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Life Changes

The Carrot’s the Culprit #AtoZChallenge

April 3, 2015 by admin

© Pilar Echeverria | Dreamstime Stock Photos
© Pilar Echeverria | Dreamstime Stock Photos

We make new memories every day of our lives, but some fade into the background. Some emerge only with prodding, while others never return.

Sometimes, though, a moment imprints itself indelibly in our psyche. It’s a game-changer, an instant in time that turns us in a new direction. These stay with us.

Of course, there are wedding days, the birth of a child, etc. These are a given. But I want to talk about a carrot. The carrot.

I never liked carrots as a child, especially raw ones. I spent much of my childhood and well into my 40s ignoring them. Never mind that they’re good for eyesight or high in fiber. I considered the carrot boring and tasteless.

When we still lived in Houston, I visited one of the local farmers’ markets from time to time. You know, when I thought of it. A couple of friends of mine, who had turned their entire yard into a garden, sold produce there, so I always ran into people I knew.

One day I bought some carrots. I don’t know why. Maybe I wanted to try something different. Or maybe, just maybe, something in the ethers whispered in my ear that magic was afoot.

Further adding to the mystery of that day, I ate one right there at the market. And that’s when the heavens opened up and angels sang (well, maybe it didn’t happen quite that way, but you get the idea).

From the first bite, I was hooked. The flavor made a big Pow! in my mouth. So sweet! So rich! I wanted to dance. I wanted to sing.

I felt as though I’d never eaten a carrot before.

From then on, we went to the farmers’ market every week. I learned to grow a garden. A few years later, we even moved cross country to the Pacific Northwest, led by a strong local food movement that includes the best farmers’ market in Washington State and a plethora of dedicated small farms.

And gosh darn it, over time I have turned most of my yard into a garden, too. Even among the flowers I manage to sneak in some garlic. Throughout the yard, I’ve scattered huckleberries and raspberries, and last year I grew food in the front yard as well as the back, producing a bumper crop of squash, tomatillos, and fava beans from underneath the apple trees. Today I will throw down some — wait for it — carrot seeds.

If I’ve become a bit fanatical, blame that damned carrot. It changed everything.

Filed Under: gardening, Life Changes

Love Letter to the Moon #moonlover #ayurveda #fullmoon #IWSG

March 4, 2015 by admin

 

IMG_3437Moon, you know I am an inconstant lover. I commit to you, and then I get busy and harried, then forget. May this love letter to you breathe into me new commitment.

Twenty years ago, while recovering from a strange illness that left me without a voice for six weeks, I woke in the night and saw you, in your fullness, in your brilliance, and I lost my heart. I want to be with you, I said. I want the freedom to stay up at night, as I did that night, to just watch you, with nothing else to do.

It was a prayer, though I didn’t know it at the time. You did…and you answered. Every month, you waxed and waned, sometimes hiding behind clouds, other times shining over the water. You gave me a glimpse of your power and mystery, and you reached out with your glow to touch my face with support and loving care.

Yet I have been disconnected from you, moon. I lost sight of you except for an occasional glance at the night sky, when you rise over the water and command my attention. I lost you when I lost my female cycles. It never occurred to me at the time that those cycles still exist within me, and you are the key.

Women who study Ayurveda, a sister science to yoga, believe the moon is important to women. The New Moon is for introspection, they say, and the Full Moon is for clarity, power, and manifestation.

A few months ago, when I added more Ayurvedic practices to my life, I began to pay attention to you again. I notice higher levels of energy — and agitation — during the full moon. It’s no surprise to me that this week, as you wax toward your full glory, I am carting bags of compost and manure into the garden. I am weeding and feeding my fruit trees. I am writing busily and happily. I feel strong and alive.

In a few weeks, when you wane to near-darkness, I will begin my period of spring cleansing and reflection.

What if I can reconnect to your rhythms? What if I can dance once again with your ebb and flow? Do I stare stare full in the face of magic? Do I claim my right to know your mysteries?

I will walk this path to find you, and then I will know the answer to those questions. I send you my love, mysterious moon, and I glide in your river of sweet, soft energy.

For more on this month’s full moon, visit these websites. I am not into astrology, but some of them are fun anyway. Enjoy!

http://www.universetoday.com/119164/the-mini-moon-cometh-catch-the-smallest-full-moon-of-2015-this-thursday/

http://www.mysticmamma.com/full-moon-in-virgo-march-5th/

http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/03/full-moon-in-virgo-head-versus-heart-tug-of-war/

***

I am grateful for finding the Insecure Writers Support Group. We’re starting the A-Z Blog Challenge in April, but already I’m feeling the love. We also have a monthly group post, and today’s the day. Thanks, all!

InsecureWritersSupportGroup2

Challenge Badge 2014

 

 

Filed Under: health, Life Changes, menopause, women Tagged With: ayurveda, cycles, full moon, menopause, women

This Photo Tells You Nothing

February 25, 2015 by admin

Me at 22
Me at 22

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but I do not agree.

Ever since I got bit by the genealogy bug, I’ve poured over public records, letters, and family photos. Sometimes I run across a photo of me from a younger time. This particular photo was taken for my job as an assistant manager for a fast-food chain (yes, this health nut once worked for the Dark Side).

What do you see what you look at this photo?

In spring of 1979 I left my job as an engineering assistant. In one of my more infamous and embarrassing bridge-burning episodes, I told my boss to shove his job up his ass. It gave me a certain immortality at the company, as I’d said what many others wanted to, but wasn’t helpful for my career trajectory.

The fast-food industry didn’t seem to mind, though, and I enrolled in a management training program. Afterward I moved to a small town where I knew no one. My weekend schedule looked like this: close Friday evening, work all day Saturday, and open for breakfast on Sunday. Not a great gig for a young single woman.

On my nights off, I sat in bars and chatted with other patrons, many of them hard-core alcoholics who, like me, had nothing better to do but nurse our beers. One night I remembered a good-looking bartender I’d met while out with another guy, and I decided to go into his bar.

He intrigued me, with his prematurely gray hair, dark beard, and piercing brown eyes. Better yet, he didn’t charge me for my drinks. Fast food management doesn’t exactly pay the big bucks, so free drinks were a big plus.

He was older than I, more worldly, and he spoke of mysteries as though they were commonplace. He introduced me to Herman Hesse’s Steppenwolf. He treated me tenderly…at first.

Then he started threatening to hold me hostage if I tried to get away. He threatened to kill a friend of mine simply for being gay. He ran hot and cold, sometimes treating me like a queen, and other times ignoring me and flirting with other women. He started his day with a couple of beers. He and his friends toyed with black magic.

I didn’t like myself much in those days. When he told me I was horrible, I believed him.

One morning I woke and couldn’t take it anymore. I packed a bag. I closed out my account at the bank. I left town. I didn’t know where I was going, but I no longer felt safe. I even slept with a Bible under my pillow.

I ended up in South Carolina, hiding out with a friend until the money ran out, and then my parents came and drove me back to Illinois, where I stayed with them for a few months. That’s where this photo was taken as I transferred to a store in Peoria.

I’d like to say it got better after that, but it got worse for several years before it got better. I won’t go into it in this post. You get the idea.

I’ve never written this story before. Even now, I am giving a glossed-over version of what happened, because it’s too much for me to bear to expose. Why? Shame, I suppose. Even now, I think I should have known better. I don’t want to admit how lonely and afraid I was, and how I had no one to tell the truth to.

I’m not that scared young woman anymore. When I look at her now, I see how hopeful she is, even though her life is nothing but shards of broken glass and pain. I’m glad she hung in there, because over time she learned to like herself more and to walk away from damaging relationships. It took a long time to get better, but with time, therapy, and a life committed to personal growth, it did.

Maybe sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words, but this time, the photo tells you nothing.

Filed Under: Life Changes Tagged With: abuse, codependency, domestic violence, personal growth, self-esteem

A Sabbatical?

January 21, 2015 by admin

“Maybe you should take a sabbatical,” my husband said at dinner last night. “Professors do it, and everyone thinks it’s a good idea.”

I like the sound of the word. It is derived from “sabbath,” and it means a rest from work. Typically, according to that source of all knowledge, Wikipedia, a sabbatical lasts from two weeks to a year.

Henry floated the idea because I expressed a need for some reinvention. Something about my current path doesn’t feel right, and I want to adjust. Problem is, I don’t know what that means. To do that requires time and quiet.

From what do I need to take a sabbatical? It’s not like I have a demanding job to go to.

Do I want to stop writing? No. That would be like asking if I wanted to stop living. I’m cranky when I don’t write. I’m restructuring my novel, and it’s coming along slowly but well. It doesn’t feel like the time to set it aside.

Stop gardening? Well, no, I’m not willing to do that, either. I’m besotted by green growing things, especially the edible variety, and I’m sneaking out on sunny days to prune and weed when the ground isn’t overly wet. Connecting to the earth connects me to my spirit and brings me wholeness.

Then there are the various and sundry interests I have: crafts, genealogy, cooking, health. I get jazzed by all of them, and it’s hard to think of giving any of them up.

So what then?

Noise. I can take a sabbatical from noise. That means Facebook, primarily. Of course, staying off of Facebook also keeps me away from a variety of other websites and useless articles.

I can take a sabbatical from rushing from one task to the next. In Jewish tradition, each section of the service ends with a kaddish, a prayer sanctifying God’s name. In yoga, we use certain poses, such as tree pose, to transition from standing to seated postures. Why not have more transitions in the day, moments of quiet and breathing between tasks?

Funny thing is, when I take the time to rest and relax, I still get the same amount of work done.

I can take a sabbatical from self-imposed pressure. What if I returned to that time when writing felt like play? Too often, when I’m wearing my editor hat, I turn into a taskmaster. What if I relaxed and enjoyed the process? What if I kept working on the book, but stopped heaping deadlines and ultimatums upon myself?

Maybe it’s time to set aside the Puritan work ethic. It would be great if I could give that one up for good, but that seems impossible. It’s deeply ingrained in my DNA.

But a sabbatical…I could do that.

What would a sabbatical look like for you?

Filed Under: Life Changes

New Year Reflections

January 7, 2015 by admin

When we first thought about moving to Port Townsend, we visited in November and December to see if we could handle the darkness. Not only are the days shorter than in Houston, but in this small town we have fewer electric lights. Even after nearly three years here, we are not jaded to the sight of a night sky with thick layers of stars.

I love the winter. As a writer, I am always fighting the distractions of life. This time of year, friends are out of town, the garden needs little work beyond pruning the fruit trees, and I can curl up on the sofa with a cup of hot tea and FOCUS. I am a hibernating bear here, enjoying the solitude and quiet. In the darkness, the nothingness, my world begins anew.

We are, of course, starting a new year. This is a natural time for reflection, to revisit dreams we set aside yet again, to hope, to start fresh. Of course we can do that on any given day, but there’s something special about making new commitments in the dark of winter.

My resolutions work better when they are fairly general. I plan to get healthier in 2015. This includes following a more seasonal diet, and to that end I’m taking Dr. John Douillard’s Three Season Diet Challenge. Dr. John bases his work on Ayurvedic principles, and the more I practice them, the better I feel.

I’m also taking Gaiam TV’s 21-Day Yoga Challenge. Gaiam TV requires a subscription, though they do have cheap starter deals for anyone who’s interested. Having practiced yoga for more than half of my life, my practice can sometimes get a bit stale. Taking the challenge exposes me to styles of yoga that are different from my usual routine, allowing me to mix things up a bit.

One of my big issues is giving my own hopes and dreams the time and energy they deserve. I intend to finish my second novel this year. What She Knew is coming along well, but I’m giving it more punch. To help me with that, I’m using the book Writing with Emotion, Tension, & Conflict by Cheryl St. John, and it’s providing me with some marvelous help. My goal is to get the book done, including multiple rounds of editing, by the end of the year. I also hope to blog more this year and to extend my reading audience.

From the darkness, hope rebounds. I reset, recalibrate, recommit.

What about you? Do you make resolutions? What is your vision for 2015?

 

Filed Under: Life Changes, writing, Yoga Tagged With: happy new year, resolutions, weight loss, writing

Giddiness

September 9, 2014 by admin

Tomatoes
Tomatoes

Here, enjoy this taste of tomato through the Internet. They’re small, just a bit larger than a cherry tomato, but take one into your mouth. Let it roll around your tongue and teeth for a moment. Now, bite down on it. Let it fill your mouth with its juices, sweet yet tangy. Just one will leave you nourished, but go ahead. Take another. We leave the bowl out on the counter and eat them like candy. If you’re old enough, you remember when tomatoes always tasted this good, nothing like the red cardboard you get in the grocery store.

The anticipation began in spring when the first tomato starts appeared at the farmers’ market. When I grow them from seed, it begins even earlier, in egg cartons under grow lights, as the first leaves start to emerge. In late May, when it’s warm enough, I put them outside on my deck. By this time, the plants are already tall enough to need support. In early July, I am harvesting the first fruit.

It’s late summer now, and the tomatoes are just about finished. Here in the Pacific Northwest, tomatoes are the holy grail, difficult to grow because our temperatures remain in a narrow band, never too cold, but never too hot, either. After last year’s bumper crop, friends told me not to expect that kind of production every year. I know they’re right, but I’m too busy eating them to think about next year.

As some of you know, for the past 20 months or so we have been involved with a bitter and nasty legal battle. I can’t and won’t write the details here, because some aspects are still ongoing. However, on Friday, one piece of the battle ended. It’s hard for me to take that in, and my Sunday night sleep was disrupted as it has been for some time. Still, I am freer than I’ve been in some time, and that makes us giddy.

Ancient Madrona by Rachel Josepher Gaspers
Ancient Madrona by Rachel Josepher Gaspers

Port Townsend was filled with visitors for the annual Wooden Boat Festival. The monthly Gallery Walk coincides with the festival, filling our little downtown with people and a carnival atmosphere. We ran into friends everywhere we went, and without the expense of a hearing, we spent some of that money on art. Seems like a better use of funds! I include a couple of photos here, and will follow soon with a photo of the third piece we bought — which has its own separate story.

IMG_2895
Lavender – Fiber Art by Lauralee DeLuca

We are deeply grateful to the friends who have stood by us in our difficulty, to the creative atmosphere of our town, and to the garden that always reminds me of what truly matters.

Taste the tomato and see if you, too, don’t feel as giddy as I do.

Filed Under: art, gardening, Life Changes Tagged With: art, gardening, Port Townsend, tomatoes, Wooden Boat Festival

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