This is my first time participating in the Insecure Writer’s Support Group First Wednesday. This is when we release our fears to the world – or offer encouragement to those who are feeling neurotic. If you’d like to join us, click on the tab above and sign up!
***
My kindergarten teacher once described me as “withdrawn” and said I preferred to play by myself. She hoped at some point I would join in to classroom activities. This was cause for concern, and no one said “Hey, maybe this is a baby writer!” No, I was different, strange, odd.
Trying to fit in has never quite stopped. When we moved to a small town a few years ago, I found myself swept up in the friendliness and thinking, “I can be social. I’m sure I can.”
But then my writing languished. One of my friends said, “Oh, I used to write, but since I moved here I don’t have time.” That freaked me out.
She decided to just roll with it, but I couldn’t. Writing steadies me, smooths out the rough edges, brings me joy. I had to make a different decision: to pull back on the social life.
Not every writer is like me. Some are quite gregarious. However, as I made my writing time a priority, I found I could still socialize, just less. If the writing comes first, everything else works out.
On the opposite end of the writing social spectrum is the writing conference. I like to go to one or two a year, and we have several to choose from in our area. One of my favorites is the Chuckanut Writers Conference, which happened this last week. It’s tiring, but fun, informative, and motivating!
I’d like to give a shout-out to faculty members I found particularly inspiring: Steven Galloway, who taught an awesome master class; Elizabeth George, who showed us how to use character development to unlock a story’s potential; and Carol Cassella, who discussed the proper use of research in novels (I’d love to know how she balances her busy life as an anesthesiologist with two sets of twins while writing and researching!). Brian Doyle eviscerated any of our excuses, and William Kenower reminded us to always, always listen deeply to ourselves.
It’s impossible to express in a blog post how these generous authors have impacted me, but I will say this: if you have the opportunity, find a conference you enjoy. This was my second visit to Chuckanut, and I’ve no doubt it will be an annual event for me. We writers are an insecure lot, indeed, and connecting with each other is a way to put a healing balm on that insecurity.
How do you balance work and social life? If you’re a writer, do you go to conferences or have other ways of connecting with writers?
I think I grew the same way. I actually got into writing when one friend pissed me off. He hurt me so much that I saidy, “Eff you! I won’t talk to you for a week! I’ll write instead!” I’d been quiet in general, and writing offered such freedom.
Wow! That friend did you a great favor, though I’m sure it didn’t seem like it at the time. Funny how we sometimes stumble upon our passions.
I’m not much of a social person, so writing suits me fine. I do like to go out once in a while, but it’s draining and then I need alone time to recharge.
Yep, me, too.
When I was working, that was my social time, so then I could come home to quiet. Now that I am home all of the time, I NEED MY SOCIAL TIME… desperately! I definitely am insecure but I question whether I’m actually a writer or even have the capabilities to write more than my few little stories. For me, I need a fuller life… I think. Or I need to be creative enough to make something of my quiet life.
It’s a challenge. You are definitely a writer, and your “little stories” are wonderful and worth sharing. You do seem to be more extroverted than I am, though. For me, too much people contact is exhausting and draining…it’s not that enjoyable to me (except when I’m with other writers).
I was always described by my teachers “withdrawn” also. It should’ve been obvious that I was a baby writer. I’m definitely an introvert and I find interaction with people to be draining and need my quiet time.
If only we could explain this to teachers! It took me many decades to understand that this was how I was wired and not some pathology.
Well then, welcome to the IWSG! You did a great job with your first post. “Writing steadies me, smooths out the rough edges…” is perfect! It’s me to a T. Even though most people ‘see’ me as someone who fits easily in with a crowd, I ‘feel’ completely the opposite. I have a hard time in crowds, even with people I’ve known forever. Such is the life of a writer….
Thanks for visiting with my first IWSG post!
You raise a great point. People also tend to see me as someone who is at ease in a crowd. My panic never shows — but boy, it’s there!
I think if you make writing a priority in your day, you can still find time to socialize if you wish. I haven’t been to a writer’s conference, but I keep hearing good things about them.
That’s been the absolute key…the writing has to come first. If I socialize first, it never happens! If I write first, it all seems to work.
I am the same way. If I’m too social or too busy, it’s really hard for me to write. I think part of this is being an introvert. At the same time, I need to make my family a priority and being with friends is important too. So, a balance (as much as I can manage) it is key.
I love going to conferences when I can. My most recent one was the Darci Pattison Novel Revision retreat, which was amazing!
I love it when we find that balance! We may not do it every day, but if we do it most of the time, that’s pretty darn good.
I’m going to have to look into this retreat. I hadn’t heard of it before (one of the reasons I love blogging).
Welcome to IWSG. We are quite a diverse group as I’m sure you’ve figured out. Writing may be solitary but isn’t it nice to come out of the cave once in a while? I always come home from conferences exhausted yet strangely energized. Hope to see you back here next month.
Thanks for the welcome! I’m really enjoying this group. I participated in the A-Z Challenge and was really impressed with the talent! In an earlier draft of this post I talked about blogging as a way to reach out, but it felt like I was getting really long-winded. Nice meeting you, and thanks for visiting!
I would love to go to a writers convention they seem like it would be a very encouraging experience. I mostly connect with other writers through the Facebook and blog hops. I was just posting about having to cut out some things I would like to do, but don’t need to do so I can focus on writing.
Yes, I’ve had to be ruthless lately in cutting out non-writing activities. The knitting can wait, and I recently hired a couple of guys to give me a hand in the garden for a few hours every week. I love working in the garden and still have plenty to do, but they have taken a lot of pressure off of me so I can focus on my writing.
The Internet is a pretty good way (actually, my only way) to connect with other writers. I love the distance (physically far but emotionally nearer). Haven’t been to a writers’ conference but the one you had sounds good!
I like the Internet, too. Every now and then I get to meet someone in person that I met online, and that’s a bonus! (The one furthest away is in Wales, and we saw her on a trip to the UK last fall.)
As a child, I was painfully shy… it took me a long, long time to gain confidence… but I still freeze when it comes to public speaking. *sigh*
I’ve never been to a conference. Would love to attend… one day…
I think there are a few out-of-town conferences but not sure if any are hosted in our province. 🙂
I think so many of us grew up shy because we didn’t understand who we are and how we’re wired. I hope there is greater understanding for kids growing up today, but not sure.
Public speaking is tough for most people! You’re definitely not alone. When I put out my first book, I went to Toastmasters, and that was helpful. Don’t know if you have those in your area, but it made it easier for me (though I can’t say I really love it).
Welcome to IWSG! I haven’t been to a conference in years but it’s probably one of those things I should get back to.
Thanks for visiting! I am loving IWSG.
I love writer’s conferences and workshops. I haven’t been to one in years. I used to be a regular at the children’s writer’s conference in my area, but I don’t think it meets anymore. I need to find one for playwrights.
Hi, Mary,
My husband has taken a few playwriting workshops through the Dramatist’s Guild. Don’t know if they have anything in your area, but if you haven’t checked, it might be worth a look.
I’ve felt neurotic since I began writing for publication. I believe the two conditions go hand in hand. Thank heaven for IWSG!
Well, I’ve felt neurotic all my life, but that’s another story! I agree with you, though, they do go hand in hand, and I love IWSG. It’s been such a help to me.