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Nadine Feldman, Author

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Building a Happy Empty Nest

August 10, 2011 by admin

My husband insists that as children near college age, something happens hormonally with both the kids and the parents. That “something” causes us to suffer less—and even celebrate—when they finally leave home. The closer the time came for his kids to head off to college, the giddier he became. We were ready and determined to create a Happy Empty Nest.

Having come into a home with twins in their senior year in high school, I was, admittedly, reluctant to let them go. I had always wanted kids, and I liked having them around. By the time they left, I had just gotten comfortable with my new role as stepmother after 45+ years of childless freedom. As my hubby threatened to break out the beer, I had a good cry.

Of course, back in the day when our generation first left home, we didn’t have cell phones, e-mails, or instant messenger programs. We had landlines (how quaint) and sent letters back and forth. Neither my husband nor I anticipated how little we would sense their absence. The empty nest has changed. Some days, they might as well be in the room, we talk with them so much!

Moms of the world who hate sending their children away from home may take comfort in this new accessibility. I have to ask, though, is this accessibility good? If we’re not always available and let a phone call go to voice mail, we have found that the children find other ways to solve their own problems. Isn’t that part of what we want?

Plus, I think that an essential part of building a happy empty nest means finding out who we are when we are not parents. Husbands and wives need to get reacquainted with each other, and most of us have set aside our own dreams, at least for a time, to handle the care and feeding of the young. What were those dreams, anyway? What a great time to explore—as long as we hang up the phone long enough to do so!

Of course, while we are getting comfortable with our new identities, the children tend to come home from time to time. At first, it’s the long summer and winter breaks, and a shorter spring break. These are awkward times; they have lived as adults, and suddenly, on visits home, they are subject to rules and demands that they don’t want. Some want to be treated like young children again, whiling their vacation away in front of the television while someone else prepares their meals.

The Happy Female Empty Nester, in order to stay happy, will need to insist on more participation. After all, we are starting to live our dreams, so we don’t feel like waiting on young adults hand and foot anymore.

Then someone gets a summer job that requires time away from home. Maybe one of the children wants to go off with friends on spring break. They graduate from college and, hopefully, get jobs.

This is where my husband and I are in the process. Both kids have graduated from college. One is working, while the other is taking an additional year of specialized education. It’s exciting to watch them take on their own lives, as well as to have more time to focus on ours. We’re turning the upstairs into guestrooms for families that may expand at some point. Oh, wait, that means possible grandchildren that Grandma and Grandpa will babysit. Hmm, maybe the empty nest isn’t empty for long after all.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: children, empty nest, family, nadine feldman, nadine galinsky

Good Morning, Monday!

August 8, 2011 by admin

We have returned from a lovely vacation in Washington state, where we visited and hiked on Mt. Rainier, saw friends and family in Seattle, and then had a few quiet days on San Juan Island.

Seeds of Wisdom
Seeds of Wisdom by Terrea L. Bennett

While there, I ran across this lovely print by Terrea L. Bennett. Actually, I bought four pieces of her work because it really spoke to me, but this one, called Seeds of Wisdom, captures the spirit of what I want for this blog. Here is a woman who ages with joy and whimsy intact, and who shares her wisdom with generosity, the way a dandelion scatters its seeds. The dandelion, much like women at midlife and beyond, is often unappreciated but loaded with extraordinary gifts, shared freely if we only take the time to receive them.

Now that we’re back, I’m eager to embrace the week on this blog. I’ll be reviewing Ana Forrest’s Fierce Medicine, and we’ll delve more deeply into the topic of the empty nest. And, since my editor was busy while I was gone, I’ll be revising Change of Plans in hopes it will be ready as an e-book novel for the holiday gift-buying season!

Just for fun, here’s a view outside of our bed & breakfast on San Juan Island. Have a great week!

Deer
View Outside our Bed & Breakfast on San Juan Island

 

Filed Under: travel, Uncategorized Tagged With: Change of Plans, dandelions, empty nest, nadine feldman, nadine galinsky, Terrea L. Bennett, women

Check Out the Old G.A.L. Project

August 4, 2011 by admin

We are leaving our Seattle-area vacation for hot, hot Houston today. Our final stop on this tour was a visit to San Juan Island, where we see deer every morning on the B&B property. We have also sighted Orcas, eagles, harbor seals, foxes, and more. In the fresh air and sunshine, I have gotten some much-needed rest, allowing new creative ideas to emerge.

In the meantime, as I expand my Twitterverse, I have run across a number of blogs that touch on many of the topics that I will, but in different ways. I thought Thursday would be a good day to share those with my readers.

One that I have read recently is the Old G.A.L. Project (as in Get A Life). Our blogger has retired and is looking for life after the job. She’s looking for love, seeking her passion in life, and trying to lose weight–subjects we can all relate to. Some posts are funny, while others are touching. I’m going to follow her journey, and I invite you to do it, too.

Filed Under: blogs, travel Tagged With: baby boomers, dreams, nadine feldman, nadine galinsky, Old G.A.L. Project

Getting Kids to College: The World Tour

August 3, 2011 by admin

For many women, midlife signals the end of 24/7 mothering as children leave the nest. This month, our Wednesday feature blogs will focus on letting go and preparing for the next stage of our lives…along with the identity changes that come with it.

***

Sending a child off to college can awaken fear and dread in the hearts of moms everywhere. In our case, though, we had little time to think about it! My husband has twins, a boy and a girl, who enrolled at two different universities, one in Texas and the other in New York.

As an aside, people always assume that twins would want to go to the same school, but ours are polar opposites in personality, and they share little in common other than their mother’s womb. Sarah planned to study art at Parson’s School of Design, and Joe’s interests run toward emergency management.

I had already learned lessons about raising twins: first, you can’t learn from your mistakes in parenting, so each twin gets the benefits and curses of our parental learning curve. Mine in particular was steep, as I met them in their senior year of high school, with no prior parenting experience. I think we all did remarkably well, considering…but that’s another story for another day.

We had already been through college applications, prom, and graduation, but entering a university added its own challenge. They both needed to show up at school at the same time! This triggered an elaborate plan I now call The World Tour so that we could give them both a proper send-off.

Henry flew to New York with Sarah while Joe and I caravanned on a drive from Houston to Arlington, Texas. Joe checked in to his dorm, helped by the upperclassmen of UT-Arlington who volunteered to help new students get settled, so my job was more symbolic, one of “being there.”

Once Joe was settled in, I flew from DFW airport to New York, where Henry picked me up. He had helped Sarah move in to her dorm, and we attended a Parents’ Weekend program at Parson’s, where we learned, primarily, that universities don’t talk to the parents due to privacy laws. We had the odd sensation of getting nudged out of their lives—a necessary but not always easy adjustment.

On Sunday, Henry and I flew to DFW, where we had lunch with Joe, allowing Henry to give his son the official send-off. Then we drove back to Houston. On the way, we learned that Henry’s mom was in the hospital, and we started to get a taste of life in the Sandwich Generation…again, another story for another day.

Since that time, Joe’s and Sarah’s schedules have not converged in the same way again.  In the years that followed, they had slightly different timetables for moving in and moving out. Thank God they graduated at different times! We are now getting used to their status as young adults, striking out on their own, and The World Tour has gone from stressful event to part of the family lore.

Filed Under: Uncategorized Tagged With: back to school, empty nest, nadine feldman, nadine galinsky

Book Discovery Tuesday: The Best of Everything After 50: The Experts’ Guide to Style, Sex, Health, Money, and More

August 2, 2011 by admin

In an enthusiastic, likeable tone, author Barbara Hannah Grufferman guides us cheerfully through the maze of what we need to know after age 50. She has researched her work, getting advice from doctors, dermatologists, and other professionals so that we can look and feel our best. Reading The Best of Everything is a bit like chatting with your best gal pal, but with solid medical and financial information. After 50, we can still look and feel fabulous!

Grufferman is committed to her own health and fitness and runs in marathons. In The Best of Everything, she describes her running regimen, designed to keep those older joints safe.  She helps us avoid the middle-aged spread that isn’t, as it turns out, as inevitable as we might think. She keeps us on track for scheduling the appropriate medical tests at the right time, and even provides tips on caring for skin, from moisturizers to plastic surgery.

More than anything, Grufferman distills a lot of wisdom into simple terms. Some sections may not interest you. For example, I skipped over the plastic surgery stuff. I happen to like my wrinkles and scars, and I think my face is far more interesting with some lines on it. However, I do believe in a woman’s right to choose, whether it has to do with her womb or her face, and let’s face it—we can’t ignore our aging. Better to discuss our options and make informed choices.

The Best of Everything After 50 is, overall, a comprehensive guide. As with any complex subject, though, it has its limits. You will not get tips on empty nesting, dealing with sandwich generation issues, or how to cope with a difficult menopause from an emotional perspective. I don’t see this as a criticism, though. She has kept a clear focus to her work, and no one book could cover everything without getting clunky.

For women just starting to face the topic, The Best of Everything After 50 provides a great beginning and information that every woman needs to know, and Grufferman’s gift for distillation makes this book a must-read for initiates to this profound, exciting, and sometimes frustrating time of life.

Filed Under: books Tagged With: Barbara Hannah Grufferman, books, nadine feldman, nadine galinsky, The Best of Everythiing After 50, women, women's health

Good Morning, Monday!

August 1, 2011 by admin

As I write this, I am sitting in a bed and breakfast on San Juan Island in Washington state. The battles of Washington D.C. are far, far away, and I spend little time on my computer each day to get upset yet again about the goings-on, or lack thereof. Outside a fountain provides a peaceful flow of water, and downstairs, a hearty breakfast is cooking.

We spent a few days near Mt. Rainier. I hiked while Henry biked (the 154-mile RAMROD bike ride). While there, we found several snow-packed areas that caused us to rethink our hiking plans.

After a few more days in Seattle, where we visited friends and family, we  arrived on the island yesterday afternoon.  Eager to enjoy the sunny day, we found a hike with enough climbing to require poles. After spending months in Houston’s blistering heat, the cool, fresh air provides a welcome respite.

We ate dinner on the northwest side of the island, where we watched the sunset and the nightly ritual of retiring the flags. This ceremony honors the flags of Great Britain, Canada, and the United States, whose influences and histories converge on this tiny island. I got a lump in my throat as I watched the ceremony. I love my country, in spite of the politicians who seem hell-bent on destroying it.

Today we will look for Orcas and visit a lavender farm…apparently the lavender is in bloom, and I’m told it’s spectacular this year. What a delightful surprise!

This week begins the new version of the blog. We’ll spend a lot of time this month exploring empty nesting, but we’ll also discuss some great books that help us navigate midlife needs and challenges. Have a great Monday!

Filed Under: travel Tagged With: nadine feldman, nadine galinsky, travel, women

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