Nadine Feldman, Author

celebrating strong female characters and whatever else strikes my fancy

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jenny feldman

Off the Mat

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Last week I ran away to the Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health. Set in the serene Berkshires between the charming small towns of Lenox and Stockbridge, Kripalu provides an oasis for me when I need one. This was one of those times. In addition to some family stresses that have disrupted the daily routine, I have my fledgling little novel, trying to take form, and I wanted to find a way to keep life from getting in the way and disrupting its flow.

Because I was taking a retreat rather than an entire program, I had the option of showing up to a class or not, so I had plenty of alone time. Me time. Unobstructed, uninterrupted time. I spent the mornings, after early yoga class and breakfast, working on my novel. I’m taking a Plot and Structure course through the Writer’s Digest Online Workshops, and just before leaving for Kripalu had created, surprisingly for me, an outline of the novel. This is new for me, and I am pleased to announce that creating some structure for the story does not eliminate the opportunity to create and experiment.

During the week, I was assigned to write the beginning of the novel. I cringed at that, knowing I was making a first, and rough, beginning available to others for comment and critique. In the past, this would have killed my writing. This time, though, I feel less like I’m treading dangerous ground. The group I’m in are skilled writers who are also adept at making thoughtful, helpful comments. I’ve put it out there…we’ll see how it goes. This week, I’ll write three scenes.

I find the whole process fascinating. The complexity of writing a book is being broken down into manageable pieces, so by the end of the class, without feeling like I’ve made a lot of effort, I will have a strong skeleton for the entire book.

But back to Kripalu. I showed up for a class one morning to learn about self-compassion, something all writers could find useful. There I met Aruni, a woman of humor and practicality who also happens to be a writer. After class, I signed up for one of her coaching sessions. Writer to writer, we connected, understanding the joys and challenges of the writing life. I wasn’t there to learn more about writing, but to learn more about my attitude toward writing, and to identify ways to make the process easier and more fun.

In When a Grandchild Dies, as a writer, and now in Patchwork, as an editor, I grabbed the energy of inspiration by honoring the dead: in the former, my daughter Reba, who was stillborn in 1997, and in the latter, my late mother-in-law Jenny, who died and left a profound gift of the written word for all of us. How to translate this energy into something that works for a novel, where everyone is made up?

We decided that I will set up a little ceremony where I will introduce myself to my main character, Claire, a burned-out lawyer who will find friendship in a foreign language class, and who will discover her peace of mind through travel. I will amp up her status from mere imaginary friend to, as much as possible, a real person. We will “chat” weekly so I can check in and see if she likes how I’m telling her story. I will make a commitment to Claire to tell her story in full…to let her know that I hear her and value what she has to say.

This may sound a little “woo woo” to non-writers, but we writers know that the most important act we can make as a writer is to find what works. As a yogini, my commitment is to find more and better ways to translate my practice from the mat to the rest of my life. The idea of using ritual, ceremony, and prayers to create the book make it a practice. Practice means we don’t have to be perfect, we just keep showing up and doing our best. I think I’ll give that a try.

Sharing Our Stories: An Approach to Patchwork & Ornament

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Although Patchwork & Ornament will be released officially at the beginning of March, I’ve shared some advance copies with people. Almost everyone who touches it expresses similar sentiments: “Here was a woman with plenty of struggles, who had the right to be bitter, but yet found her passion and created beauty anyway.”

This is the story of Patchwork & Ornament. Here was an ordinary woman, someone who achieved a certain level of recognition in her field, though not at the level she wanted, working through the challenges of her life through art and, as we discovered after her death, a substantial amount of writing. As people read her story, they often find within Jenny Feldman’s words their own stories, their own struggles, their own triumphs. I am so pleased to see this happening over and over. One of the reasons I chose to share Jenny’s work publicly was to get people thinking about their own stories, and maybe even to write them down.

As we enter 2010, I hope that some of you writers out there get busy telling your stories. The time for shyness and timidity is past. We need to know, in both fact and fiction, what you have to say, how you feel about life, what matters to you. I agree to do the same. I’m going to share Patchwork with as many people as possible; work on finding an agent/publisher for Blood and Loam; finish and load Exodus to offer free online; and start a new novel, as yet untitled. I’m learning, more and more, to value what I have to say…and to value what you have to say as well. I’m looking forward in 2010 to learn more about the work of others who, like me, travel an independent writing path.

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The Lure of the Resolution

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As we count down the last minutes of 2009 and wait for a certain glittering ball to drop in Times Square, many of us are jotting down resolutions. Once again we renew promises to ourselves, and even if we have a tendency to break them as early as January 2, the lure of the resolution still tempts us, draws us in, gives us new hope of possibilities.

Generally, I don’t have resolutions, though I do like to have a focus for the coming year. For me, weight loss and other such resolutions never seem to work. When I focus on my dreams, though, I find resolutions…some might call them goals…to be effective. What about you? Do you make resolutions for your dreams? If so, how do they work out? Are there any you want to tweak for 2010?

Here’s a little summary of how 2009 worked out for me, along with my hopes for 2010:

As I write this, it appears that I will keep my promise to finish Blood and Loam by this coming Saturday. After 20 years, I’m calling it done! This means that 2010 is the time to start querying. Normally I prefer being my own publisher, but I’ve decided, at least for now, to try the traditional route with my first novel. If not, well, you’ll be hearing me podcast it later in the year.

At the beginning of 2009, I didn’t realize that I would have a completed editing project in my hands. Patchwork & Ornament, originally meant for family only, grew into a full-fledged book. Quickly. On a whim, I threw together the first ten pages and a synopsis and submitted it to the Texas Writers’ League Manuscript Contest. When I say threw together, I mean it. I had barely finished reading the journals, and most of what I would end up using lay in an unsorted pile on the floor when I entered the contest…and yet, it became a finalist! Go figure. With the final book in hand, I began to seek reviews, and we just received our first one from Feathered Quill, 5 stars on Amazon!

As with Blood and Loam, it looks like 2010 will require effort on my part to let people know that the book exists. I’ve done several news releases already, but it looks like I’ll be rolling up sleeves to write some articles as well.

I have made the decision not to reprint When a Grandchild Dies, but I will keep it alive online through pdf and audio formats. I love technology! I promise in 2010 to update the Resources section, which is now available free online at www.gal-in-sky.com/When a Grandchild Dies Resources Page.html.

So, looking at 2010, it appears that the first part of the year will be focused on marketing two very different works. I’m in the midst of moving, so current plan is to start the new novel by March at the latest. I also plan to finish and podcast Exodus (still need a final name, darn it), which I will offer as free content on the gal in sky site.

I hope that everyone reading this blog has a happy, healthy 2010! May your resolutions come to pass and all your dreams come true!

Special Promotion for Patchwork and Ornament

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Patchwork and Ornament arrived yesterday! For those who don’t know, P&O, by Jeanette Feldman, is an artist’s memoir written in a collage-style format of short essays, stories, and poetry. She tells her story of growing up in poverty in the South Bronx with an immigrant mother and disabled father. As her interest in art unfolded, she found a new and happier life filled with love, travel, and creativity. P&O includes several full-color photographs of Jenny’s work and was recognized as a finalist in the 2009 Texas Writers’ League Manuscript Contest (under the name Pentimento).

This is a labor of love, and we are honoring Jenny Feldman’s memory with a special pre-release promotion. From now through December 31, we are selling P&O for $18 (plus tax and S&H). $10 of every sale will be send to Donorschoose.org to support arts in the schools. Everyone wins! P&O will not be available to the general public until early 2010, so you get a fascinating story before everyone else, and at the same time we all support a worthwhile organization.

I believe that Jenny Feldman’s life would have been very different (and not in a good way) had she not had access to an art education. In addition, we believe strongly that an education in the arts benefits all students.

For ordering details, please visit www.patchworkornament.com. Feel free to share this with everyone you know!

Thoughts on Self-Publishing

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Back from vacation, I’m trying to figure out where I left off with my various projects. Exodus is ready for fresh eyes, as is Blood and Loam. There’s also the updated version of When a Grandchild Dies. I also explored a few new ideas while I was gone, and one of those is ready for some good ol’ uncensored creative writing.

Most exciting, though, is that Patchwork and Ornament, Jeanette Feldman’s memoir, is on its way. As with When a Grandchild Dies, I am both excited and nervous. Part of me says, “What was I thinking?” Initially, P&O was meant purely for family, as a way to preserve my mother-in-law’s writings and art in book form for future generations. Still, I couldn’t let go of the nagging thought that others outside the family might find it interesting as well. When I handed the manuscript over to others, expecting a quick, cursory “that’s nice,” I found that readers didn’t want to put it down. Still, as the books make their way from Canada to Houston, I know that the real work has just begun.

As I go forth to market this book, I am aware of strikes against it. We all know that self-published works tend to be dismissed as being of poor quality, especially now when anyone and everyone can put a book out there.

Here’s the thing, though. As part of my research into this market, I read some of those self-published works. One in particular grabbed my attention. The author didn’t bother to get the book edited, and it was filled with typos and other errors. It had a plain cover, just a single color with an uninteresting title. Yet when I read it, I found it a compelling read, and I let go of my editorial eye as the story swept me away.

Maybe I part company with some of my writer friends, but I believe that the one prerequisite for putting a book out is to believe in it. I learned that from When a Grandchild Dies. Bookstores didn’t want me to come in to hold signings because “it might depress our customers.” Bereavement organizations aimed primarily at parents didn’t want me speaking, because the parent/grandparent relationship can be rocky. Even at a conference for bereavement professionals, one therapist told me, “I saw the subject of your book and almost didn’t come over to talk to you because I’m a grandparent, and I can’t imagine anything more devastating.”

In other words, getting the word out to my audience, the bereaved grandparents, wasn’t easy. I had to work hard and persist to find speaking opportunities and ways to find the people who needed the book. Yet I did so, and WGD has done well.

WGD is a self-published book. Ten years later, as I work on updating it, I know I’m a much better writer than I was then. Although I’m still pleased with the book overall, some areas need substantial improvement. Yet I have received enough letters from people who read the book to know that my efforts are appreciated. Had I waited for a traditional publisher, I might still be waiting yet today, and those grandparents and other family members who benefited from WGD would not have received the help they needed.

I agree that writers should take care that their book is of high quality by utilizing editors, cover designers, etc. We should try to elevate our work to its highest and best potential. However, we should not hold back our ideas because they might not sell, or maybe they’re not “good enough” somehow. One never really knows what’s going to sell anyway! Also, although I am pleased with WGD’s sales, that has never been my measure of success with the book. The lessons I learned, the growth I achieved, and the knowledge that I helped people in the process is what matters most to me.

Patchwork and Ornament is a different kind of book. It doesn’t have the specific niche that WGD has. That will make it both easier and harder to market. That said, I have done my best with P&O to make it beautiful, and I will do my best to find its audience. That’s the best that any of us can do–and it is what we must do, whether or not there are naysayers.