thursdays and Sundays off from exercise (unless I want a walk or some gentle yoga).

5.  Depriving Deprivation

One thing I’ve learned about myself is that if it ain’t fun, I ain’t doing it for very long. Some diets are so boring they make me want to cry. We love good food, and deprivation doesn’t work. Fortunately, we love our veggies, and our meals are colorful, interesting, and delicious as well as healthful. Eating a healthful diet is always more pleasurable than junk food.

6.  Taking the Slow Road

While it’s fun to watch the numbers go down on the scale, I’m taking a leisurely approach. Last year I took a few sessions from a personal trainer, but I felt like he was pushing me to lose faster than I wanted. Losing weight slowly, I am getting used to being a smaller person again. Yes, it’s an adjustment. Sometimes we’re scared of hitting that ideal weight — we’re afraid of attracting attention or having to change our identities in some way. It’s odd to see that thinner person in the mirror.

This journey has been rewarding, even the scary parts. I’m getting closer to my goal and am enjoying the sense of accomplishment that comes with it. In the past, maintenance has been hard for me, mainly because I’ve gone “on” and “off” of diets instead of making a lifestyle change. I’m learning that there’s no “there” to get to. Once I hit the magic number, it will take gentle attention to stay there — and that’s what I hope to keep in mind. Not pushing, forcing, straining, judging, or beating myself up…just some loving care. Some days I’m better at it than others, but I’m learning. Day by day, I’m learning.

Happy International Women’s Day!

by

In honor of International Women’s Day, here’s a list of great resources for and about women:

Miss Representation – If you get a chance to watch this documentary film about the portrayal of women in the media, take it! Watch it with your daughters, your granddaughters, and the men who love all of you. I first saw it on OWN, then saw it a second time last night at a public screening, followed by a great discussion. I was encouraged that a group of high schoolers (some of them boys) were there as well! One of them made note of the fact that many of us in attendance were “old women,” which led to a discussion about how some of us could mentor the young women in town.

Great blogs by intelligent, savvy women:

Feminist Law Prof – Twitter is a wonderful thing. I just “discovered” Liz via Twitter and am already enamored with her interesting and provocative posts.

Broadside – Caitlin Kelly is a journalist, author, and world traveler whose content will keep you engaged.

Finally, today is Purim, a Jewish holiday celebrating how Queen Esther saved the Jews from the evil Haman. It’s always great to have a woman be the heroine of a story! There are so few! Last night as we watched Miss Representation, clips of Rush Limbaugh brought hisses and boos — much in the way Haman is booed and hissed at the raucous Purim celebrations.

As I close out the week, here are a few photos, one from last night as the moon shone over the water, and another from this morning’s sunrise. Enjoy! “See” you next week!

The view from last night's walk!

The sunrise view from our home.

Religion and The Ostrich Effect

by

Some years ago I went to church with the family of my boyfriend at the time. It was Mother’s Day, and his mother wanted to be the one at church with the most children in attendance. During the sermon, though, the pastor complained about women working outside the home. When we got back to the house, I was shaking with anger. How dare he? Why did he have to use a woman’s special day to offer a Neanderthal opinion of what women should be doing? How come no one else in the family was as incensed as I was?

The answer was simple and shocking. No one else heard it. Over the years they had just tuned the guy out. They dressed up on Sunday, went to church with a big smile, and then spaced out until it was time to go home and have a big family dinner.

Now we are in the midst of a debate being presented on one side as women’s reproductive rights, and on the other as religious freedom. Yet many Catholic women practice birth control. How many? It’s hard to say. According to some, the 98% figure being bandied about is an inaccurate representation, but it’s obvious that families overall, including Catholic families, are smaller than they used to be, so do the math.

To me, the deeper issue is the power we give to religious organizations, often by default.

Overall, church attendance appears to be down, so maybe there’s less of this quiet hypocrisy than it appears. Even Catholicism, so prominent in the current political climate, admits to declining attendance and observance of church doctrine.

Still, in a country with religious freedom and a separation of church and state, religion has inserted itself in the debate, and the opinions of religious leaders, in power in part because of the passivity of their flocks, are being given more weight than they have the right to. Why? Why do we just ignore what’s being said from the pulpit or bimah? Why aren’t the people rising up and demanding more from their leaders, when there is obvious disagreement about their principles?

When Darrell Issa had his little “panel” to convene about religious freedom and insurance coverage for contraception, the panel was entirely made up of males. Some females actually defended this, saying it was a religious freedom issue. Really? Then why weren’t there female religious leaders? What religious freedom does a woman actually have in these organizations? What about the religious freedom of the women working in religious organizations who are not members of that religion? What about the religious freedom of the women to practice birth control without feeling guilty about being untrue to their church? Where are the leaders from religions who don’t have a problem with birth control? Finally, where was the religious freedom of the children who were sexually abused by clergy who now claim moral authority over women’s bodies?

It’s easier to stick our heads in the sand and to make our religions a buffet where we pick and choose what we want. The problem is that in our silence, those leaders think that we agree with them. Yes, some do, but it’s a minority — and that minority is now trying to control our political discourse. This is a problem that we have created collectively, and it’s a problem we must solve in the same way.

 

 

It Ain’t the Hot Flashes

by

I have a great idea for a post about the birth control/freedom of religion debate, but it will have to wait. I’m having a hair crisis.

Here’s the thing. From age 40 onward (I’m 53), I have had symptoms of impending menopause, starting with some killer PMS. Always one to have a regular cycle, I discovered that on Day 24 I needed, in the name of all that’s holy, to avoid all human contact. It was my personal full moon that turned me into a werewolf, and I didn’t want to turn my husband or any small neighborhood dogs into my prey.

Over the years I managed to dance with the mood swings and depression. I could handle with humor the alarmed comments about my flushed face (I have that kind of skin). As my periods became more erratic, I just threw an extra pad in my purse. When my face started to break out like a teenager’s, I changed up my products and booked a facial. No big deal. At my age, I can adjust to anything, right?

No.

For all my experience with this cycle of life, including the books I’ve read, I was not prepared for everything. There are things the books don’t tell you about menopause. Namely, no one told me that my naturally straight bangs would kink up like poodle hair. That’s right. My mother now has what she always wanted, a daughter with naturally curly hair. Well, sort of. Only in the front.

I’ve had baby fine, straight hair my entire life. For many years I have covered my forehead with my bangs a la Goldie Hawn to hide my forehead, where I have my deepest facial lines. This arrangement worked really well until a few months ago when they suddenly started to curl and frizz. Since Google is my friend, I did some checking and, sure enough, menopause changes the hair. Curly hair may straighten, and straight hair may curl. My bangs, and the unflattering frizz that accompanies them, are just providing more evidence of hormonal shifts.

The rest of my hair remains straight for the most part, though I’m getting some ringlet activity on the left side. I don’t know whether to cut my hair short or let the bangs grow. In the meantime, I’m taking hair vitamins and have become an expert on anti-frizz products. I’m deep conditioning twice a week. I don’t normally blow dry my hair because it’s fragile, but I will spend extra time brushing and styling the bangs, trying to tame them even a bit. Yesterday I gave up and pulled them back with a barrette. Now everyone can see those wrinkles I’ve been hiding all these years.

I can handle just about anything. I’m even okay with the white streaks that are running through my hair. I just didn’t expect this. I don’t weep for my youth. I just want my straight bangs back.

Not Dead Yet: The Movie

by

It’s no secret that women of a certain age find it difficult to get good roles in Hollywood. Sure, there are exceptions, and thankfully more of them. I loved watching Annette Bening and Julianne Moore in The Kids Are Alright, with gorgeous faces untouched by Botox. Helen Mirren still brings the sizzle. And who can forget Diane Keaton’s fantastic role in Something’s Got To Give, where she found herself torn between two men: Jack Nicholson, the lovable cad, and Keanu Reeves?

Still, when I sit in a movie theater I tend to squirm a lot at the previews of action heroes conquering the bad guys while the women are…gyrating in their underwear. Of course, Bridesmaids succeeded as a woman’s comedy, though I suspect the filmmakers included some of the “grossout” scenes to get the guys to show up. But Hollywood doesn’t exactly have an interest in women’s stories, especially when they concern the older woman.

The only way to break through this, I believe, is for women to support the efforts of other women as indie filmmakers. If we can get the word out about women’s movies and support them, we show Hollywood that we have purchasing power that deserves to be heard.

A few days ago I ran across a small film called Not Dead Yet. Three women, all over forty, are looking unsuccessfully for acting roles. Discouraged, they decide to make their own film, though hilarity ensues when the director, played by Mash’s David Ogden Stiers, takes a, well, manly approach to the film. As they struggle to take charge of their movie, they are also having to deal with family issues and hot flashes!

Writer and producer Susan Hess Logeais gained success as a model and sometime actress. Not Dead Yet is her attempt to bring older women to the big screen. If you’re used to big-budget films, watching this will require some adjustment. However, I think it’s an admirable beginning to someone new to filmmaking. It’s a bit like reading someone’s first novel and knowing that the author has great potential. You may relate to the Mommy Guilt, the hot flashes, and the quest for redefinition that arises after age 40.

Not Dead Yet can be downloaded from iTunes for $9.99 (regular version) or $12.99 for the HD version.

With that, I sign out for the week! Have a great weekend, everyone, and I’ll be back again on Monday!