Nadine Feldman, Author

celebrating strong female characters and whatever else strikes my fancy

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relationships

Feels So Good to Finish

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I don’t do “projects.” I do long-term relationships. I started my novel-in-progress more than two years ago, and it’s just now shaping up enough for me to think about sending it to an editor. Lord knows when it will be done, though I’m hoping by year-end. I’m forever walking the line between optimism and soul-crushing disappointment as I live with this story over and over and over and over again.

That’s why it’s nice to finish something, anything. And to finish a large project, well, that’s particularly exciting.

So today I reveal to you a new bedspread, a year and a half in the making. The pattern of the double wedding ring is common in quilts, but this is a knitted version. Turns out that for the cost of the yarn, I could have bought a hand-made Amish quilt, already done.

Knitted Double Wedding Ring Quilt
Knitted Double Wedding Ring Quilt

But where’s the fun in that?

The pattern for this, if you are a masochist dedicated knitter like I am, can be found on Ravelry. It’s easy to knit, but putting all those pieces together? Oy. 1,080 pieces make up the rings, and the assembly alone took more than six months.

As with all long-term relationships, there’s the thrill at the beginning. You can’t wait to get started and get to know each other. Each day brings new discovery and excitement, and you want to spend all your time with your new love.

Then one day, you’re sick of your beloved. The relationship isn’t as easy as you thought it would be, and you want space. Maybe you cheat, taking on a smaller project on the side, such as making sweaters for your granddog, or patchwork throws from spare yarn. You have to re-evaluate your commitment.

What all the cool dogs are wearing!
What all the cool dogs are wearing!

Yet when the relationship is real and true, though, you hang in there until you get to the other side, and you fall in love all over again. You notice how the relationship stays with you even on your worst days, waiting patiently without judgment. It’s worth all the trouble and hassle and time.

Under the bedspread at night, I am cozy and safe and secure, the same way I feel in a relationship that works. And as I enjoy the satisfaction of completion, I am buoyed again and know I can finish anything I start, even those pesky manuscripts that aren’t yet ready to release.

With our beloved, whether a person or a project, if we hang in there, we can be more than we thought we could. Safe and secure and warm, we can soar.

Do you have projects that take forever to complete? Please tell me I’m not the only one! 

 

Happy Valentine’s Day

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“So, today’s February 14th?” hubby asks me as we wake up this morning.

“Yep,” I replied.

“You know what that means…Tomorrow’s payday!”

With that, the day begins. Hubby is being silly, of course, as he always is when we first wake up. He’s been known to make up songs that are odes to the coffee he’s making in the morning. Me, I’m not that perky. But I digress.

Hubby and I, as some of you know, met online nearly seven years ago. His profile read something like this: “I’m in the process of getting a divorce and I have custody of 16-year-old twins.” Real “come hither” stuff there. My girlfriends all agreed that the best thing for me to do was to stay far, far away from this guy.

Still, in between the lines I saw something else. First, I saw a guy who was honest. He didn’t try to paint a rosy picture when one didn’t exist. He didn’t lie about his marital status. And despite the obvious challenging circumstances of his life, an optimism bubbled up from his words, and I got the sense that he wasn’t a “project.” He seemed like a guy who could hold his own when the going got tough, and I liked that.

There’s only so much information we can put on those personal profiles about who we are and what we’re about. And, those profiles are a snapshot in time. We never know how a relationship will withstand all the changes that life brings. Change can bring us together or drive us apart. We have been the lucky ones.

Together we fell in love with hiking and the outdoors, leading us to our (soon) move to Washington State. Together we shepherded his children from high school through college and into young adulthood. Together we have buried three loved ones: both his parents and hubby’s best friend of thirty years. Together we have engaged creatively as he writes plays and I write books, and together we have weathered the frustrations and rejection that are a natural part of sharing our creativity with the public.

All this “together” works, I think, because we are both strong individuals with a sense of who we are as people. I don’t look to him to “make” me happy, and he doesn’t expect me to fill some missing piece inside. It’s not that we never disagree or argue, but that we are able to negotiate our disagreements with respect and consideration.

It took me 46 years to find hubby. I’m glad that I saw the deeper worth in that dating profile and ignored my girfriends’ advice. I’m glad I held out for such a delightful companion. My prayer to all of you on this Valentine’s Day is that you find peace and wholeness within yourselves…and, if you choose to be in a relationship, may you enjoy the bounty of it as I have enjoyed mine.